Obstinacy Is A Virtue In A Life With Chronic Pain

 

 

I love that word obstinate. To me it stands for stubbornness, willfulness and determination. If you’re heading into a battle, these are handy virtues to carry along. I realize it can be irritating to be the parent of an obstinate child. As many of us know, it can also be difficult to be married to a stubborn person. There are, however, times when this can be the greatest of all gifts, a virtue, actually. I think my favorite mental picture is that which is evoked by the synonym “mulish.” Can’t you just feel the heart in that word, mulish, thinking about that little mule, stubbornly, steadfastly and boldly standing or sitting firmly, refusing to move. When he’s ready, then, and only then, will he move.

 

Some of us are just naturally born obstinate. Hands on hips, lips curled, nose piqued and knees locked we stand against life. It can make us a real pain in the old tush for our families and those who cross our paths in life, but it sure can come in handy when we need to stand up to actually and very real obstacles. Persistence will take us much farther than self-pity and giving up is usually not an option for those of us who are tenaciously stubborn. Yes, I plead guilty of that virtue. Virtue?

 

One of the most frustrating, maddening and often perplexing barriers in life are those with our health. Of course, self-pity has its place when we must grieve for our lost health but eventually, when our tears dry, we have to go back into the battle. Today I’d like to share with you one of my favorites among the many fables of the ancient bard Aesop.

 

THE CROW AND THE PITCHER

Once there was a thirsty crow. She had flown a long way looking for water to drink.

Suddenly she saw a pitcher. She flew down and saw it held a little water, but it was so low in the pitcher that she could not reach it.

“But I must have that water,” she cried,
I am too weary to fly farther. What shall I do? I know! I’ll tip the pitcher over.”

She beat it with her wings, but it was too heavy. She could not move it.

Then she thought awhile. “I know now! I will break it! Then I will drink the water as it pours out. How good it will taste!”

With beak and claws and wings she threw herself against the pitcher. But it was too strong.

The poor crow stopped to rest. “What shall I do now? I cannot die of thirst with water close by. There must be a way, if I only had wit enough to find it out.”

After a while the crow had a bright idea. There were many small stones lying about. She picked them up one by one and dropped them into the pitcher. Slowly the water rose, till at last she could drink it. How good it tasted!

“There is always a way out of hard places,” said the crow, “if only you have the wit (and obstinacy) to find it.”

 

Let us all resolve to be stubborn, mulish and pig-headed as we face down a life more difficult than most. Let us take pride in the obdurate life as strength is called for in the most difficult of times. It doesn’t really matter much if we have those traits in a life of daisy chains and sunshine but they are sorely needed when we need to “reach water” and have to figure out a way to do it. Don’t give up my dears. Life is worth the battle, even if it often doesn’t feel worthy of the battle. Tomorrow will be different. Your human spirit, your will, your faith and your hope in rough times, and yes, your obstinacy; these are everything.  I know they are my weapons a I do battle everyday in this quest for comfort, relief and existence with my own health.

 

AN  UNLIKELY  PLACE  FOR  COURAGE

 

Where do you find courage?

On a battlefield in war?

On the streets of a vast city

With its violence unscored?

 

Is courage just in movies

Or only found in books?

Does it have to be dramatic

Your life in tenterhooks?

 

Courage sometimes falls,

Quietly descending

Like a snowy mantle

Protective, insulating.

 

Do we seek to find courage?

Or does it indeed choose you?

Is it something you’re born with,

Or what you learn to do?

 

Life never runs too smoothly

No matter who you are.

There are times when each of us

Could use a lucky star.

 

What if the roots of courage

Already grow within?

Defining our definition

Of hero or heroine?

 

Sometimes courage hides

In some unlikely place,

Exhibiting itself

As a quiet act of grace.

 

The young mother who

Stumbles out of bed,

Half a dozen times

To touch a feverish head.

 

A father who works overtime

To provide his families needs,

A wounded soldier coming home

Life changed by war’s foul deeds.

 

Some of us need courage

Just to face each day,

We utter up a prayer, “Dear God,

I can’t live this way.”

 

We say, All hope is gone,

But it is just in hiding,

It lies in the dark, hidden by fear

Yet stands firmly, guiding.

 

Somehow strength wells up,

Sorrow replaced by joy,

Courage and hope,

Life cannot destroy.

 

 

 

Hang onto your courage my friends because you have it, I know you do. If yours is currently in hiding, trying sprinkling it with hope and you might be surprised at the results, my fellow warriors.

 

 

 

 

 

 

60 thoughts on “Obstinacy Is A Virtue In A Life With Chronic Pain

  1. I don’t know about courage, but I am really stubborn. I prefer tenacious or determined, but it amounts to the same thing, the refusal to give up. Really enjoyed the blog, thank you.

