THE BLACK DOG OF COURAGE

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Winston Churchill often referred to the black dog being upon him, meaning his times of deep depression. He was not the first to use that particular metaphor, as it has been used by other historic figures before him. I feel a certain need to apologize for the usage of the word black. We are and have been for some time, in the habit of using it to describe evil, ill deeds, bad guys and even the ruthless guys in western movies who almost always wore the black hat. We say black cats are unlucky but should know in this enlightened age that all of that is not true; at least I’m told we are enlightened, but that is somewhat in doubt and a subject for another blog.

 

I believe any of us who live with chronic pain and/or illness know very well what it is to live with a certain amount of depression at least from time to time. This sort of life is not a skip through a field of daisies and most of us couldn’t skip if we tried. No, I think it is entirely normal to express our frustration, pain and angst by having the blues. There, I used another color. Personally, I think screaming lime green would be a far more accurate description of this particular feeling. It would have to be bright, neon green, hurting the eyes and playing with the senses. This particular sensory emotion is best recognized, endured and petted but not for too long. We don’t want to spoil our depression and make it feel too welcome.

 

I think we are far better served by talking about a large, glossy, healthy and very muscular black dog and that is the one who exudes strength; the strength of the black dog of courage. One has to have a great deal of that particular virtue to deal with pain every day upon wakening and retiring. Pain of this kind is with us all the time. It never goes on a vacation except when we have mastered sleep which is in itself a bit of a challenge. Pain that is this constant goes from bad to worse and is seldom better. That is why it is so frustrating when those who do not understand, you know, those folks out there frolicking in the daisy field, say irritating, inane things to us. They say, “Oh you must be better by now.”
Must I? Little they know about it. They just want me to be better so we can talk about them for a while or better still, I won’t talk about myself. This whole conversation with those daisy stompers can get worse if they venture into the whole area of, “Well dear, you must stop thinking so negatively. Just forget about it for a while and come out to lunch with me.”

 

The chances are I am probably still lying in bed at 11 am and still in my nightie. I have been trying to summon the courage to try out the body to get into the bathroom to wash my face and to brush my teeth. Going out to lunch would involve a whole list of items I am loathe to do such as putting on deodorant, changing into presentable clothing, doing something with my hair and attempting to put on my happy face. I would then have to get into the car, drive to our meeting place, sit on a hard or semi-hard surface while looking pleasant or at least trying to. I would have to choose some food on the menu which I believe would not keep me up all night or have me hugging my heating pad all night like some lover who is a super hero. Oh no, that all sounds like too much trouble and I can only think of a small hand full of folks I would cross that moat to please.

 

Many of us have a disease that will get worse but that is still not the point. We are all, every human being alive, playing for time. It is simply that many humans just don’t think about it or know that’s what they are doing. We seek that time by being as active as possible and not giving up. We seek that time by searching for the best doctors who deal with our disease. We achieve those extra years by keeping close watch on the black dog of courage and keeping him by our side.

 

Yes, I know this all sounds so morose and because I usually feel this way I am always surprised by friends or family who comment on my cheerful, upbeat personality. Me, cheerful and upbeat? What a shocker. It always causes me to remember how far I have journeyed in my battle to overcome. My body may be a wreck but that doesn’t mean all of me has to be. Where is that lovely, big, strong and life-giving black dog of courage? He is right here beside me. No, not George, my little Yorkie, although he does truly believe himself to be all that. There is a spirit I have discovered in my very soul, in my faith in a higher power and in my belief in life which gives me the courage I need. I was brought up to believe there is a power in this world and the next who loves me and is on my side, no matter what life brings to me. Keeping that faith alive in difficult days is often a huge challenge.

