De-Nial Is My Favorite River



This past week, America and the world lost a brilliant and inspirational figure in Dr. Charles Krauthammer due to cancer. He was a Harvard trained psychiatrist, a Pulitzer Prize winning columnist for his posts in the Washington Post and a conservative commentator on television. He was brilliant, mild in his quiet approach and always well-spoken and well versed. It is said by those who knew him and worked him, when he began to speak whether in an interview or on a panel, everyone paused to listen.


Charles was born in New York in 1950, brought up in Montreal and reared in the Jewish faith. His father, Shulim Krauthammer, an Austrian/Hungarian, his mother, Thea was born in Belgium. The couple met in Cuba. His parents were interested in all things and taught Charles to always explore, discover, investigate and learn. Charles went to McGill University and Oxford where he met his wife, Robyn. They had one son, Daniel and Charles was utterly devoted to him. They both are still living and it is said his son looks exactly like his father.


When Charles was a first-year medical student at Harvard, he and a friend decided to go for a quick swim before playing tennis. When he dove into the pool, he hit his head on the bottom of the pool, breaking a critical cervical vertebra and severing the spinal cord. As it happens, his class was studying the nervous system at the time and he knew, immediately what had happened and knew, in that moment his life would be changed forever; as he lay on the bottom of the pool. His friend, assuming he was “fooling around” took a minute or two to realize something was terribly wrong, before diving into the pool to pull Charles out. As fate would have it, there were two books laying on the side of the pool with his belongings. One was “The Anatomy of the Spinal Cord” and “Man’s Fate” by Andre Malraux. One must question if this was Charles fate or simply a tragic accident? For those of us who live with the ongoing results of chronic suffering, pain and disease, is it our fate or just some random act of choice by the powers in charge of this thing called life? Does it matter? Would anything change if we were to find the answer to that question?


Charles, with an amazing determination and indomitable spirit, insisted on finishing that year and medical school. While in the hospital, lying on his back, he had the nurses and his friends place two medical books above his head in a holder so he could read them. He explained later, in an interview he had them place two books so the nurses wouldn’t have to come in to turn the pages as often. Stubborn, determined, inspired and immediately facing the reality that was to be his life, he completed medical school and became a doctor of psychiatry. He spent the rest of his life confined to a wheelchair with only partial use of his arms and hands. He drove a specially designed car and it is said, he scared the life out of everyone who rode with him as they clutched their arms rests.


He always had the philosophy while growing up as a Jew and a scholar, he did not like to stereotype others and did not. After his accident, he was determined he would not be defined by a wheelchair. In an interview for the Post he stated, “I don’t like when they make a big thing about it and the worst thing is when they tell me how courageous I am. That drives me to distraction. That was the one thing that bothered me very early on. The first week, I thought, the terrible thing is that people are going to judge me now by a different standard. If I can just muddle through life, they’ll say it was a great achievement given this. I thought that would be the worst, that would be the greatest defeat in my life—if I allowed that. I decided if I could make people judge me by the old standard, that would be a triumph and that’s what I decided to do. It seemed to me the only way to live.”


He quickly discovered psychiatry was not for him. In an interview in the Washington Post in 1984, he stated, “Everything I’ve gotten good at I quit the next day to go on to do something else.” He went on to have a brilliant career in journalism and politics, writing about them, being a critique when necessary but always forging ahead. When in medical school, majoring in the field of psychiatry, he was required to attend several weeks of psychoanalytic, personal assessment. He refused to go because he did not believe in the procedure and did not think he needed it. His professor told him, due to his accident and condition, he was in denial. Charles replied, denial was a form of coping and was working out well for him. He only went to a few of the required sessions.


I love that about this man. Personally, I love and use denial as a form of therapy. If I had to face the harsh realities of the four diseases I live with daily, the storm that is raging in my body, I would be mentally paralyzed. If I let myself worry about the consequences of metastatic breast cancer, if I stayed awake nights worrying about the choking complications and eye destruction of Sjogren’s syndrome, if I became disheartened over the joint destruction of relapsing polychondritis, what kind of a life would that be? Certainly not any kind of life I want to live.