    • Janet
      Stubborn is stubborn, no matter which word you use for it, lol. But it amounts to a character trait that gives strength when needed, and staying power when others quit. To survive, a lot of us women have had to be really deep rooted in this trait. It’s been a rough ride sometimes !
      Love ya
      Tonie

    • Janet, I am always pleased when you can relate to my experience. It is a good virtue, whatever name it goes by. A mule by any other name is still a mule. Just think of it..a whole word in our lexicon just because that animal is stubborn. Stay that way dear friend, it’s working for you. Love you, Sue

    • Higher perspective, I’m sure Tonie will be glad to see you like the picture she chose. It wasn’t me. I just wrote the blog. Always good to hear from you and hope your blog is being read a great deal. Hang in…Sue

  2. Sue
    So many of us would never have survived without the stubbornness necessary for the moment. It is rough raising kids on your own. Working in a world that demands more of us on less pay than a man. That was our world. Then get hit in the face with these diseases that took away our abilities of working. But I thank God for giving me the strength to continue on. For all the ways I have improved through exercise and moving, new meds, and friends like you. All of youon this blog, over the years. How much strength and stubbornness have we shared ? Knowledge is a wonderful thing. And we have shared much of it as well. So to start off the New Year, let’s resolve another year of doing it together again.
    Love
    Tonie

    • Tonie, it is interesting how many experiences we all share, losing jobs, etc. The pain every day is of course the most common. Some of us have learned to be stubborn over the years of suffering by fighting back whereas others of us are just born that way.
      As far as the coming year, I plan to write my blog for as long as I am able to. After that,, . it will live on online just as the articles/blogs I wrote for seven years for everydayhealth.com are still posted there. Truth is truth and always rings loudly and clearly in the heart. Love you gal and hope you are recovering from the overdoing required by the past holiday. Sue

  3. Chris
    Just read your post on the other blog. Prayers dear friend, whether you read this or no, I hope you feel them.
    Hang in there and know we are with you in spirit. For dh as well
    Tonie

    • Chris, Hope you saw my note to you on my last blog. Prayers for help continues for both of you and your eye problems. Love, Sue

  4. Sie dear. Your wit, wisdom and willingness to share will never cease to amaze me. You are one of a kind, and I am grateful to have you as a friend. I hope the new year will see your health improving day by day, exponentially. Hugs to you.

    • Phyllis, now wouldn’t that be nice if I began to feel improved. That would require a miracle with the diagnosis I have but I still believe in them. That’s how I got this far, I believe. As far as my wit and wisdom; I was born a smartass but the wisdom came to me the hard way, like everything worth while. I do wish there was an easier way to achieve it but alas…I am sure you would agree about that from your own experience you beautiful woman. Love ya , Sue

    • Coventwmn, Good for you and I believe it is true for so many of us. It’s a matter of balance and proves the old adage…Mind over matter and yes, we matter. Giving up is often tempting but thankfully the urge only last for awhile then flees. Welcome to my blog and I hope you will return and read a few of the older ones. Been at this for 13 years now, first years being on everydayhealth.com. Just Google me for any more. Prayers and hopes for your continued health and perseverance. Come again, you are always welcome, Sue

  5. What a great blog
    I was that awful child who used to stamp their foot to get what they want
    Just after the war when grapes were just coming into the shops over here…that’s what I wanted…my mum tried all manner of things even messy ice cream..but in the shop ..there was me stamping my foot saying….I want grapes….
    I always remember my mum said the assistant told her, an embarrassed mum ….that will serve her in life when she’s older
    I don’t remember this but was told….and so it has..I had a book too on easops fables
    Well that’s as much as I can manage
    Thankyou sue and tonie for your prayers I must say I do feel relaxed about it
    Tomorrow morning is when I see the specialist
    Hate the fiddling with the eye as it’s the weakest one anyway with the sjogrens
    Chris

    • Chris dear, I can just envision you as a little girl stomping her feet in a shop. I used to do that when I had to have my picture taken. There are no pictures of me as a little one without my arms crossed in defiance. That’s why my three older sisters nicknamed me “Brat.” My sister who is still living who I mentioned recently has a birthday today, and is eight years older than I and her nickname was “Pill.” She told me the other day it was so good for me to call her that on the phone. No one calls her that anymore.
      The old fables are so filled with wisdom as well as fun. Secrets within secrets…Thinking of you tomorrow. I so understand about having your eyes messed with. Love you much and empathize so much right now. Sue

  6. Stubborn? Me? Persistant, tenacious, whatever you choose, guilty as charged. I know, hard to imagine. I do think is serves us quite well in this life, Sue. Quite well, indeed. What a timely (for many of us), and good read. I thank your stubborn ol’ self. Hugs, my friend.