 

The black dog of courage is not to be found in some miraculous way. No, it lies in the dark corners of my life, bringing light to them and therefore to me. It lies in the little things like accomplishing a small chore such as washing and folding towels which makes me feel like I just accomplished something far more dazzling. It lies in that sense of accomplishment that comes from being useful. Seeing a job of any size well done, or at least done, accomplished and knowing I did it with my little, old, bent sick body. Hearing a small child react after an accomplishment and say, “I did it all by myself,” is a joyous, warm feeling and it is usually written all over their small faces. We never lose that need to achieve, however small or however large the task, chore or project. That feeling of “I did it” can apply to many actions. We don’t have to be famous artists, employee of the year or the greatest of anything except to ourselves and to our own souls.

 

The black dog of courage lies in going about the task anyway, no matter the circumstances. Of course, all of us with disabilities have our limits but we also have a long list of that which we can do. Mourning over what we cannot do may last for a day or much longer but there is a time when we must say, “But I can do this and this.” If you can make that “this” a mix of chores, duties and creativity you have the perfect blend to enrich the soul. That way you and I don’t have to live with complete compromise in our homes and our hearts. Regret can sting like depression; I suppose they are cousins because they can have the same effect on our lives and have to be recognized yet kept in their place behind lock and key at times.

 

The black dog of courage lives in your soul; it does not live in your body. Getting hammered by the throb, ache, sting and boing of pain is a difficult situation to endure but you can and so can I. We can take the meds we need to a certain extent, because help is available but that help is always a two-edged sword. There are always side effects with any drug from aspirin to the opioids. Never believe a doctor who tells you a medication has no side effects. It simply is not true. The other fact to embrace is that each of us reacts differently to every medication, treatment and therapy. We are individuals and that is the beauty of life, or at least one of its beauties. Your life and mine has many rivers to cross as we discover there are many ways to approach illness and change in our life that is brought on by these mortal bodies of ours. Just remember the body is not the boss; the black dog of courage is.

 

244 thoughts on “THE BLACK DOG OF COURAGE”

    • Janet, I pray you are feeling as well as you can. All of us have been having such strange weather. I am assuming it is causing your body to be in a lot of pain as the rest of us seem to be. I think it is interesting that a lot of us on the blog have so many of the same health problems. I will be praying for you dear. I think we all need to try and think about our black dog of courage helping us hang in there! Hope you have a Blessed day! Donna

      Reply

  2. Sue, really enjoyed the new blog! I have been thinking about a lot of what you wrote. It was such a blessing to me. I wrote a long post and tried to post it then lost it. I did this last weekend and it looked like I lost it. A day later it was on there. So instead of trying to rewrite it right now, I am going to wait a while and see if it shows up too! I have been reading the blog and praying for each of you. I haven’t written because I have had a horrible. RA flare up with my neck and hands and fingers. I almost cried when my comments didn’t show up. So I will wait and see and if it doesn’t I will try and remember all I wrote and try again. Love you to a very special person, Donna

    Reply

    • Donna, how can we not be a bit or a great deal depressed when we are in constant pain. I think it takes courage and doesn’t hurt at all to know it is a mutual problems for so many of us. We’re only human,right? Sorry you lost an entry. Occasionally, those of us who have FB just hit enter when we forget to log on down as this is a bit of a different format. I’m not saying you did that but I know I have from time to time.
      I am sorry you’re having so much pain right now. I think the cold weather does have a lot to do with it. Do all you can and know you are not alone. Love, Sue

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  3. Sue
    Just read this and getting ready to go,out this morning..oh how true. And it makes me angry when you have to get out of these plans these daisy stomping people make you feel,you have to make. Constantly making excuses for yourself and feeling so guilty .when they know nothing of any sort of ill health and think it must a personality problem you have …..well I could soon have one!
    Great blog sue I’m sure my dog is there somewhere and comes out on occasions
    Hope all goes well for trip tomorrow and Jim ok from the last one
    Gotta get going Chris

