Deadheading

DEADHEADING

 

According to the Oxford English dictionaries, there are many uses for the word “deadhead.” It can apply to a follower of the rock group the Grateful Dead. Most days I exemplify a non-existent group called the Grateful Alive. Deadheading can identify a lazy, boring or unenterprising person. Again, many days this one applies, doesn’t it? The term is also used for a train or truck which returns to base with no money-making load. There were several more definitions for that word but today, I am most interested in the definition, “a faded flower head or to remove dead flower heads from a plant.” I do, however, see how many of the other definitions apply to those of us who have chronic pain.

 

I love flowers. Their colorful imaginations, their fragrance and their ever-changing status are all inspiring to me. I love the way they reach for the sun with their flowers and stems, seeking life. The first thing I do each morning when able to descend our stairs to our first floor, where our living room and kitchen are located, is to open the front door and say hello to our front porch. This time of year, I especially love to see how beautifully all my dozen plants in pots, on the front porch are blooming and, hopefully, thriving. I love to put on garden gloves and take my trusty clippers in hand and cut off any flowers that have fulfilled their bloom. I do this for two reasons. Our old, old porch is a painted surface and some of the flowers petals, when they fall onto the surface, can discolor it if they are left there for too long; especially red geranium blooms with strong natural red dye. The other, more important reason I deadhead my booming plants every few days is because it is better for the flowering plant. All of the plants energy can then go into producing new and more abundant flowers. I feel it is the plants way of saying “thank you” for my human interaction as they double up on their blooms and do it rapidly. After all, plants are living things.

 

I know that sounds a bit peculiar to some. Yes, I do talk to my plants, just like I talk to George, our little Yorkie. My wonderful spouse has no affinity for plants. I often get a look from him that is indescribable. He doesn’t know one from another nor does he want to. I think that’s what makes life and marriage so interesting at times; we are different creatures. His specialty and soft spot is animals. We do agree on that interest and love. There is a respect for life that seems to grow deeper, or I should say, has for me as I’ve battled my health for many years. I’ve become a sort of cheer leader for anything and all things living.

 

When you deadhead a flower, you are removing something that has performed what it was created to do and is now ready to go into yet another cycle of life to make room for new growth. Yes, that’s what this is all about for me. The other day, clippers in hand, I realized the importance for all of us, sick or well to acknowledge the importance of moving on, deadheading the factors, people and events in our lives which are preventing us from growing, thus moving on.

 

Regrets, grudges, guilt and so many other human emotions which we call “baggage” need to be deadheaded from our lives. The gentlemen who founded Alcoholics Anonymous in 1935, Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith understood the concept of moving on as part of their recovery program. They came up with their brilliant 12 step program which is a fine guide for many of us who are not alcoholics to follow. This is particularly true in their “suggested” requirement most alcoholics need to make amends with those in his/her past. Deadheading. Don’t we all need to do this to move on, to grow, to overcome?

 

Being struck with disease, for many of us at a young age, causes in all of us regret and yes, anger because no one plans to have a life of disability and limitations. We like to think we are in charge of our lives but in actuality, we cannot always be. You know that. I know that. We flail around, seeking answers and getting many, we don’t like. It would be so simple to become a “deadhead” and use drugs or alcohol to kill the pain, both physical and emotional. These are short term fixes for a long-term problem and they each bring with them even more problems. Problems piled upon problems. It’s not a pretty picture or way to live.

 

I have had two close relatives who became so overwhelmed by the physical pain and limitations brought on by them, they had to escape into drugs and alcohol. Many of the legal drugs we are prescribed for pain and illness are so precise in their application they are not to be “screwed” with. One of my sweet relatives liked prednisone’s effect so much she took it by the handful. Differing doctors, different pharmacies would re-supply her and if there was a problem she would say she lost the bottle of pills while traveling or spilled them into the sink by mistake. She was told but would not face what the drug was doing to her. Her bones were slowly eroding and disappearing from overdosing on the steroids. Her cervical vertebra disappeared and had to be replaced with screws, nuts and bolts. The osteoporosis in her bones was so bad she eventually lost most of her leg bones and died without a knee.

 

Yet another person I love very much has been taking Vicodin around the clock for years along with massive amounts of alcohol. Since we live in a state where marijuana is legalized, it has become a question for me and an honest answer to my pain and others who suffer. I do not, nor have I ever smoked, and with Sjogren’s syndrome with all its dryness, I can’t envision it. I have tried a rub on oil with THC in it but have found it no better than hemp oil, straight CBD which does not have the hallucinogenic in it. You don’t absorb enough oil through the skin to feel any high with the THC rubbing oils. Remember, hemp is legal in all states and is used for many purposes, even cooking oil. I guess for me the big standard is that of the physicians’ creed, “First do no harm.” I have had to stop some of my medications which were more harmful than helpful. Two of them caused GI bleeds and another caused me to lose my peripheral vision. I do have constant pain and no I am not a masochist. I just don’t want to miss out on this joyous experience called life. I want to see it through clear eyes, assimilate what I see with a clear mind and savor each day…don’t you?