    • Lyn
      I always loved those fables. THey hold and held so much meaning, and always the morals that I was raised upon. And yes, I too can be stubborn, as a mule !!! A mule will dig in the feet and hold firm no matter what you do to make them move. I think women, in general, HAVE to have that in order to deal with hubbies, children and life in general. Don’t you ?

  7. Stubborn? Me? Persistant, tenacious, whatever you choose, guilty as charged. I know, hard to imagine. I do think is serves us quite well in this life, Sue. Quite well, indeed. What a timely (for many of us), and good read. I thank your stubborn ol’ self. Hugs, my friend. Oh, and I’m a fan of Aesop’s Fables as well.

    • Sorry for the double post. It didn’t look like it did, so I added what I forgot and tried again. That also looked like it hadn’t gone through, but thankfully has. Best to everyone in the upcoming week.

    • Lyn, sometimes these computers have a mind of their own. I agree, as you know the importance of tenacity and today mine is stretched far too far. Just read my post to Chris and you’ll understand. Love and hope you are resting from the last few weeks. Love, Sue

  8. Hi
    All went well
    She could see the black blob and said the flashing and lights I saw was the jelly stuff coming away from the back of the eye
    So they put three different drops in and an eyeglass thing that went right on my eyeball. There were no tears there .so she said she wasn’t concerned now.she gave me the phone of her secretary to ring or go to A and E at hosp if it happens again
    But she is happy with it..so all good..what a worry that was tho
    So I’ll pack it in as my eye sore ..it’s my worst eye as well…also blurred from the drops still
    It’s those names for things and people we used in our childhood in the family that are somehow important as we get older sue
    Chris

  9. Chris dear, somehow, I know you have relief but it is a bit reserved due to the pain. I hope you are something to take for pain or at least a drop that would numb the eye. Did she recommend icing it at all?
    How right you are about nicknames. I have been very down since yesterday. We had our garbage disposal more or less blow up and out a pipe under the sink flooding my kitchen floor I had just mopped yesterday morning and spilling garbage all over the doors under the sink and everything under the sink. It happened right at dinner time so dinner was a bit late and over done. We can’t get a plumber out until tomorrow at the earliest so all of the pans, dishes from last night are still there. Jim and I working together took an hour to get the mess up…potato peelings, cornflakes and breakcrumbs I had used to coat the chicken in the oven. Dinner was good if a little overly cooked. It was all too much stress for this tired old lady. I’m down in spirit right now. Love to you and glad your eye is not threatened and pray the pain passes quickly. Love you, Sue

  10. Oh sue what a sh.t thing to happen
    How awful to have to clean all that mess. And I know how exhausted you must both be
    It’s so depressing to have the kitchen or bathroom out of action and spoiled
    I’m impressed that you still managed dinner.. but not surprised ….that’s your tenacity
    I hope the plumber comes and sorts it out in one go it’s a long time to go with no sink from yesterday

    My eye is easing I did put a cold compress on it
    Hope all is sorted and it’s something simple with the sink
    Chris

    • Chris sweet friend, Try freezing some cold washcloths. Glad it’s easing. As far as dinner, I had chicken in oven and the potatoes ready for home style fries and had to cook or they would turn brown…and if I’d put them in water, they’d pop like mad when I did fry them, you know? By the way, the chicken was marvelous. My favorite way to oven fry: soak in milk or buttermilk, roll in mixture of crushed cornflakes, equal amount bread crumbs, seasonings to taste and three tablespoons oil. No oil in pan for oven, med. high temp…so good and healthy. Thoughts for you and hope it eases in your eye. No plumber yet…Jim a bit testy, me, just depressed and worn out. Love, Sue

  11. Well it’s morning here I’ll put some face cloths in the freezer I think they will be colder than the gel mask
    I use crushed corn flakes for chicken too.have for years ..I use all corn flakes
    Hope today is better for you ..it’s bound to be
    My eye is a bit better just gotta get used to this black beetle in my eye that swoops like a jet black crow across the front .
    Had lots of floaters for years but more grey and they don’t bother me
    Chris

    • Chris, how frustrating for you. Oh, our eyes..we don’t appreciate them until they go bad like with Sjogren’s. Do you think you will get used to the crow bit with time? I am pleased to hear the pain has eased. It makes one so stressed and so hard to sleep. I am trying to imagine what they did to you and it all sounds miserable but so glad you’re better. Love you much, Sue

  12. Tonie, Tookie, huh? Nope not good for a teen but kinda cute. I think it’s such a sign of love for a parent to pick a cute nickname for a child…it’s so spontaneous and makes you so special.
    Oh Judy, Hitting her head on the chimney in her bedroom? Oh my gracious. I know that must be so scary for you and now more work…not that you mind but you already have such a full cup. Surely she can be made to see how her life could change in a moment of carelessness or just because of a slip. I think I’m a bit more careful..we share similar problems..because I saw so many elderly people whose lives were changed forever by an accident of some sort…often in their homes. I know how much you love her and want her to be careful. So frustrating. Give her my love and tell her what I said here. I always have a free hand on our stairs, never go down the stairs when my knees are too bad in the AM, etc. No slippery rugs and other precautions.