    Reply

    • Chris, I think each of have both dogs, courage and depression living with us. I hope things are going better at home as you face all the challenges there. Jim went all the way to Portland in the ice storm and the office he had to visit was closed due to the storm. Amazing to both of us how skipping the news that evening before and then seeing such a difference just two hours away. Will call before we go up tomorrow and see what’s up. Supposed to rain but may be freezing rain so the AM will tell. Do be good to you dear girl. Love, Sue

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      • Oh Sue ! Poor Jim ! I bet he was fit to be tied ! I was praying for his trip this morning that he would have a good one and get things finished. Do be careful tomorrow !
        Love
        Tonie

  4. HELLO…THIS IS A POST THAT INTERESTS ME MORE THAN THE OTHERS, AS THE BLACK DOG IS FREQUENTLY UPON ME…..RIGHT NOW IN FACT……THE OVERHANG OF CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR CLINGING LIKE A SECOND SKIN, AND I KNOW WHY…..ITS BEEN A YEAR SINCE I HAVE SEEN MY SON, AND NEARLY TWO SINCE SEEING MY FIRST BORN…ITS GETTING TO ME….ALSO GETTING AWFUL PANIC ATTACKS IN THE NIGHT….OH DEAR IT ALL SOUNDS GLOOM AND DOOM, BUT SOON IT WILL BE SPRING, AND I HAVE TO FOCUS ON THAT, OR I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO FIGHT THIS “BLACK HOLE” SYNDROME.ITS ONLY SINCE BECOMING A “BLOGGER” THAT I HAVE BEEN ABLE ADMIT TO DEPRESSION….THANKS GUYS…I MEAN THAT IN A GOOD WAY.
    SUE….YOU KNOW I WILL BE THINKING OF YOU TOMORROW.
    CHRIS…GET THAT TUNA PASTA ON THE GO, AND TAKE CARE IN THE COLD LOVE.
    TONIE….HOW IS THE BABY?
    JANET….PRAYING FOR YOU.
    DONNA…YOU TOO SWEETHEART.
    STILL GOT DIGESTIVE PROBLEMS GOING ON, TRYING TO SELF MEDICATE……FOR AWHILE

    LOVE TO YOU ALL………………JENNIE X

    Reply

    • Jennie, as if the pain every day wasn’t bad enough, our interpersonal relationships do have such a bearing on our depression and health. Would it help to tell the kids you need to see them? I often feel that way about my kids and grands and know that feeling. I have gone for a year without seeing my son and it is such a sad, foreign feeling. I know you also have the burden of worrying about your son’s health right now.
      Hope you are finding some answers for your gut right now. It sucks, I know. Every day I face that monster. Hang on my dear and don’t wait for spring to feel better, okay? Love, Sue

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  5. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have the beautiful skill of putting into words the way many of us feel. I’m sorry to say that it makes me feel better knowing that I’m not in the “boat” alone! Sending sunshine for your dark days. Linda B

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  6. Oh so timely yet again Sue. I have had a particularly painful past week or two and last night was at least 300 hours long as my pain meds weren’t effective. I did get the dog of courage going and went to my water therapy. It wasn’t easy United’s help loosen some muscles and joints. I went had had my nails done as well (mine are fake as the nails are like tissue paper from the MTX) it was over due but couldn’t bear to have anyone touching my hands. I didn’t take my less than courageous service dog with me as she has been alerting fairly non-stop and it gets annoying lol. I know I’m not ok, go lay down. Poor Remi. She ended up in my lap thinking that I hadn’t noticed her signal. That’s a big lap dog lol.
    Really great news from the cardiologist, no areas of ischemia, no muscle movement issues, good ejection fraction (61%) . My holter monitor was decent as well, no more than 3-5 beats at a time of svt and they were infrequent as well. Will see him in a year to maintain active patient status. Still no change on rheumatologist issues. I see my primary provider next week and I’m going to request a referral to an orthopedist. They also deal with spondylarthropathies and psa/ra so maybe I can get my treatment back on track. Time will tell.