 

This is a rough, hard, ugly journey many of us travel. We each find out own way of doing it and I have often wondered, if I were not a nurse, would I make unwise and dangerous choices? I don’t know. Pain is a remarkable enemy and a stubborn one. It is up to each of us to choose. Do we want to be a “deadhead,” tuning out the wonderful parts, people and aspects of life or do we want to live to our fullest, whatever that may be? Or are we going to be that empty train, traveling back to the station with an empty load, wasting the last half of our journey?

 

I urge you my friends who suffer, deadhead that which harms you whether it is a thing, a person or a memory. Reconcile your life and make room for that new growth which can be yours and mine. Awe, come on. We can still have fun. Find it in your spouse, your pets, your plants and all of life which is stirring around us. Find it in love as I love each of you for hanging in there with me over the years.

 

52 thoughts on “Deadheading

    • Jennifer, Thanks for your kind remark. Good to know there are people like you out there…somewhere, who relate to my words. How’s your battle with the big C doing? Hope you’re out of a bad phase now and things are looking better for you. Scary, I know. Like you, my dear, I have it on my mind and body every day but I keep having to push it back and not let it take over…Guess that’s deadheading. Prayers…you’re a brave gal. Sue

  1. My dear Sue, I can’t believe that YOU are thanking US, when clearly it should be the other way around. You have supported and encouraged thousands of chronically ill people who may not have made it were it not for the optimism and rays of light you distributed. Sue, you are a wonder, a blessing, and one of the greatest gifts this deadhead has ever received. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I love you to pieces. May God bless you with many pain-free days and much happiness. No one deserves it more…

    • Phyl, Every time I hear from you, my cup runneth over. I thank you and others because my thoughts expressed in words would be nothing if not read. I know I don’t have as many readers as I did on everydayhealth.com and have never regretted leaving there because every once in a while I get a FB friend request from someone who stumbled across one of my works online. Between this site and that one, there are over 1000 of my articles/blogs out there. It is a wonderful satisfaction to know I lent a hand to someone who needed it. I’m sure you know that feeling and it is the one that makes life click. I still miss nursing so darn much it hurts sometimes but have to remind myself to deadhead that part of my life. We all have a list and that is a big part of mine. Love you much, Sue

  2. What wonderful thoughts to ponder! I am an alcoholic and I know what it means to change and start anew; Thank you so much!

    • Gail, you must be very courageous. Alcoholism is a such a hard climb. I got familiar with The Book when I was a director of nursing and we had an alcohol treatment unit. I have so much respect for the millions who have been helped all over the world because of AA. Thanks for your comments and pray for you to have courage and keep deadheading when needed and have the wisdom to know when you need to do that. Fondly, Sue

  3. Sue,
    Love 💕 this! I decided to do a camp nurse gig with my church this year even knowing I’m not so young, energetic, and mobile as I used to be. (But golf carts really help!) I found that I have really missed youth ministry and I had a blast even with my limitations. I felt so ALIVE! , even if it brought a few extra aches along with it. And I am full of this ridiculous JOY. I plan to work with a small group of junior high girls in the fall. The other crazy thing I decided was to take adult ballet lessons with some friends just for the sheer joy of it. I’ll never be a “prima ballerina” again but it feeds my soul. So I guess I’m dead-heading my limitations (not being stupid about it, but just working through the irrational fear of injuring myself that I picked up after my car accident) I’m going to live in spite of the pain, not just live with it. If I’m going to be in pain anyway, I might as well enjoy myself along the way, right? 🌺

    Love to all, Princess 👑 Crabby 🦀 Pants 👖

    • Annie, my sweet friend, What a lot of fun you’ve been having and giving. I think it’s wonderful you are jumping out there and jumping in. You have so much to offer, much love to give and are always full of mischief. In my mind that equals fun. I am sad that you have to live with pain, but there is a certain peace that comes over one when we finally accept compromise of our bodies. We never have to accept compromise of our spirits, our endeavors or our stubbornness. Never. Deadheading is so healthy for the mother plant…right? See there? Now you have been called a plant.I don’t mind, do you? I love your goofy spirit. It is a gift you must share and I thank the Lord you are doing just that. Oodles of love, Sue

    • Annie
      You go girl !! SO good that you are living as you wish. There is so much Joy in kids that really lift you up. Yes, they can wear you out physically. But their joy becomes yours. Good for you on the ballet. All that stretching has to be good for you ! Continue onward !
      Tonie

  4. Sue
    Lovely words again and encouraging
    And things need deadheading to show and encourage new shoots ..new beginnings we could all have one of those
    Hope all is improving with you sue
    As for me still on with oiling the decking,weather very warm 90 yesterday.so only do an hour in the evening.rest of the day trying to stay cool indoors
    Chris