    Oh the mess we had was overwhelming. I was getting ready to make homefries, had wonderful chicken all coated in the oven , was also going to stick in some cauliflower for a few mins in a dash of oil and parmesan and went over to put the leftover coating down the garbage disposer and Jim had just peeled three potatoes, only three.The stuff popped up the other side so Jim came in to plunge the sink side and then POW. All seemed well and As soon as I turned on the disposal, garbage and a lot of water blew out of both sides of our double sink and flew out of the bottom as well, hitting the cupboard doors under the sink and flooding the floor. We had cornflakes and peelings with water everywhere. I was determined we were going to eat, J was doing his usual, stressing out majorly, you know men.

    An hour later we had a washer full of towels with garbage and water washing, we couldn’t wash any dishes because everything under the sink was in pieces. The next day the plumber pulled a six inch long plug of garbage out of the pipe and put it all back together.

    I hope and pray B is feeling better and watching what he eats. I hope he gets that opinion over here in the states.
    I’m down for the count today with a bout of IBD/IBS and cancelled my PET scan for Friday because the diet restrictions start today. I can’t eat any of the things that make me better, so cancelled. Love you and thinking of you and Judy. Sue

    • Sue
      My goodness such a lot of devastation there
      How is the IBDAndIBS
      I should rest as much as you can to get over all that..how you needed the words in the blog .and they rightfully .belong to you…
      My eyes are easing..went to the optician for glasses today as he wouldn’t do them till I’d been to the hospital….and I have a cataract in the weaker eye and that’s causing a lot of the blurring
      Dh no good with his tho has more ointment and has lost some lining to the eyelid
      The dr was saying today they give Botox for this condition!

      Tonie hope Judy takes all the good advice
      And you mite be going on a trip then…..
      Look after yourselves for now
      Chris

      • Chris, do you need cataract surgery? Did DH get that eyelash problem on the lower lid fixed somehow? Can’t they remove the lashes? Interesting about the botox. Wonder if they inject the lid itself? hang in there my dear girl.
        Yes, my gut a bit better as long as I am careful in what I eat. Did something to my back, bad right now when standing for any time. Love, Sue

    • Alison(Rosetint) good to hear from you. Holidays great but glad they’re over and hope you’re turned out well. Did you get to be with your kids?
      I did hurt my back lifting something, I suspect in the kitchen and been hurting more. Think I may have had another spontaneous fracture of a low vertebra, feel like it. Decor still up but need to work on it a bit at a time.en
      Yes, do try that recipe for chicken, it is good without being fried and my DH won’t eat roasted chicken. Do you use buttermilk much in England? Just wondered. Yes, that was quite a night but the chicken and cottage fried potatoes were good. Lots of rain here in good old soggy Oregon. Hope you didn’t overdo too much but know we all did…Love ya, Sue

      • Im sure i could get buttermilk but its not widely used. Had a lovely time with all four of my children and their partners and of course a lovely first Christmas with 5 month old grandson Arlo. Happy new year to you xx hope your back pain improves.

  13. Hi sue
    Well the cataract they will leave till it gets a bit worse,as with the sjogrens it would be troublesome
    They are talking about taking the eye lashes out for dh ,we will know more when see the specialist,but I think they would be turning in when they grow again.. maybe that doesn’t happen?
    The back I bet you hurt when doing the kitchen fiasco….what a thing to happen so new into the year
    Like..my eye went on the 1st….good start too
    Nothing on much today..except dh got a crystal ball!! He will use it for his photography..new trend in doing stuff in its reflection
    Couldn’t get one from the photoshops..so I said .,I know would a fortune teller know where to get one…..well I found one locally from google ,rang her and she had a spare one….so sold it to us very cheaply.went to her house to get it .nice girl
    So that’s been going on most of the day ..photo the garden thru it,upside down it goes….can’t see the point really
    I was wondering do they do a book ..crystal fortune gazing for dummies!?
    Well hope all have a good weekend and you ibs and back improve sue