    Reply

    • Laura, I assume you’ve already gone through physically or mentally the checklist of rheumies in your area and that’s why you are mentioning an orthopod? I am sorry to hear about your current pain but not surprised and know you are not either. How could you not be depressed with all you are going through? It’s okay to react. I sometimes think it is a reflex due to all we go through. Someone strikes you; you strike back and depression is a strike.
      It is a humorous mental pic and real one of Remi in your lap. Hope she didn’t hurt you. I know that would be the last thing she would want to do. Hang in there and let it fall into place…not your body, your life. Love, Sue

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  7. Laura
    Nails done always a good sign..remi sounds a delight.thats good about your cardi system
    Sue
    What a thing to happen for Jim..yea check it before you go and I hope all goes well and keep safe

    Well I went out today to do some banking for my dad .also Inr test for DH ,then while in Town I saw a scarf for sale one of those big blanket scarves for half price.so I was pleased ..then met DH for tea and sandwich..so Jen I didn’t get to having that tuna bake. But am tomorrow
    But anyway I’m set for the cold weather my new boots and big wide scarf…..oh and a better weight than last year…..my black dogs gone walkies!
    Well maybe back later if still awake
    Chris

    Reply

    • Chris, glad you got out today. Your new scarf sounds lovely. Please enjoy it but first tell us what color it is. Hope all is well with your Dad. Glad you were able to take your black dogs out for a walk as that is good for all dogs, good and metaphorical. Love, Sue

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    • Hi Chris, I need to go out tomorrow for my INR test. So glad you found a nice scarf at half price! I received 2 nice ones for Christmas. I also need to find some new boots. Some that will keep my feet warm. The cold is really bad on my feet and hands. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis so I really hurt in the winter. I also have neuropathy in my feet and hands. That is why I don’t write much on the blog a lot. My hands and fingers hurt so badly when in a flare up!
      It sounds like you had a nice outing today. Hope things are continually going well for your dad. Have a Blessed sleep. Love and hugs, Donna

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      • Hi Donna
        Yea I have to keep my hands and feet warm..I have neuropathy too …also cranial neuropathy which comes and goes
        Hope the Inr test result was ok.dH has to increase his a small amount .it never differs wildly as apart from drug change we try and keep,the diet the same .boring but necessary
        Gives cold weather here next week so my big …and I mean big…scarf will be good .its like a blimmin blanket !
        Chris

  8. Dear Sue:
    My Black dog has many faces. Sometimes he is my little Dachie Ceasar, making me laugh at his antics, giving me the joy when I am sad. Other times he is as big as my old rottwieller Ceasar, 150 lbs of big dog, sitting on my chest taking away all my will to get out and about, But he is most often, my Faith, that I can “do all things” thru the Man above. Good article, thought provoking.
    Hope you get up yonder okay tomorrow.
    Love
    Tonie

    Reply

    • Tonie, indeed those of us who are dog people do relate so closely with many four legged critters we have loved. They exude a love that is beyond understanding for us as they seem to understand everything. Hope you’re not freezing back there. Think of you in the wee hours of the morning chipping ice. How’s Baby doing?
      As far as tomorrow we will call or check weather first before leaving. May have to reschedule but we will see. Pray we do what is best and safest for me and for the trip. Love, Sue

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      • Tonie, that last sentence didn’t come out right. I meant for both of us on the trip, of course, actually all three of us counting George…but was wondering about what the waiting a week or so would do for my cancer. Later…Sue

      • Hello Sue”
        Baby is doing fine so far. And the last two days have been fairly warm, compared to the previous weeks. This morning I didn’t have to done the insulated coveralls, so it is good. I keep the chickens water in the house overnight so it won’t freeze, they don’t need it til morning anyway. Can’t see a chicken getting up in the night for a drink LOL !
        As for me, I have a cold. Felt it coming on yesterday, today I feel crappy. But I have a Dr apt to discuss the facet nerves being burnt. Hope it happens soon.
        Well more coffee then get ready to go, still in jammies. Would like to stay that way !! Hope you are recovering from your trip well
        Love
        Tonie