As an RN and a writer, I have communicated with thousands of individuals over the years who suffer. They suffer loss of bodily function, the ability to do their former work and often their marriages and friends. Millions of folks in America alone suffer from debilitating diseases and disabilities. Crippling, chronic pain can cause such confusion, derangement of thinking, loss of social life and depression, that alone can be enough. Now many of us are constantly faced with ignorant, heartless physicians, other doctors who have been put into a pinch because of the illegal use of opioids and we are being denied help. Whether they take the form of disease or accidents of fate, adjustments are thrust upon millions as they were and continue to be thrust onto me.


When we realize our bodily engine and outward form which moves us from place to place has been altered, life stops. It stops. One’s mind is a whir of confusion, anger, doubt and question upon question. When we realize it is forever, it makes inconsequential all those people who approach you or reproach you by saying, “Are you feeling better yet?”


I am always tempted to say, “No, and I never will be.” I know this is a statement most people cannot understand and unless they are a person who is meaningful in my life, I usually offer some polite, positive reply like, “A bit, thanks for asking.” Eventually, we realize choice is ours. The choice to be as happy as possible. The choice to seek the best medical care possible. The choice to surround ourselves with beauty of every form we can find. The choice not to be bitchy. The compromise becomes less bitter and if we can reach a place where questions of the circumstances we’re in no longer matter, we can look forward to each new day. I am free when I realize my choice in life are in my hands and in my hands alone. The opinions of others don’t matter because I try not to let them. I don’t judge them and hope they don’t judge me. Ignorance is rampant in the world and one cannot escape exposure to it whether it is from a relative, an acquaintance or a physician. It’s sort of like the flu. Every once in a while, you catch it.


I’m a person of faith and believe in a loving God. I don’t blame him for the state I’m in because I trust His plan for my life. This kind of belief allows events in my life to occur that I like to call “God moments.” They are gentle whispers of reassurance that He cares for me and watches over me as He watches over a single sparrow hopping on the branch of a bush. Last week my husband and I decided to take a trip out to our new Walmart. We are a small county and have not had a Walmart previously, although in other areas where we have lived we always liked them. I knew it would be difficult for me, but I, long ago decided, one can’t sit at home all the time. I took a pain pill, half of a muscle relaxant, grabbed my purse and my cane and we were off.


My eldest granddaughter is a camp counselor in Texas for the summer and I wanted to send her some “goodies” to eat and enjoy. It’s always fun to get a box in the mail when you’re away from home. I decided on baking brownies and seldom make them from “scratch” any longer. I had two boxes of my favorite brand, Ghirardelli in the cupboard. When I made out a short shopping list I added another box of them to my list, to replace those. Well, the new supermarket combination everything you can imagine store was huge. It was interesting but much walking was required. I told my husband I was tiring and my legs, ankles and hips were all beginning to throb and I needed to go. He told me to go to the car and he’d check out our items. I decided to stay with him because although exhausted, I wasn’t sure I could find our car in the immense,new, fully packed parking lot in which the rows had not yet been numbered. As we were standing in line, I said, “Oh dear, I didn’t get any new brownie mix. I’m afraid one of mine at home might be outdated. Oh well, I’m hurting much too much to look for one now, so it will have to be fine.”


As you know, in all markets, folks often dump an item or two as they get up to the check stand because they change their minds or their children have placed an item in the cart the mom doesn’t want. As we progressed toward the checker, and it became our turn to check out, I looked to my right, and there, on the counter next to the magazines was a box of Betty Crocker brownie mix. I picked it up, with a smile said to myself, “Thank you Lord,” and put it into our cart.


That night after resting a few hours I went down to mix up the Ghirardelli brownies I had in the cupboard, yes, both boxes. I wanted to get them in the mail to arrive before the weekend so they would be fresh and load up my grandchild and whoever she shared them with. Two full pans went into the oven, I didn’t think to set the timer and went upstairs to lie down. I laid down on my heating pad, turned on my laptop and got busy. A half-hour after they were supposed to come out of the oven I glanced at the clock in our bedroom by our TV. I let out an expletive, indeed I did, and got downstairs as fast as I could, which isn’t speedy. All I could smell in the air was delicious chocolate, perhaps a bit overdone. There they were as I pulled them out of the oven. Two pans of my beautiful Ghirardelli brownies looking lovely but a bit dark, refusing the insertion of a knife except for the middle of each pan which, by morning were bricks of a chocolate persuasion. I almost broke the kitchen window the next morning getting them out of the pan and finally settled for the soaking method. Sitting on the counter before me was one item I had not put into the cupboard after shopping and it was a nice new box of Betty Crocker brownie mix. Another moment with that tiny tap on the shoulder which reassures me life is good, someone is watching over me in even the smallest ways and most especially in the large ones.