    • Chris, sounds like you are carrying on with your deck…inchworms still get there. I know the heat makes life harder for all of us with Sjogren’s and hope you’re handling all of that okay. I am much the same but do need to find a new rheumy. After eight years, this one is just not doing anything to help me…frankly, I don’t think she knows that much about my two rheumatoid problems but is more into RA. She is kind but always talking politics on my visits..my dime, so I must change. They are so hard to find up here in the NW part of the USA.
      As soon as I have heart and patience to figure out my new phones photo features I will send you a pic of our new lamppost. Right now I am very upset. The electrician, when he dug this huge hole, dumped all the dirt all over the ground cover I have nursed along for years along our sidewalk. Why??? I called our yard guy and he will come out tomorrow and move the dirt for me and I hope the ground cover is still alive under those mounds. GD to come over soon for lunch. DOn’t see the teens now as much as I did when they were small ones. I miss them. Do take care, Much love, Sue

    • Alison/rosetint, Always good to hear from you and I hope you are continuing to feel better. I love gardening so much and find it so renewing to watch growth and beauty each day, as each day is full of surprises. As far as men, let me tell you a recent story. We had a lovely little Victorian style lamp post put out in front of our porch to light the steps from the street and those into the house. Jim got on well with the electrician and they “bull shitted” for hours, while the guy worked and Jim sat. Jim sat there while this guy had to dig two holes to put in the standing lamp and another hole bringing electricity out from the basement. We have a fairly bare yard with tall trees but along the walks near the porch I have ground cover I have been urging to spread each year. Those guys put all the dirt they were digging up right on top of my ground cover, in large piles. I was furious. Words cannot explain how upset I was. Needless to say J and I had words over it. To him it was, “Well, you got your light didn’t you?” Men. Had the gardener out today to move the dirt off and some of it was saved. Now to the nursery and I will replant much of it and I don’t feel a bit guilty about spending money to do it !!

      • Thats funny, although not as far as your feelings go but so typical of the male way of thinking. Having been on my own for a very long time while bringing up my children but now in my third year of a relationship I am often found floundering at the differences in our ways of thinking. The other day I was having a bit of a moan about not having seen him much and he said “well Im here now”. He didnt seem to get that that wasnt the point. Agggg!! Glad you got your dirt moved and enoy your shopping spree! x

  5. Sue
    Wonderful analogies once again. Something I have learned in life, and in gardening. I learned something about cucumbers I found interesting. When you have them climbing, as I do this year, when they reach the top pinch off the large bud and they will spread out. Sometimes we have to deadhead those things we are reaching for that are out of our grasp and start spreading out to new things on our level now. It is a wonderful thing to have friends and family. However, sometimes people you think are friends are not. Deadhead them. Sometimes (and often) family will cause trauma, confusion, and bad feelings all around. You have to deadhead them as well. Got a niece that is being deadheaded right now. Causing chaos in my family. I think she is jealous that I am here with my sister. THinks my sister will leave her property to me. Ridiculous. Spreading lies to my children and other family members. What people will do over a little bit of “stuff” is unbelievable. Trying not to be upset, and just have some compassion and pray for the release of her ignorance. When I really want to smack her head a few times , haha !!
    Thank you for once again, causing me to THINK!! Love you and all you do for me, for us.
    Tonie

    • Tonie dear, so right about having to deadhead some relationships…haven’t we all. Unfortunately, a few of us don’t deadhead soon enough. Would that troublesome niece be the one I think it is who we chatted about recently? I hate family problems…Greed is a biggie. When my Dad died, one of my sisters walked into Mom’s house and pointed to some antique sleigh bells on the wall and said, “I’d like to take those home.” My Mom gave her a killer look and said, “Thank you but I’m not dead yet.” Cold and thoughtless. Ouch.
      Busy couple of days here. Grands yesterday and oncology today with shots to both cheeks…bottom cheeks. We then went to an early dinner at a great restaurant here…it’s a brewery right on the river. Up here in the NW everywhere you look it is either a brewery or a coffee house/shop. A shame neither of us could drink beer…meds.
      Told oncologist my sad story of problems with my rheumy and she was appalled. She wants to refer me back to the university in Portland. She thinks I could have a better quality of life than I am getting now with my joints, especially. I told her I have four fairly good days and three very bad ones due to my methotrexate timing. I know she’s right but I hate to break in a new doc. Nice to have a doctor who listens and cares. My tumor factors were down again…great news for this old lady. Love you much and hope the heat isn’t too bad. We got to 72 today. Love you much…getting worried about Sweetie..Sue

  6. Beautiful and encouraging! Thank you, Sue, this surely spoke to me today. I find I have a hard time looking forward because I’m looking backwards so often that I’m tripping over myself! 😂
    My husband was a truck driver in his early years and to “deadhead” a truck back was costly. Likewise, I don’t want to arrive empty at the end of this journey! Thank you for the wisdom that you always seem to deliver with such kindness and encouragement!! 😊❤️