  14. Hello all
    Well, heck of a week for us here. Ended yesterday with Walmart telling me they would no longer take RX’s from my pain Dr. Pain Dr, he writes pain med rx’s , not aspirins ! Stupid stupid people ! So tired of all this mess with our drugs. We are being treated like druggies.
    So anyway. Judy’s appointment wasn’t for surgery, just the prelim before. Next month I take her to Roanoke for the surgery. For now we have had snow, now ice. Tomorrow morning, supposed to be at the pain Dr at 8 am. Hopefully I can get out.
    I have had the worse headaches. 5 more months on the antibiotics. Go next month to get tested for carpal tunnel……does it ever end ?
    So, no more whining. I am doing well otherwise, just always busy everyday it seems.
    Hope you all are doing better. Take care, and remember me in your prayers
    Love to all
    Tonie

  15. Hello, everyone! I’m sorry to hear of maladies and headaches, literal and situational. Tonie, are your literal headaches tied in to the weather and barometric pressure at all? We’ve had a bad season for that this year, haven’t we? This weather is nuts. Thankfully, this last storm system only knicked us. We had about an inch and a half to 2 inches of snow, no ice. My good friend in the DC area had 6 inches yesterday morning and it continued to snow throughout the day. She didn’t know what they ended up with.

    Never a dull moment here. Last week SB got hit with the stomach bug and last Wednesday my step-father was taken by ambulance to the hospital. He is still there. He has COPD and his O2 level had plummeted. Additionally, his blood count was low. There is a bleed somewhere, probably from the Eliquis he was on, but they haven’t been able to do an endoscopy yet to find where it might be due to his respiratory concerns. He has a partial blood clot forming in his leg again, so they have to be careful with meds. They are going with a slow heparin drip so they can adjust, blood tests every 6 hours. Lots going on. Thankfully, they discovered his heart is good, no fluid there now (so, thankfully he could be taken of the Lasix they had put him on), but still fluid in lungs, I believe. Overnights have bee bad for him and he has not had luck with his bipap overnight, so Mom stayed with him last night. Much better night, and he is more alert this morning. Time will tell as to whether they find him well enough to do the endoscopy or not. So… the stress continues, which we all know is not great for those of us with RA (and many other maladies.) I’ve not been sleeping well, am sore and fatigued. I can’t imagine how my Mom is hanging on. Purely because she has to, I am sure. She has also been sleep deprived and having to stay on top of all things medical for him. Thankfully, she is very good at understanding and navigating the medical world. We have some Christmas down, some still up. I hope to get the rest down today. Fingers crossed!

    • Lyn
      Prayers for your stepdad. And your mom. I know it has to be hard for all of you. Take care of your mom, okay ?and keep us informed
      Tonie

  16. Oh so much for everyone
    Lyn
    I hope your stepfather improves in hospital there it sounds so worrying and your sb is over that bug
    How is your friend now who was so ill and her mother
    Tonie you are having a bad time with stuff..is something improving re the lymes and antibiotics
    Good you have B there to share it all with as well with this weather now
    Sue. How’s you..they will do the cataract when it gets worse..not keen with the dry eyes
    Dh is wait8ng to be seen at the hospital
    My diver is playing up again
    Hope yours is still on the mend
    Chris

  17. Chris
    My headaches I think are from the Lyme’s. Back on the antibiotics B. Has been working hard for home and for Judy. And we are trying to keep her busy and safe. Days just flyby and I am tired of winter already. How are things over your way ? How’s Dd doing ? Married life good to her ?
    Sue, hope you are feeling better. We are supposed to get snow again this weekend. Ugh! I miss Az in the winter.
    Everyone take care and stay warm
    Tonie

    • I do hope the headaches will go with the antibiotics now
      The weather is getting colder here looked out just now and it’s started to snow a bit..won’t settle it’s only slight
      Dh is doing ok but has had flu bad.been ill for two weeks unable to get out of bed,but is much better now but still gets tired and lost her voice
      Still go out for cheese scones for breakfast,,but go early when not many there so don’t catch anything going about
      I can’t have the flu vac
      Chris

  18. Lyn, I am so sorry for what your family is going through. Please know I have been praying for your stepdad. Poor man. Those kinds of conditions are at first so hard to diagnose and then to understand as a patient.
    Chris, My sister’s name is Billie and she weighs in at about 70 lbs. now. She is in a very bad state right now. I’m Still here but gut, like yours, has been bad. My sis, my last remaining one is near death. She fell on Sunday and hasn’t been with it since, no food nor drink and is on constant morphine. Please pray for my family and her dear husband who has been trying to care for her before hospice has now helped them a bit more.
    Tonie, hope you’re hanging in there since our recent chat and Judy is improving. Love to all of you and please, be patient with me. I haven’t the strength to write more.
    Chemo today, dentist yesterday. I’m empty tonight. Sue