I know many of you, as well as I have had those moments when we are thinking of a friend, and the phone rings and it is that person. Life is full of these tiny mysteries and if we tune into them they turn into blessings as we travel along this trail we’re on, called life. My friends, don’t dwell on your miseries and misfortunes but instead, live each day to the fullest and many blessings will be yours. Mysterious moments will become habitual and life will be fuller and more joyful. Look for them.




35 thoughts on “De-Nial Is My Favorite River

  1. Sue
    I always love your bio on people. With this man, I didn’t know anything about him. I had no idea he was paralyzed. What a wonderful life he made for himself.
    Your personal stories touch me as well. You and I share our “God” s a lot. But I absolutely 7nderstand how He takes care of us, helps us, and provides for us. I love old gospel songs. There is a singer/songwriter, who is no longer with us. But I adore her songs as they were written from her heart and experiences. Her name is Dottie Rambo. You should look her up and read about her. I sing a lot of her songs. One I recently rediscovered is a song called The Unseen Hand. Just a bit of it to go with your story.
    “There is an Unseen hand in me. That leads in ways, I cannot see. It guides me through this world of woe. This Hand still leads me as I go. “. It is wonderful how that Hand will guide us if we let it.
    Love you

    • Tonie, thank you once again for posting for me as I would be lost without your kind help.I adore writing but the posting and computers? Not so much. I will look up the singer and songwriter you mentioned tomorrow. I am pleased you got to know Charles. I didn’t know he was in a wheelchair for several years. He wanted the public to just see him for who he was, inside and intellectually. It’s sad because we really need level headed, wise men like him in political comment in this country right now.
      I hope Sweetie is getting ready for a safe birth, very soon. Tell her to stop waiting for B to come home.
      I’ve had a busy weekend and have been on the heating pad on high and applying everything I can find. Looks like sleep and looking forward to tomorrow is the answer right now. After a busy day, don’t you often feel as if you’re a Lego doll and some of your parts are missing?
      We’re supposed to have a light showery rain in the AM and the yard guy is coming so, we will see how that goes. Morning glories are climbing everywhere, our small bit of lawn is tall and we need to move a huge fern to make room for the new lamp post. I would hate to lose it although it just appeared, thanks to Oregon rain, but is so large and so gorgeous. New day, new projects.
      P.S. I also loaded my GD’s box sith fat putty and bags of candy. Hope she enjoys.
      Much love, Sue

  2. Sue wrote: My friends, don’t dwell on your miseries and misfortunes but instead, live each day to the fullest and many blessings will be yours. Mysterious moments will become habitual and life will be fuller and more joyful. Look for them.

    Phyl: One of my most mysterious moments–and certainly my most blessed–was meeting you, my precious friend!

    Much love, many gentle hugs, and a great big “thank you” for always whispering your sage advice to me. Don’t know what I would do without you…

    • Phyl, I find this a strange situation in so many ways. It is so frustrating for me to have wonderful individuals, like you, who know me so well through my writings while at the same time I have little opportunity to get to know them. Hearing from you and watching your few posts on FB always cause me to wish I knew more about you.

      I have those mysterious moments frequently and should taking them in stride but I am always surprised. I guess I shouldn’t be. For instance, my niece in CA has asked me for some old photos to post on a family site she has set up. It’s been about a year because I am too lazy to take pictures off the wall and open their frames to copy them. Last week I was determined to finally get it done for her and made extras for other family members. My niece is not someone I speak to that often in recent years. As I was sitting on the bed, pics spread out before me while I searched for a large folder to ship them to her, the phone rang and it was her. That is a bit chilling, interesting and another tap on the shoulder. She was calling to tell me about my sister, Billie, her Mom, and how much her health has deteriorated. I am now the oldest relative who can communicate with all the younger family members. Strange feeling since I have always been the baby sister in the family. Oh life, just keep rolling on and over us. Sweet friend, love you much, Sue

  3. Sue, I have always liked and admired Charles Krauthammer, he will be missed. His was a voice of reason when it was needed.