  9. Poor Remi has no clue that she is a big girl and the pom Brody thinks he’s a giant. Remi is amazingly gentle even when she lands in my lap in one leap. It’s like she knows where to place her paws and weight so as to not cause pain.
    Sue there is no rheumatologist options in at least several months. The office I’m trying to follow my rheumatologist to is not triaging but first come first serve. The records are being forwarded by least amount of pages first so the more complex the medical issues the longer the wait. It’s crazy. I admit depression is very real and worse for me this time of year due to holidays, (didn’t see family group as I couldn’t tolerate the trip) lack of sunlight, increased pain with weather changes and now of course because I see day by day the increase in systemic issues missing the biological. My voice is now going (vocal cords are part of a joint) and my ability to deep breath is impaired from the spondylosis and costocondritis. I however intend to do what I can to keep living not just existing.

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    • Laura, many of us have had vocal cord problems and for me a serious swallowing problem as well. I think it’s interesting how very much we have in common with all of these rheumatoid problems. Indeed, when you’ve been without your meds that have helped you depression almost invariably accompanies the pain. Hang in there until you can get some answers and remember you are not alone in your discomfort and misery. I hope you have a group of friends who also understand and are closer to you. Sue

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  10. Sue, I enjoyed reading earlier, but didn’t have time to comment. It’s not often I face the dark black dog – thankfully. I like to think the big black dog of courage is more prevalent. Perhaps, though, it is more the gray dog of perseverance or stubbornness. 😉 My furry friends have always been a comfort and a joy in whatever I may be going through for as long as I can remember. Like others experiencing the same cold weather, I’m not adjusting well and don’t enjoy it. I’m constantly cold unless bundled up. I blame the unusually warm fall and start of winter and sudden onset of “normal”. I know I could feel worse, so I’m not complaining. I do hope you can travel safely tomorrow and am so sorry Jim had to travel so far in such conditions only to find the office closed. Poor guy.
    It’s getting late and I must turn in. Thinking of everyone! Best always!

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    • Lyn, I like your gray dog and understand the duties of life loom large in your life and can also spur you on and with your family and busy schedule it is good…actually. Stubbornness often keeps self-pity at a distance and that is a good thing and can be a great help. I found a bit of pleasure tonight even though in pain just putting things back in place after Christmas was all put away. Jim was so good about helping to haul stuff to the basement and it felt good to get life in order again.
      I also hope we can face a safe trip tomorrow without ice. I do hate to put it off for another week. I try to co-ordinate my visits to other doctors and a delay would screw up my appt. next month with the rheumy. Oh my but these trips can get a bit complicated.
      I know the cold can be so hard on so many and hope you are able to bundle up comfortably. Amazing how many layers I often wear my husband is in jeans and a shirt. Remember he’s the famous no jacket guy. It is fascinating. I did check with him the other day if he had a jacket in the trunk. He did. I know he never had it on even in the snow and ice. Interesting. Do take care of yourself…heck, I know you will. Love you, Sue

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    • LYN…..OH BOY DO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, THAT SUDDEN CHANGE OF TEMPERATURE DOES US NO FAVOURS DOES IT? MY HANDS ARE LETTING ME KNOW WE HAVE REALLY COME IN TO WINTER NOW.
      I AGREE, OUR FURRY FRIENDS ARE A BLESSING WHEN WE ARE LOW, MINE MAKE ME LAUGH EVERY DAY, SUCH A TONIC……HOW IS IT THEY ARE SO WISE, AND KNOW WHEN WE NEED THEM THE MOST?
      LOOK AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HURTS MY FRIEND……..JENNIE X