    • Brenda, poor you down in that hot and sticky state but I love TX in spite of that heat. I will be tactful and not tell you the temp here in OR. My dear, I know. I think we all have to learn that going back and living with regrets over what ifs or what could have been…dead ends.It’s not easy. I often just have to stop myself and get up and move my body, turn on the TV or read when I get too maudlin.It’s grief and other emotions but mostly grief for what is lost. Grief always takes time and healing. We have to find what can be found or simply is right in front of us…so often. I just share from my own life and hopefully with truth from my heart. Love ya, Sue

  7. Sue, wonderful, and true on so many levels. I’m afraid I have nothing clever or insightful to offer, as I am preoccupied in other ways, but know I will be ruminating on it as I go forth in this full week. SB and his GF have found a nice townhouse and applied for it. They hope to hear back soon. In the meantime, they have been picking up things they will need, including furniture in need of love. I have 2 end tables, a coffee table, and a dining set with 4 chairs they would like painted and distressed. That’s a cleaning with TSP, 2 coats of paint (3 for the table and chairs), sanding and distressing, then waxing. I’ve started on the end tables and coffee table today. 1 coat on, was tempted to do the 2nd this evening, but think it may be best I not. I also have 2 rehearsals and a concert Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and must sing 2 songs in a concert Thursday evening. I can’t overdo right out of the gate. Not sure when they would need to move if they get it.
    Friends, tonight I am mostly preoccupied with my dear friend who has the beach house. She had a full hysterectomy and a tumor in one ovary, and one in her uterus. I messaged to check how she was doing today and learned she has an appointment with an oncologist this week. She has stage 4 cancer.

    • Lyn
      I am so sorry about your friend. We just lost my SIL the same way. Came out of nowhere. Please know you and she are in my prayers.
      Tonie

      • Thank you, Tonie. Kind of rocked here. My aunt kicked a very aggressive form, similar deal – in her ovary, uterus, and abdominal cavity. Her doctor calls her his miracle patient. Praying for another miracle. We’ve been friends since we were 4 y/o. More of a sister than friend.

    • Lyn, my old friend on here…I am so sorry your good friend has cancer. You know, stage 4 simply means it is in more than one place. As a stage meaning the end of life, it just doesn’t apply anymore. Of course, I will pray for her and her family as well as you, as you fear for her. The key is hope in the Lord and the best darn oncologists she can find. Please keep us updated on her journey as we pray it will be a long one but not a painful one. Cancer meds have never been at this level of investigation with results and there is much room for hope right now. Having a positive doctor is vitally important as well. Oncologists can be a bit doomsday. It takes a special person to practice in that field. Spirituality is definitely a plus in an oncologist. Feel free to PM me with any questions, okay?
      Girl, that’s quite a schedule you have before you. Enjoy, rest, enjoy. Hope the kids get the townhouse. It sounds great. Oh yes, setting up your first digs is fun and interesting. Just watch their taste change as they get more age and more money. Sounds like he likes the kind of distressed furniture you like…good.
      Do stay close to your friend. Some folks back away because it’s awkward but offering her hope, friendship and encouragement is so important. When I told some folks I had cancer I could see they already had me buried and I’m still here with stage 4 cancer after four and a half years. The lord knows her plan for her life and will see her through this trial. Love you much, Sue

  8. Such sad news from all
    But pleased you had a good holiday Lyn
    Hope all goes well for such a good friend
    Annie
    You are certainly going to have some good fun and am pleased for you
    Sue
    Love to see pics of the lamppost …why is it people you have to do work get it in their heads something stupid .our last one cut a bush in half to the ground now it’s going to be different levels… that’s when it grows
    Hope the mess cleared up ok…and did the lamp turn on ok after
    Yes when they get to the teens they kind of start their own life and you don’t see them as much ..as it should be I suppose …
    Ok that’s it am tired and been busy with deck again,but have now finished the top only the sides to do Butbthat I can do in time and at least stuff can go back on top when dry
    Chris

    • Thank you and i also appreciate your blog and pain connections you share with others.Everyone…check out her blog, CHRONIC PAIN WITH A HIGHER PERSPECTIVE. I’ve been at this for a long time and know, we all need as much info, understanding and sharing helps to find that. Keep up your good work, also. We each have a different perspective and each are of value. Fondly, Sue

  9. Hello all
    Lyn, praying for your friend and you. My sis in law had been around since I was 3 or 4, and she was my sister, really. But hang in there and be good to you with all this tight schedule you have.
    Chris, hope you get that deck done soon. I need to do my little one outside the porch. Just have to find the time.
    Sue, all is well with Sweetie, she is in good Hands. Trusting and having faith. Me, I am working with Mrs Blair today, so……but hope to go and pick some more blackberries this evening. I have an appointment with a hair dresser (don’t faint) to put in some extensions in the top of my scalp (scalp being the key word here). My hair is so thin on top so this will help my esteem you know ? On Friday. After my swim.
    So sorry you have so much going on with your bod. DO think about the new rheumy. I know what you are going through and I realise it is another 2 hour drive involved. But it is only once every few months. Maybe you will get one like mine, I pray, who gives you a longer time away if all is well. I need to go have labs done next week.
    Take care all and have a wonderful day.
    Tonie