    Thanks so much for this blog. Love Janet

    • Janet, I admired him for years but also thought he was an amazing example for many of us who have been disabled for years and years. He had such a love of life, if he ever got caught in self-pity’s pit, he didn’t let it show. He was so bright and had a such a kind, quiet demeanor. Hope you’re maintaining as well as possible, Love, Sue

  4. Sorry folks no time got probs with comps and updates with Apple
    Been all my time trying to fix it
    But got a fella coming out today
    So hopefully be back later
    All things are unstable with it and iPhone the worst
    So fed up with stuff going wrong
    Out this morning to museum and photo artefacts then inr for Dh then the comp man
    Haven’t read blog yet .love the name..

    • Oh Chris, I am sorry you have yet another item out of whack. It is frustrating I know and tiring, using up your energy and time. Hope you enjoyed getting out to the museum, hope DH’s INR is within limits and pray that by now all is right with your computer. Much love, Sue

  5. Nope he couldn’t fix it
    Back Friday to wipe all to factory sett8ngs ugh…on the desk top
    Spoke to apple they will ring when he’s here to sor5 out it could all be a hardware problem too
    Exhausted with all the sorting anxious as well as it’s getting worse and if I eve4 need to go to hosp again I need to text to be in touch with dh he can’t do phones with his being deaf
    Inr Okay
    Didn’t go to museum he wasn’t well on these increase of meds to do all there
    Diver not to clever
    Have read blog
    What a lovely man
    Going to sleep now …try!
    Back with more tomorrow

  6. Hello all
    Chris, poor girl. Hopefully they can get your Apples back in gear. I need to order a new battery for my iPhone. It is 5 years old, and I have to charge it everyday now. Found one on Amazon reasonable, but had to order a charger for my Roomba vacuum first. Went to use it today and the cord was broken, and of course, near the end where I can’t fix it.
    Today had a mammogram, bone density, and ankles x-rayed. Should be glowing tonight. Tired and achy today. Trying to rest this afternoon. Busy day again tomorrow. Then home to bake cupcakes for my niece’s baby shower on Friday evening. This week has been everyday, all day. Raining again. Garden is looking good though. Got my first cucumber yesterday. Tomatoes getting ripe. That’s what I am excited for.
    Well, hope all is well with everyone.

  7. Hi
    It’s brief again tonite
    Went to coast
    Back late
    Busy again tomorrow with stuff
    Men coming to takenpots off decking so it be cleaned and oiled
    Find out Friday about the Apple stuff hope the updates haven’t affected the hardware
    Apparently it’s the iPhone 7 Plus that’s got the worst of it
    You’ve ha da busy day Tonie
    Tired now so hope I sleep
    Oh yes very hot here gonna be for next 2 weeks I says

    • Chris, Cool here with bright sun, may have reached about 65 degrees. Sorry you’re hot and oh so sorry about all the trouble you’re having with your tech stuff. We got new Jitterbug flip phones…that’s about our speed but at least I’ll be able to post pics now. Need to sit down with the manual and figure it out. I know it’s fun to get things cleaned up. Guy here laying cement for our new outdoor lamp. Had gardener out a few days ago to trim everything. Hedges, trees, etc. He moved a huge fern I had to make way for the new post. Looking forward to it. Feeling lots of pain lately but rub on’s oils, creams some help. Love, Sue

  8. Chris
    It is supposed to be hot like that here next week, 90’s. AND rain, so it will be a steam bath ! ANd I will be in a constant sweat ! I have an iPhone 5S. It is 8 pm and I have just only stopped. This weekend is going to be resting only. I make little yellow cake cupcakes with blue icing for the shower tomorrow night. Stuck little rocking horses (of course) in the tops. I will be so glad when this is over.
    Please ya’all pray for my sister in law. She is having a hysterectomy tomorrow. THey found a mass on Wednesday and operating tomorrow. SHe is also 75 years old. So this could be rough on her. SHe is like my big other sister. Has been around since I was 5.
    Hope you are all doing well. Me I am tired, so now to get my shot, my pills and …… cream. Then I will be ready for sleep.