    • Sue
      My prayers for all your family and you sue.
      So sad for billie and her husband they sound devoted ,how thin billie must be
      And so far away
      Why can’t life be easier for us all
      My gut has reached a plateau if I keep on white bread white pasta white everything and not much of it
      No fruit and no veg and only tinned carrots (they are soft) and potatoes (no skins)
      Also ham ,cheeseand chicken
      That’s the lot…but you can vary the mix of it all and with that I can keep to a low level of the pain with occasional bouts of IBS which affect the diver and have to then starve for two days ….I’m on a soft diet anyway
      Hope you are sleeping right now and gaining strength from it
      It so wearing all the hosp appts
      Chris

      • Chris
        So sorry for the severity of your pain and especially your diet. I pray for your recovery . I can’t imagine having to limit my intake like that. ESP the white bread….ugh. I like mine full of seeds and twigs and such, lol.
        Sue, as always, prayers for you and yours.
        Love
        Tonie

  19. To all my dear blog friends, my beloved sister Billie Falkner Israel passed out of her state of peace into a world without peace, as she left this realm, earth to the next. Please pray for wonderful DH of over 60 years and her son, daughter and numerous grands and great grands. I was very close to her as she was the one of my three sisters who was closest to me in age, eight years older than me. My heart lies heavy for those of us who will miss her old, cute, funny and sweet self but know she is in a place without pain…finally. Thank you for your prayers, Sue

  20. Sad but expected news Sue
    Such feelings at these times that hurt so much and yet the memories so vivid and good
    Prayers for all of the family
    Chris

  21. Sue, I am so sorry for your loss. Best for her, hard for those left behind. You have my thoughts and my prayers.
    Chris, hoping you find some relief soon. Tonie, hang in there with Judy and B.
    Thank you all for your concern and prayers for my stepfather. He came home from the hospital on Wednesday. Endoscopy is scheduled for Feb. 2, I believe. His blood counts were improving, so docs were feeling good about postponing until he was home and had a chance to improve his breathing. He is looking much better, but of course it is all relative. He is not, nor will ever again be well. COPD, heart and vascular issues labeled on his discharge diagnosis as acute and severe. He started really improving in there when my Mom started staying overnight in there, so as long as there are no acute emergencies, will probably do his best at home. I have been doing all I can for Mom. It is hard to get her to sit and rest (I know, shocker), but I have been doing what I can. The morning we knew he’d be discharged sometime in the afternoon I went down and completely vacuumed their house top to bottom. Funny thing, I said that to Mom and she didn’t realize I was speaking literally. I also did their lower level, which they only use for large family gatherings like Christmas, and hadn’t been vacuumed since Christmas. I also washed the bed cover and shams in the room where kitty Zoey had her things. Unfortunately, my stepfather thinks he has developed an allergy to cats, so Zoey had to be rehomed. Hence, my desire to vacuum as best as possible. This, sadly, has been another huge blow to Mom. She and Zoey were very close and had a special relationship. Thankfully, DD was able to take Zoey in so Mom can see her, if and when she can manage enough time away from my stepfather. DH is amazed by Mom’s strength. I’m keeping tabs on her. I know that “let down” will occur. She’ll need extra support.
    Best to all!

    • Lyn, I feel so badly about your Mom’s cat Zoey. I had dear tiny Clancy with me this AM when I read these remarks and could feel his comfort so much. I am pleased she can see her from time to time for a hug. I am relieved your FIL is home but must agree the future does not look promising. I will pray he has time on this earth if he can be comfortable. My sister had fracture after fracture of the vertebrae and so much pain over the years. She had Valley Fever, a fungal disease of the lungs many years back and had a lobe removed, but still she went back to smoking. was always so much fun and always into mischief. The nephews and nieces all loved her so much for that but in recent years, she couldn’t remember even the names of her great grands. She was married to the dearest man on earth for 65 years and now, he can rest for awhile.
      What a good daughter you are to vacuum. It is always so much better and uplifting to come home when stressed to a clean house. Thank you for your remarks and check out my post from last night and you can see where my niece, Jana Israel Ljepava posted their wedding pic. I was her maid of honor when I was 13 years old and she was mine when I married Jim many years later. They had an interesting life, were in the peace Corps in Uruguay as a family when the kids were teens. Billie’s gardening was her hobby but not so much in recent years. Death hurts us so much but thank God we Christians and other faiths have the promise of the forever after in peace. Love you much, Sue

  22. Chris dear, I am so sorry you still have so many diet restrictions but can completely understand. I have always believe I have gastroparesis and it is possible you do, also because so many folks with Sjogren’s do. I feel full immediately and have always fought constipation, daily. I’ve had potato soup today, yogurt and will have some butter milk. I am surprised not to see eggs on your list of “I do’s”. Can you eat them. Do you have trouble with yeast breads? I know I often do and at other times don’t. It’s a rough way of life but it is the one we have. Thank God, most days, for that. Love you , Sue