  10. Sue
    Yes, it is my niece we have spoken of. She has bi-polar disorder and doesn’t take meds. I think that is one problem.
    I was just up on the mountain picking blackberries. I think a bear has been there before me. I could see where it sat on it’s behind and picked (no it wasn’t mine , haha) But I got a few. Was thinking about life , which you will do out in nature. There were some old vines, that will die off this year, and they had some of the most beautiful berries on them. I thought, it is just like older people. Some of our best work is in our later years. And then, I thought there weren’t many berries. And then I would look up in a small sapling, or under a leaf, or tree branch, and there they would be. God’s hidden treasures are like that , yes ? I figured out, He gave me enough for today, up high where I could get them, and enough for the bear and the bees and ants, down low where they could get them. Then we had to rush out to beat a thunderstorm so I could get everyone feed and watered. Long , but satisfying day.
    Mrs Blair is not well. I finally convinced her to make an appointment for the Dr, if I took her. So…next Wednesday I will take her for a checkup and to the eye Dr.
    Take care, love ya
    Tonie

    • Tonie, my dear wise friend, don’t you love it when a seemingly ordinary moment becomes an inspiration? I love looking at the world with that attitude. Yes, life’s cycle is true to its course. Sounds like a wonderful balance of nature for you to leave the lower berries for your friends of the forest. Ifind TV and the noise of life often keeps us from getting these peaceful messages of life, don’t you? The peace and quiet of the moment works best. I find when I have an idea for a blog, I think about it all week and then when it is time to put my thoughts down on the computer, I have to have a quiet room, sometimes with music, but something soothing.
      I have a sad lesson of life happening here at home. Our wonderful old monkey puzzle tree, also known as an araucaria tree, which is at least 80 years old and maybe older, is dying. It is so important to this corner and I know the whole town will miss seeing it. It is about 75-80 feet tall. We had it trimmed a few months ago for $1200 and they said it wasn’t doing well. It’s expensive because they need the bucket truck that lifts the guys up. Well, it is now full of brown branches and cannot be saved. The arborist told me he has had to cut down several along the coast here this year, and there aren’t very many of them. Apparently they have all been struck by a fungus. I hate this so much. Jim could care less, you know, Mr. Sidewalk is Fine. He isn’t really pleased with the cost to take it down, a lot. I don’t like that either but if those thorny type pods and branches fall all over it would be dangerous. These trees can live to be 1000 years old in S. America. I think it’s sad to see this once beautiful giant die.
      I am sorry your whacky niece is not taking her meds. It’s far from a perfect world but when there is conflict within a family, it’s so sad. You know..I know. Hope your brother who just lost his wife is doing as well as possible. Love to you as ever, Sue

      • Sue
        I am so sorry about your tree. I know how much you treasured and cared for it. THe expense, I know, is enormous ! So sorry about that as well. Perhaps you can plant another tree in it’s place ? Something that will grow and be wonderful for future generations to see ? Can you take a picture of this tree and send it to me ? I don’t think I have ever seen one. Save one of it’s pods for a decoration somewhere. ( send me one next time) . Litte (or in this case) big things often take up a place in our heart and it is sad to let them go.
        Yes, when I am writing, or reading, or creating, I need quiet and peace. Music , like you say. Always, something like classical that won’t distract me from my task. In college I always did that when studying. You know how complex medical stuff is.
        Nature is God’s cathedral to me. I always feel His peace and the wonder and joy of all his work around me. I always see deer coming out of the fields on my way to the berry patch. Yesterday I saw a family with a little fawn. THe other day I saw twins. Later, there will be turkey flocks, and geese, ducks, sometimes. And all the various others, foxes. Hopefully I will not run into Brother Bear while I am picking. I have no wish to share the space with him or her.
        You take care. I am off to the grocery stores (ugh) and a trip to my fav clothing store, big sale !!
        Love ya !
        Tonie

  11. Well. everyone is quiet this weekend.
    I had a semi restful day yesterday, always work to be done. But so tired, and it is so hot here still. I stayed mostly inside with the AC on.
    THis morning I have two church services to get to. First, helping out the Methodist church right near us , they have no music and want me to come sing for their service. So….I never turn it down. Then to my church for Sunday School and services. Lot of God this morning !! I need it all the time.
    Hope you all have a wonderful day. Do take care .