  9. Tonie, Since we chatted on FB I have put you off until last tonight. I know you understand. Full day here with electrician putting in cement base, etc. for new lamp post. Going to be so pretty out there as well as making our steps safer not only for the dark but because my eyes are getting so bad. He’ll finish in a few days after cement dries. George didn’t get his barking time out front today…too much loose dirt in a pile for him to investigate.

    My dear, I am in prayer for your sweet sis in law and know how much your family is also. Many times these growths in the uterus are benign. It’s excellent that they are getting onto removing it so quickly. I hope she is a strong woman physically and of strong spirit and a big dose of stubborness. Hugs to you my good friend and to your sis, Judy as well.I know how very concerned you and your whole family are right now.

    Today I discovered the convenience and joys of ordering my groceries online. Oh, I think I will like this. My DD has been doing it at our Kroeger’s but I ordered from our new Walmart. How wonderful, and carefree to sit on my heating pad and shop for the mundane items in life. I kept thinking of things to add to my list. J will pick them up in the AM. DD said she spends a lot less this way.

    Balmy, sunny day today, almost 70 and tomorrow rain, but a sunny weekend. I bought the rub on oil the other day that has CBD and THC to rub on painful areas. Very helpful but a bit expensive. I do hate going into those pot shops but one does what one must when you live with the kind of pain we all do. The doctor said only a tiny amount is absorbed systemically, so I won’t get high. Ten dollars in taxes on any THC products…ridiculous. Well, it’s late here, so must close but know I am with you and your family in prayer tomorrow and ask for God’s will to be done. Love you much, Sue

  10. Tonie
    Hope the op went ok for your sil
    And that her news is reassuring and prayers for her
    Yes it’s hot here and gives it getting hotter to the 90s at weekend
    Hope all the pills and potions helped and the ice cream too!
    Well I’ve had a sh.t of a day
    The tech guys car broke down and he couldn’t get here for apples phone call
    So I had to do it
    Three hrs on the phone with the them..plugging the Apple phone onto the desk top ,do this do that.then fiddling with the phone,but no go in the end,made an appt to take it to a Apple shop an hrs drive away to look at it
    Not good for us with how as dh is at moment
    Anyway after it all my mind was in a whirl
    The tech guy we have turns up,after and sets it working
    So why co7ldnt blimmin Apple do it,,them and their blimmin updates
    Right rant over ..but it costs getting people out to fix their own problems they create ….it’s ok saying go to wherever but sometimes you just can’t
    And there’s more
    Dh aid mold has to be done again it’s not long enough into ear and it whistles and glonks
    Spent a time trying to get appt this morning and it was a waste of times gotta go back
    So ok that’s it my Mind is still in a whirl from it
    There must be so many people with pain going to the pot shops sue
    Well nowt more to say my mind is stuck and going to try and feel peaceful….but I got a working phone…so far so Good!

  11. Morning all
    Shirley’s op has to be stopped due to her hemorrhaging. Bad, it is cancer. She is in ICU right now. She has never been in hospital except childbirth and is the rock of the family. My sister went down today with her granddaughter. I am so exhausted, was going to wait until Monday. Judy will call me and let me know if my brother and I need to go down today. So sad, pray for us all please.
    Chris, glad you got things going. On the phone tech drives me mad !
    Sue, glad you like the online shopping. It will be a great help to you I know. I need to go out and mow this morning while it is not blazing hot. Talk to you all later

  12. Hi
    I’m staining the decking and did it last evening in the cool and then dark with light on
    It’s 90 here
    But have to touch up and the sides today
    Dh helps but can’t bend as he will fall over with his illness
    So I’m aching and eyes nose and chest playing up with the smell
    So I won’t be on here for a few days as got a lot on as well
    Trying to do it without splitting the days up so I get rid of it without getting better and starting over again
    I won’t get anyone to do it as my history with stuff being done is sh.t
    So I’m stubborn……
    Also no one would come when it’s dry for some time you’d have to fit in with them
    So in a complete mess stuff plants all over place
    But this is small fry compared to Tonie’s friend and not worth mentioning
    My prayers for her