  23. Hi all
    Your step father going home will be better for him now it’s all easier for him and so much better for your mum
    But you must rest if you can
    Sue
    Yea I forgot eggs love em
    Well I do get a bit fed up but have them a lot
    I can have yogurts but only ones with sugar not any sweeteners…that’s difficult and also no fruit bits even vanilla can have seed pods
    I’ve found one which I can have…..but because of the prediabetic thing can only have small amounts
    So…….I have had cystitis quite bad the usual blood in it…put me on antibiotics strong ones as it was a bad infection
    Didn’t think they were going to work but have just started too
    Only thing is these are the only ones I don’t get a rash to but last time I had them the diver came bad with bleeding
    So fingers crossed…
    The white sliced bread is the only one I can have and I seem ok on that. ..would love to have granary bread…but that would put me no good
    How’s you tonie
    Chris

    • Tonie
      That would be so good thankyou
      I’m not sure what would suit me tho ..try me with one thing you think
      I’m not a baker really and I’m not sure of trying stevia as I’m not sure to try at moment ..scared really .

      Dd and gs came over today for a meal and we all had a great time doing a Lego I bought him.it was an adult one and soo complicated…it was good fun .itll take him a week to do it I think maybe more
      It was a Volkswagen beatle if you have them with you
      Took my mind off the bladder left bruised after the cystitis..it takes a time for that to improve for me
      Cold here going to be till March they say…
      Chris

  24. Chris, I also shun all artificial sweeteners, even the ones they claim are processed from sugar and stick with lower amounts of sugar and honey. I just sent for a couple of paperback cookbooks on gastroparesis, IBS and they should come today. I’ll let you know if they look helpful so you can order them. Thy weren’t much…on Amazon. I do best with sugar yogurts. Stop and read the label on Greek Gods brand sometime. It has no fruit or seeds, just flavor. One is a honey one. I also do much better on all vegies with occasional chicken or fish. Pork, all forms and beef always cramp me. Love, Sue

    • They don’t do the Greek gods one here sue..it’s difficult to get one without sweetener and bits in it.ive got one I use but they stopped making it last week and put vanilla seeds in it !
      I can’t have beef at all either,nor pork…but ham ok tho ..strange.. and fish and chicken ok
      Those books sound interesting
      My bloods came back thyroid on borderline..cholesterol below normal…but the hb1ac..like one that shows every three months was the same
      Disappointed in that no change after three mths of low carb,exercise and thinking it was low as the pinprick one I do at home is always low. So fed up with that
      I’m just below pre diabetes but expected it much lower…what would happen if I ate a normal diet ….
      Hope you are doing ok
      Chris

  25. Chris
    Try the plain yogurt and use stevia in it. Or a bit of honey , if allowed. That I do. So many good things can be done without sugar or very little. Because of B’s ”obsession” about diabetes and his love of sweets, I have learned to bake really good stuff with very little or no sugars. If you want, I can share some with you. Things that have no seeds, etc I have baked or made.
    Sue, prayers of course, still for you all
    Lyn, so glad your sf has improved and is home. Sorry for your mom’s loss of her pet. Sad that, and I know she misses it.
    Stay warm everyone. Off to swim, B getting a haircut today. His hair is very long. I made him an ear and neck warmer that fits over his ball cap. So easy. I really need to take time to set up my website and sell some things. Sunday I had a hen for French Toast. Of course, he had never heard of it, lol. But he liked it. It has been so cold and windy. It warmed up for today but now it will cool down and rain, with snow. Ugh ! So tired of winter and there is still a couple months left.
    Love to all
    Tonie

    • Hya
      Does B have family history of diabetes to be concerned
      Given my results of hb1ac I think I would like to go and do summat different
      I’m not a baker as such..and unlike you can’t whip it up confidently.but if you’d like to post /email one I would be grateful .one you’d think I could manage!!
      Love French toast..I wonder how it got that name
      It’s been cold here but gives it warmer this weekend …but cold and snow next week
      Chris

      • Yes, Chris
        B has a family history of high sugars. His does to run that high, but the way he loves sugar……he has no willpower when it c9mes to it, so I try to cut down on it.
        Can you eat oatmeal ? I have some good cookie recipes I use apples instead of eggs, and very little sugar. Yet they are still sweet. I will send it to you. Easy.
        Cold is coming tomorrow with snow…ugh ! Still very tired most days but push on through, rest in the evenings. If it snows tomorrow it will be a lazy day.
        Hope all is well with you,
        Tonie

  26. Hello, I’ve not been able to visit here for a while. This winter (and probably stress as well) is kicking my backside. Yes, SF is much happier at home. It does make more for my Mom. I’m trying to get down to visit more often, and help out when I can. Lately I’ve not been able to do much around my own home. Zoey and DD’s cat are slowly interacting more, thank goodness.
    Chris, I second Tonie’s suggestion of plain yogurt. You can sweeten with honey or sugar and whatever other flavorings you might enjoy and can tolerate.
    I find I’m not able to make it over here as often of late, but know that all are in my prayers.