    Tonie

    • Tonie, I hate to think about what all that heat is doing to people all over the country. Thankfully, we will take our low 70’s and be glad with them. Cool winds at night, bright sun in the daytime. I forgot to ask you last entry how the appt. at the beauty shop went for you. Do you like your hair better now? I think most people don’t realize alopecia goes along with many of the rheumatoid problems often assisted by one’s reaction to meds we take. I hope you’re happy with the results.
      Sorry to hear your Mrs. Blair is ill and hope she is able to get some care. Poor old dear. Is her nutty son still causing problems for her?
      What a compliment for you to to be invited to sing at another church again. I know it is a blessing for you as well as it will be for others. I do regret you have to deal with such heat right now. Well, as far as our dear tree, it’s a blow to lose it and now $2400 estimated cost to take it down. One thing I won’t miss about it is the sting of the cone pods which fall from it. They break apart, unless pinecones and the tiny sharp pieces are like needles everywhere. I found them in pots, flower bed and sidewalks for years but somehow the tree was worth it. Now…not so. My GD and I got some new ground cover around the new lamppost we put out. She was so much help. It was fun just spending time with her. Love you much and hope the weekend or coming days are better for you. Sue

      • Sue
        I REALLY like the extensions. Makes my hair feel like mine again. I highly recommend anyone who is feeling the loss (of hair), get them. Tape in extensions on Amazon. A little strange to get used to the feel on my scalp, but worth it for my self esteem.
        Enjoyed the service this am, sang about 6 songs. One was, lHow Great is Our God”. They didn’t know it. It is a wonderful worship song.
        Glad you had time with your daughter. I made some strawberry, pinaplle rhubarb jam yesterday. I got this wonderful little device for my microwave that I can grill and bake in. So I made me a couple biscuits, with jam. I have a load of cucumbers that need to be turned into pickles, so I may slice them up and soak them.
        It looks like we are going to get some rain. Maybe tonight, if not, I must water the garden, it is dry and my plants are thirsty.
        I need to go back and pick blackberries again tomorrow. I wanted to yesterday, but didn’t feel up to it.
        Once that tree is gone, and you put in new ones, you will love it.
        I am waiting on tomatoes to ripen. That’s what I want, and my strawberries. I had a couple yesterday. I had forgotten how wonderful they taste.
        Take care and send me some of that cooler weather !
        Love ya

  12. That’s great the extensions are good
    My hair is very thin
    Can you wash them ..how long do they last
    You must feel so good about them
    Could you do it yourself
    Not feeling too good Tonight
    My diver is back and only been on soft food and not much since out of hosp
    Sore left side
    So going to sleep it’s very warm here
    Chris

    • Chris, that nasty diverticulitis…hate that. Thank God for smooth food but I know how boring it is for you. Hope you aren’t getting too thin in all this gut stuff. Do you have an anti-spasmodic that doesn’t dry you too much? I sure hope so. Did you ever try the things I mentioned that help me: slippery elm bark see or caps, peppermint enteric coated and aloe vera gel caps? Sad to hear this after all your recent work in the patio..sorry it’s so darn hot. Love, Sue

      • Well I’ve lost 16 pounds but pleased with that
        Don’t know why it’s started I’ve never been off mash and white bread and rice pudding
        Could it be the bending doing the decking that has done it as it hurts when I bend
        The peppermint caused me to have a burning tum even enteric coated ,the dr prescribed that too, but haven’t tried the slippery elm will buy some in town this week.
        Gonna be hot again today
        Chris

    • Chris
      They are great ! Yes, you can wash them. And they last about 4-5weeks, if not longer. I swim in them as well. Yes, you can put them in yourself. Watch how to on YouTube..
      I do hope you get to feeling better.

      • They sound great
        I do that
        Nope diver still playing up as long as I don’t get a temp with it
        Chris

  13. Tonie, it was my granddaughter who came over to help me yesterday. SHe wanted to and also was lured in by a bit of cash for their upcoming trip in Aug. to Florida. She and my DD are going to the beach for a week while my GS is at Flight School down there. GD and I had such a good time as she could do the stooping for me. Warmer here today at 78. DD is such a sweetheart. She got in touch with some folks she bought s.berries from last year and were good. I made a huge pot, three batches oHope you get that bit of rain.f the strawberry freezer jam. Good way to have to clean out the freezer. Had to get down in the kitchen to help me do the stirring bit, there was so much my shoulder gave out. Just got back from Walmart nursery department, have to replace some violas that were pretty leggy when I bought them and now, not good. Found a large pot of basil and another of Swedish lavender. Couldn’t resist either. I have a little Japanese red maple that is trying to die so keep watering it and now putting ground cover around it to hold it the moisture. Sure wish I had some of those cukes but too heavy to ship. Remember those cinnamon sweet pickles I made several years ago…I think I mentioned them on here. My Mom made the best garlic dill pickles ever. Not sure if I can send you a pic of the tree that hast to come down but you can check them out online.
    Sounds like the singing went well. What a blessing you must be in your voice and sharing. No, that song doesn’t sound familiar to me. You be careful out there with the bears while you share berries. Love ya, oh yes, the hair extensions sound like they worked out well for you. Good.