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  11. Sue, I pray the weather is good and the cancer clinic is open. I know you want to get this over and back home. I pray for a safe trip there and back! I hope this is not too bad on you tomorrow. I think about you a lot and wish wish you didn’t have to go through any of this. I know God is with you and He will help you always. Love you my friend! Donna

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  12. I HOPE EVERYONE IS OK WITH NO SERIOUS WEATHER PROBLEM FACING YOU….WE ARE HAVING GALE FORCE WINDS RIGHT NOW, THEY ARE SEVERE AND WORRYING, AND MY DH IS SOMEWHERE OUT IN IT WITH SACHA…..I WON’T KNOW A MINUTE’S PEACE TILL THEY ARE SAFELY INDOORS. WATCHED THE “CHARLIE EBDO” DOCUMENTARY LAST NIGHT, I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH LIVE FOOTAGE IN MY LIFE, IT WAS HORRIFIC, IN PARIS BEFORE THE LAST ATTACK, THERE WAS THIS ONE, WITH PEOPLE CLINGING TO A ROOF TRYING NOT TO GET SHOT, AND POLICE BEING MOWED DOWN FROM GUNFIRE IN THE STREET……………..I KNOW I AM BRITISH, BUT THESE ARE ALSO MY FOLKS.
    SORRY TO RANT ON, BUT I FELT SHELL SHOCKED SEEING IT ALL ON VIDEO CAMERA, FILMED BY SOME OF THE VICTIMS.
    LOVE TO ALL…………………JENNIE XX

    Reply

  14. Sue, being a big dog lover (Love all dogs, but especially the giant breeds. Have had a German Shepherd, Golden, Great Pyrenees and currently one big lovable silly St. Bernard) So I could related to the “Black dog” imagery. But for the courage part I look at the Big Black Dog of a Newfoundland They are big, furry, lovable, and full of courage. They have to be in order to jump into those icy waters to rescues all those floundering souls!! I know this depression well and it stinks – the wonderful ‘screaming lime green’ you talked about. I’ll never look at that again in the same way! I try not to give in to that pain of depression or into the physical pain itself, but sometimes I must, which is its own curse! I appreciate your blog and this weeks for me, was exceptional. Now I know why I have always wanted a Newfoundland! She is my dog of courage!

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  15. Sue
    Hope all went ok and you managed to still fit in all appts and get back safe
    I forgot to answer you.. my scarf is a bluey grey and beige..sort of go with everything ..I wear a lot of grey and beige..it seems to be trendy here so im right on with it! Huh!
    Cold here at moment but gives it colder next week maybe snow they say
    Tonie how’s things ? Baby ok?
    Ok just done shopping maybe too cold next week to go
    Glad we got the shed drained down so it doesn’t freeze
    Started to dust upstairs ..hovered yesterday..have to do it in bits.
    Back later
    Chris

    Reply

    • Hey Chris, Had my INR done yesterday and it was low so have to take 2 pills on Thursday from now on. Will check it again in 2 weeks. I ran a few errands while I was out. Boy last night when I was eating supper, everything in my body hurt. I have not been out of the house since December 22nd. So the driving and lifting my walker in and out of my van multiple times did me in. I slept all day! Your scarf sounds beautiful. One of mine is beige and pink flowers with green leaves. The other one is Navy with gray and a rose color. Both keep me warm! Hope things are good for you! Love ya, Donna

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  16. Hi Mark, This blog article is one that I’d mentioned to Nancy that I’d send to her. Thought she’d find both comfort and empathy in some of archived blogs too. : ) Marcia

    Sent from my iPad

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  17. HELLO….NOBODY ON HERE, IS EVERYONE OK? I FEEL WORRIED ABOUT YOU ALL……DREADFUL GALES AND RAIN HERE, SURPRISED I AM STILL CONNECTED.
    SUE….HAVE YOU RECOVERED FROM THE JOURNEY AND THE SHOTS?
    CHRIS,,,IS YOUR DAD OK, HOW IS IT GOING WITH THE CARER? ALSO HOW IS YOUR TUMMY?
    TONIE…ANY NEWS ON BABY OR FROM YOUR GUY?