  13. My Dear friends, please remember Tonie in your prayers today. Her sister-in-law, Shirley passed away yesterday. It has all happened very rapidly since she had surgery and they found cancer throughout her system. Tonie is, of course, heartbroken as she, Judy her sister and their brother head down to be with the family in another state. It all happened so quickly the family has not had time to absorb this tragic death. Thank you all. I knew you would want to know what our dear Tonie is going through right now. Fondly, Sue

  14. Such sad sad news
    It did all happen so quickly
    She must have been ill awhile tho
    Prayers yes
    I just popped in to check all we’ve been busy and lots to do
    Be done it all by weekend I hope
    Poor tonie and Judy lost a close friend recently too

  15. Hello, all, and Happy 4th of July to those in the US. The 4th finds many of us in the midst of a heat wave, nice and humid, too. Tonie, I’ve already been in touch on FB, still so sorry for your loss. Chris, take care and take your time with your staining! I know how those fumes are, not to mention how hard it is on your body. Sue, it is strange indeed to feel yourself rising in the ranks of “elders” in the family much less finding yourself at or near the top. DH and I just had a wonderful vacation and are back to reality and all it entails. Unfortunately, with one added concern. Someone very dear to me called after our return to let me know she had just had a full hysterectomy – all parts removed. They found tumors in her ovary and uterus. Pathology wasn’t back yet, but it is likely she may have chemo in her future. So many illnesses and passings due to cancer. (We’ve had a few passings of peers and acquaintances lately as well). I would appreciate any thoughts, prayers, positive wishes for my dear friend you might be willing to offer. Blessings to one and all!

    • Lyn dear, please reassure your friend today’s oncology research is the finest it has ever been and there is much cause for hope. I pray she has the best medical care she can find and is valued and comforted in all matters by her doctors and nurses. It is overwhelming for awhile, but climbing this hill one day at a time, the journey is filled with hope. I know.
      I hope you and your family are having good eats and a grateful Fourth, Love, Sue

  16. “De-Nial Is My Favorite River” …As usual a very enlightening post that reached me on many levels. The last paragraph said it all.
    As always I feel better after reading your posts. You are my idol.

    • Marilyn, Nice to hear from a reader and such kind words. I am sorry you have the need to feel better that often but do completely understand. I love hearing from you because I often get the feeling I am tearing into my own heart, laying it out for all to see and wonder, just wonder, how it is being received. Thank you and I pray for you and wish I knew your circumstances better and could be of some help. Thinking of you, Sue

  17. Chris dear, Always something going on for you. DId you have a chance with strength and weather to get your deck stained? What a big and very stressful…muscle wise…job. Are you doing it on a bench or on your knees? You know we have done it with a paint roller on a long extension stick. So much easier that way. I love paint rollers of all sizes, don’t you? I hope your plants will be back where you want them very soon for your sake but they will drink in the sun and water wherever they are. Do you have problems with weeds? My beautiful flowering plants all over my porch have this obnoxious, invasive little weed that hides until it is hanging over the edge of a pot. I also love the plant coasters on wheels. Makes it so much easier to turn them, etc. Our beautiful new lamp is up but first night, last night kept going off and on every minute so electrician coming back tomorrow. Yesterday our phones stopped working here in the house, so got that straightened out today.

    You know today is our FOurth of July when we were that nasty colony who decided to go our own way much to King George’s chagrin. Firecrackers and many much louder fireworks going off in a big empty field across the street. Have little Georgie here on the bed. He’s taking it pretty well and calms right down but there will be a bigger fireworks show down by the river and we’ll get the echo of the boom up here on the hill. They wait until it gets dark and that isn’t until 10 PM this time of year. By the way, have you ever seen that wonderful AMerican musical 1776? I’m watching a DVD of mine right now and the music is fabulous and it does tell our tale of independence. It was a huge Broadway play/musical for many years.