  14. Sue
    Hope your jam turned out ok. I am hoping for enough berries from my patch to make a little bit. I picked a little more blackberries today . Not many ripe and then it started raining on me. I was so tired anyway. GOt the pickles soaking the last time , so tomorrow I can them. Sweet pickles, lime. SO good and crunchy. I have a big pot of basil in the kitchen window, and some more growing out on the porch. I will dry a lot of it this fall. I need some oregano. I am going to look for it on Thursday when I go back to Walmart. Tomorrow I go get my teeth cleaned. Sure hope they don’t find a cavity. Wish I could send you some cukes. I am growing some dill and I have loads of garlic. I may try to make some of those.
    Well, Mrs Blair cancelled her Dr’s appointment. So I don’t have to take her. Saturday, we are having the memorial for my sil. My brother is coming up with his obnoxious daughter Hope she behaves so I can ignore her. I have to get some pictures together for it, and put them in frames. I also wanted to put some on a memory stick to use my video frame. I really love that thing. I can change out the pictures all the time and they just flow through . I have to stop and watch the sometimes.
    CHris, hope you feel better dear .
    Have a good evening and night all
    Tonie

    • Hi
      Yes I think the diver is easier with no eating
      Went to the coast yesterday and it was sore but last night I thought it was better.we shall see
      Dh had some sandwiches for a picnic…me nowt,but I’m getting used to it after over two months of being careful with food
      It was so hot yesterday it reached 88 not as hot as with you Tonie but it’s gonna be cooler two days then ‘off again till the first week in August we’ve had no rain for a long time and hosepipes are threatened
      Sat outside when we came back till about 11
      Chris

    • Tonie, Oh yes, my jam turned out beautifully. Since I picked them the day before and ran through the blender, very lightly so we still had some pieces of berries. I usually squish them with clean hands but they were not that ripe..ripe but not overly so. Put to containers, enough for six batches, twelve cups. Next day put it all together and it is so easy when it’s freezer jam but I had so much in the huge dutch oven pan, my arm and neck really began to cramp so I called Jim on our intercom and he was kind enough to come down and stir it at the final stirring. Your pickles sound so good. Pickles must be crisp or why bother? I always buy the Claussen brand..because they’re in the refrig section at the store. I also prefer homemade but, not easy now.
      Saw my internist today, very kind man. Got a call from the university on the machine so will make appt. tomorrow for new rheumy visit . I’m going to try to see the head of the dept who I went to several years ago.I like him very much but thought he retired but apparently not.
      What chaotic weather you have had. So sorry. Still lovely here, did get up to 77 yesterday for about three hours.
      Why not make one large glass collection of pictures. I did this for both of my kids pics and they liked them. I took a very large frame, with glass, put in a colorful backdrop and put in many pics, some even overlapping. I put in some stickers of some of their sports, hobbies, animals, etc. Much less work for you. Love you, must close, Sue

  15. Morning all
    Woke up early, per usual, but taking it easy. Made myself some chorizo and eggs with some fresh tomato I picked. Yummy.
    Sue, I so much prefer homemade to store bought, but yes, I agree on the Claussen pickles. I love their dills.
    Dentist today, ugh. Cleaning and mouth is already sore. But….must be done, right ? B is full of pride over the soccer win, but says he is glad it is over. So much violence and confusion. Two people dead in his town and 8 vehicles set on fire with much vandalism and destruction. Same everywhere isn’t it ? Excuses to misbehave. Over a game. He is smart and stays away from large crowds. Too much terrorism there, you never know.
    Chris, I love your beach trips. Wish I lived that close. I really need a few days R & R at the beach ( no comments Lyn, so jealous of your trip still lol). So much to get done before his return next month. Little things, I have put off, won’t take long. I picked up a very nice chest of drawers at the thrift shop. Nice wood, maybe cherry. Needs cleaning and a finish. But a real necessity for when he brings all his clothes back. I had a small cheap one, this one will be a nice replacement.
    So, must get a few housekeeping things done, yuk. It has been raining this morning, which is oky with me. We need it. The garden was so dry.
    Sue, nice idea with the pictures. I have a large container full of frames, maybe I have something there. Trenton is bringing up some of his, but have no idea until he gets here which ones. I need to bake something. We are having coffee and sweets following. Maybe I will make a big batch of ambrosia salad. We will see. I know, easier to buy, but I like to bake !!
    Take care all.
    Tonie

  16. Chris, I am concerned that you have lost so much weight so fast, especially while eating those fattening white foods. I fear, like you said, eating is just too much concern with your gut issues. Would you consider taking a vitamin enrichment drink each day like Ensure or Boost? Such a nice time of year for shakes with all the fresh fruits available. I just hope your heat spell with the weather has cooled a bit. I know how that can ruin a day. Hope you get to get out on your beautiful deck very soon after all your work.
    I got an appt. today with a new rheumy at the university but it is not until November. Yuk. Hope he’s a good one. It’s late and must go but will return tomorrow. Love, Sue