  27. Hi tonie
    I do love oats and make porridge for dh every morning,but the last time I tried oats I was in a lot of pain…again with apples I had a bad dose of diver after ..admitting they were not cooked but darent go there ….see I’m awkward
    Eggs I’m ok with and white flour tho .. I am a terror with sugar too…well have been with sweets and cakes as you know
    I see it’s go8ng to be snow here tomorrow nite,not as much as with you ..
    Lyn
    I think I’m going to have to try plain yogurt that I can find with just sugar and flavour it with something
    At the moment finishing the pots of the one they are not making anymore
    Good you are taking time to rest up a bit even tho we don’t see as often ..you have one busy life
    Hope all is well with your family
    Chris

  28. Dear Friends, Just a quick update. I am working on a new blog for the coming weekend. I have not been well since Christmas and having the new kitty has taken a lot of my online time because he walks on the keys, as you know, I write on the bed. We are still keeping him isolated from our Yorkie because he barks and scares the kitty. We are hoping as the kitten gets larger there will be less danger of risk to him from Georgie. Clancy is already up to 4.6 lbs at three months so he will be pretty large. In order to have a good pet, Jim and I take turns spending time with him and with George.
    With the death of my dear sister, Billie, I am still having such periods of grief and am concerned for her DH. I do know she had a graveside service on Friday. I have always wanted to be cremated because the idea of burying someone’s remains in the ground is such a dreary and tragic idea to me. Please continue your prayers for her dear family especially her DH as he faces life without her after 65 years.
    Chris, I do like one of the new cookbooks I like very much and got it on Amazon. It is for all who have irritable bowel problems of many kinds, author Karen Frazier called THE GASTROPARESIS COOKBOOK.So far all of the symptoms she describes are those that you and I both have. I recommend it highly. .I know the struggle you have day by day and share it. Jim and I still have not made it out for his birthday dinner due to mine acting up, literally, since Christmas. I have also been having an unusual amount of trouble with dry eyes and blurred vision and it is so frustrating.

    Tonie, oh dear, such cold and snow. I know Laura and Lyn are also going through this hideous cold and pray you will each be safe and stay as well as you can. I know you are much busier now that you are a married woman and am glad you’re still getting out for your Sat night dates. It will all work out in March as far as B going back to France although I know you wish he would have it done here. Having faith in one’s doctor is very overrated when there are many more up do date surgeons and GI docs here in this country plus the benefit of having you near him. I know that story will unfold for you with time my dear friend. I hope Judy is staying safe in this wretched weather you are facing.

    Lyn, I pray your SF is still doing well. Sorry I referred to him mistakenly last entry as your FIL. May he continue to be comfortable although his diagnosis is grim but with good treatment he could do well for quite awhile longer. I know it must be such a stress for your Mom and losing her dear pet, well, really. If her DH was allergic it surely would have turned up before recently. I know how severely this frigid weather makes you hurt so please, take extra care.

    Love to all who read here and you may be interested to know the folks on my FB has mounted to 707 as of yesterday just with people who read and find older articles and blogs I’ve written. SO many are hurting out there and need guidance and caring. You’re ever in my prayers and thoughts, Sue

    • Sue, for now SF is doing better, even wanted to get out of the house briefly the other day, which is good. He had an endoscopy Friday and they found no bleeding – halleluia! Yes, I thought it odd that he could be around Zoey for so long without noticing, but the symptoms he described are ones I have experienced when I am around an allergen, so I’m not sure what to think. Also, once he gets an idea in his head, it is very hard to convince him otherwise. It seemed best all around. They asked his PC doc and she said to remove the cat. Every thankful that DD was able to take her. I’m looking forward to a quiet SuperBowl day here with DD. Her BF is head cook of a buffet at a Fire Company today and she doesn’t like large crowds, so he will do his thing there (volunteers his time and skills) and she will relax here. SB will be hanging out with friends. Both were able to come to family dinner at a great restaurant last night celebrating my parents in law’s 68th wedding anniversary. Great meal, great company.
      Prayers for you and your family, and all here.

  29. Lyn, Wow, 68 years is such a very long time; how wonderful that you all got to celebrate. Your families always eat so well. It’s great to be able to have so many cooks in the family. Does your DD cook? Glad to hear your SF is maintaining okay. As far as the Super Bowl, we aren’t ball fans here but the commercials do look interesting and entertaining every year.
    Same old stuff here with gut trouble. Hope you have survived the extreme cold weather. How awful and lethal it has been for so many. Good to get an update from you, as ever, Sue

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