    Chris, how goes the battle with your DH’s ears and aides? Is his B/P staying where it should? I do worry about you with those fumes from the stain but know you know how to handle it…love those eye drops. Love, Sue

    • Still doing the decking.its gonna take ages can only do an hour at about 7 it’s too hot in the day .we have a long pole with a pad to do top but it’s the gaps that are a menace
      We have a stool.but when it comes to doing the sides well gonna have to think there .yep we have a low order oil but it’s smelly still
      Hope the on/ off got sorted on the lamp,it’s disappointing when it goes was praps jyst the sensitivity
      It’s something you’ve wanted for a long time.i bet it looks lovely
      Nope haven’t seen that musical.
      Hope you had a lovely day..did you spend it with your family I expect it was sad for your sil the first without his brother
      It sounds a bit like our November 1st.we have fireworks and bonfires ..but different reason.still government tho
      Dh still having trouble with the ear mould and Bp too
      Hope your troubles are better
      I’m still on soft food but can’t eat much so I’ve lost 14 pounds so I’m ok with that
      Still have the runs off an on some pain on left and on right too,but I think it’s improving

  18. Hello my friends
    THank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Diffilcult time , but happy that she is where she will always be happy ! It is just hard to let go, especially when it is so sudden.
    Need more prayers. THis time for me. Back in the am for a follow up on my mammogram. THey saw something in my left breast. So another squeezing in the am, with an ultra sound to follow. Dense tissue so it may be a shadow, sure hope so.
    Good news, in a sense. B has his ticket to come home. BUT….not until August 22. July tickets were so so expensive. So, we get what we get. He has in for one for sooner if it comes available. He uses a ticket agent I think. But, it will pass quickly, I hope. Maybe his card will arrive before then and he will not have the stress of using his paperwork to gain access. Prayers for that as well.
    Very very hot here, and I am worn out from being in it this evening. Hopefully we get rain tonight or tomorrow. We need it and we need the cooler temps back. These are beach temps. Or desert. 110′ yesterday !
    DO take care all.

    • Tonie last time you had a mammogram you had to have it done again for dense tissue and it was ok.its probably just the same , prayers it is
      The time will go it’s july now …
      We have temps of 90 at moment been that for a week and two more to come but 110 yuk
      We had that in oz it’s no good

  19. Chris
    That is exactly what it was. But it is so painful when they mash me all flat like that. THe fibro makes my breasts hurt like when I was pregnant. Very touchy they are. But so thankful there was nothing there.
    ANother hot hot day with a “little” relief from a sprinkle of rain here. Lots where I was, but just a dust settler here. I went to plant some blueberry bushes I bought and had to water the ground to get it dug up. Hopefully we will get more rain.
    Thanks for your prayers

    • Tonie, Jim and I went down by the river today with George, found a nice shady spot with a bench and let George go nuts over every bike that went by. He really hates bikes. I was telling Jim about your soil problems. I hope you are not having one of those miserably hot days today.
      We are probably in the mid seventies. I’m preparing to go out and try to save much of my ground cover the electrician piled dirt on. Men. He could have chosen another spot when he had to dig a hole, I mean, really. Think I’ll just spray it with the hose and hope that moved the piles of dirt. That will be me, maybe George and a hose standing up against the wind out there. Hope it works. We went across the river last night to have dinner with my great nephew and his sweet gal. They are the young couple who had the newborn with all the problems about six weeks ago. Both their toddler and the new babe are doing very well. The newby weigh 12 lbs now at 2 months and is a healthy chunk and adorable. Thanks again for posting the new blog. I don’t know what I would do without your knowledge of computers. I’m just the word lady. Love, Sue

  20. Good news Tonie
    Hot here too but no rain for some time and none forecast.they are talking hose bans .hope not with all my pots….
    Good no rain while we do the deck..but the ground needs it.
    Deck is starting to look better.but still got about five days work at just two hrs at night….too hot in the day
    Then we can get help to have the pots back .the side bits I can take my time with ..
    Right gonna ge5 sorted for bed
    But that’s good news.. just fm to come now….

    • Chris, sounds like the deck is getting done. What a chore. I know, I’ve done that. Are you rolling it or paint brushing it? I am so sorry to hear you have also had that awful heat. I heard from a friend in S. Calif. two days ago and it was 115 F degrees. I grew up down there and to us a hot day was 100. Awful. Hope to see you over on the new blog. Love you much, Sue

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