  17. Hi all

    Sue Well went to drs and on antibiotics for diver again
    I’ll look into the drinks sue unfortunately one I nearly bought here the other day I looked at the ingredients and it had sweeteners in so put that back as I can’t have them as they start the runs off for me
    And this will be difficult as one blood test showed I might be prediabetic so had another today might get results by Friday
    I’ll have another look see about those you mentioned ,unfortunately I can’t have any fresh fruits either same reason
    Long wait to see that rheumy but worth it if he is good
    Tonie that’s a lot of vandalism he’ll be pleased to get to yours .
    I looked up ambrosia salad it looks nice with marshmallows in it ,never heard of it like that
    Chris

    • Chris, oh, so many twists and turns in your health and I completely understand the frustration of that. If you are prediabetic you may have to take another look at sweeteners. It’s very possible you can’t have a problem with every one of them. Each is a different composition, and two of them are made from sugar. You are seriously going to run out of anything to eat very soon. I think it would be a wise idea for you to make an appt. with a dietician who can help you figure this all out. If you take your medical records with you, and go to one that is affiliated with a hospital or clinic and will therefore have some medical knowledge besides nutrition. As far as going back on antibiotics, that is just another band-aid and not solving the reasons you are always having gut trouble. Isn’t there any way you can go to some other doctor? Does the National Health Service in England allow second opinions for cases like yours? Intestinal problems is a whole different issue than a disease like your Sjogren’s. Diet, abdominal surgery, meds…there are answers and you just haven’t found them yet. I know the dryness of Sjogren’s can affect the bowels but if your diverticulitis is continually this bad, you may need abdominal surgery to let a doctor go in there and take a look at what is going on. I know the idea makes you cringe but how much longer, how much more suffering, how much weight can you afford to lose, to say nothing of the malnutrition you will suffer? I am worried about you. I don’t want to scare you but this is getting far too serious now. You know I love you and wanat what is best for you. Sue

      • Sue
        The dr said if it didn’t clear up he’s going to refer me to the specialist
        Hope fully results of blood test will be ok this time
        Stopped my brain thinking any more!’
        I think I will have to ask to see a dietitian goodness knows how uvwork out which sweetener is ok they all have a different balance of stuff
        On the bright side the men came to put some pots back on the decking and we sat out till about 9pm
        Tomorrow we go to photo some museum stuff
        Hopefully I say that as the augmentum can give me the runs
        So that’s one mebeverine half an hr before eating and antibiotic after Three x a day
        It’s a blinking nuisance
        Right I’m off to bed
        Chris

  18. Chris
    I use a lot of stevia. Can you use that, no sugar and it is natural. I do hope all comes back good for you this time. There are all sorts of ambrosia salad recipes. I have been making mine with pineapple, mandarin oranges, coconut, coolwhip and vanilla pudding (keeps it from getting soupy).
    Here it is 8:30 and I am already in PJ’s and on the bed. About to dose off I think. Hope you all had a good day.
    Tonie

  19. I’ll check out the stevia tonie for when the diver is over
    Had my results and the hbca test or whatever it is was 42 so that’s at the bottom end of pre diabetic
    So that’s good I’ve lost weight .reduced Sugar I have not quite a half teaspoon in tea,
    I just need to exercise …somehow
    I have white bread for My diver.but will try whole meal now.see how it goes
    The augmentum is starting to play up with the runs
    But pleased with the result today
    Chris

  20. Hello, everyone. Sorry it has been a while. As you might imagine, it has been hectic here. I finished the end tables and coffee table and ordered new pulls for the ends. I was able to take some time off of the furniture, but am about to start on the big project – the dining set. SB and his GF got the townhouse, but right before signing GF realized she may not have the same income going forward. SB his a line on a new job, but the process is slow and he hasn’t officially signed on yet, so it would not be wise for them to sign any rental agreements just yet. We all hated to see the townhouse slip away, but I reminded him there could be an even better place out there when the time is right. You never know. SB is mostly going with his GF’s tastes, though speaks up if he really doesn’t like something. The key for them is budget. They have been buying lots of second hand that are either in good shape or have potential. I think they have most everything they need now. I just need to finish the set. At least I now have more time. That’s good as my body has not been appreciating the extra load, so I need to plan more rest.
    Chris, I hope you are able to get a handle on your gut issues. No fun.
    Sue, so sorry you lost your Monkey tree! But precious time spent with GD… priceless.
    Tonie, good for you! Good eats, great hair, and extra music. All good. I cherish my time in nature also.
    Latest from my friend: she has seen 2 oncologists, was debating seeing a 3rd, but decided to go with one of the first two. They both recommended the same meds. My DH asked if she considered John Hopkins. I asked and she said she couldn’t get in for a consult until the end of August and needs to start treatment earlier than that. The one she chose is part of the Hopkins organization, so all her pathology will be sent there, and she can participate in any of their trials and benefit from their knowledge. She is trying to stay positive and her husband will be a big help there. He is her biggest cheerleader. I will continue to reach out to her regularly without being a pest.
    Best to all!

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