    LOVE TO EACH…………………JENNIE X

    Reply

    • Hi Jennie, hope the gale force winds have eased for you and you’re not too cold and wet. All of us have had strange winters. We have been normal enough but as close as Portland it has been awful and all of our friends in CA are flooding or getting far too much rain after droughts and fires. So unfair the way the weather bats us all around.
      Long trip to Portland day before yesterday. We left early because we didn’t know how it was going to be; we just knew it was a few degrees warmer and probably okay. Lots of snow piled up along the sides of the road in spots and all of the waterfalls we passed last month are now icicle falls. Cold, cold, cold. Very painful trip home after waiting 2 hours for the doctor and the shots. One side is aching, the other fine. THey don’t usually bother me but the trip sure got my SI’s and back hurting. Finally feeling a bit of relief today.
      Jen, how is Tim feeling? Let us know, okay? Love, Sue

      Reply

      • HI SUE…..SO GLAD TO HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO, I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK I WAS ON THE BLOG ALL BY MYSELF….LOL. I BET IT WAS A BIT OF A ROUGH OLD RIDE THEN TO PORTLAND, I HATE BEING ON THE ROAD IN THE WIND DON’T YOU? SO GLAD YOU GOT BACK SAFELY. WE STILL HAVEN’T SEEN ANY SNOW YET, BUT WE HAD THE MOTHER OF A STORM YESTERDAY, EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE WAS RATTLING, WE JUST SWITCHED ALL THE LIGHTS AND TV OFF, LIGHT A FEW SCENTED CANDLES, PUT ANOTHER LOG ON, AND LISTENED TO SOME CLASSICAL MUSIC…..VERY RELAXING.
        TIM IS UP AND DOWN LIKE TOWER BRIDGE, HE WENT RUNNING ON THE BEACH, SAID HE FELT QUITE WELL, BUT TODAY HE HAS PAIN AGAIN. E HEEDED MY ADVICE AND GOT REGISTERED WITH A DOCTOR, HE SENT BLOODS OFF AND A STOOL TEST, THE BLOODS CAME BACK CLEAR, THE OTHER HE IS WAITING FOR.
        I AM HAPPY YOU ARE RECOVERING FROM YOUR TRIP SUE, AND HOPE THE WEEKEND IS A RELAXING ONE FOR YOU…….I LOVE YOU…….JENNIE X

  18. Good Morning All:
    Jennie: I am here luv. Baby is still the same. I have to go out and clean her up some today. My Frenchman is doing well, very busy as he has 11 classes a day in 3 different schools with 3 levels to teach at. Says he is running ragged. We are both much in hope for Feb’s outcome so just hold that thought. He is sending me a box for my birthday and I am excited to see what is in it. I asked him to find me some lavender cologne or perfume, and maybe see how much cheaper Estee is over there. So he went hunting for a good scent. He was naming off all these brands, Chanel was the only one I recognized.
    It has been warm here for the last few days, today is overcast with rain coming in tonight. Then tomorrow the temps drop again and we are having the winds as well. Hope you are feeling better sweetie.
    Love
    Tonie’

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    • Tonie, oh my how does your dear friend do it? That is so much traveling time plus all those classes. Perfume from France? Now that sounds so glamorous, doesn’t it? Has such a different ring to it than perfume from Costco. Hope you’re doing okay with all the freezing temps and staying as warm as possible. Glad Baby is maintaining but know you’re still wondering. Hope the weather isn’t too hard on her this year. Is she already starting to grow more fur like last year? So, chickens don’t drink at night? Now, you see how much you are educating all of us.
      Wishing I had a good oncologist closer to home at this point but it doesn’t seem meant to be for me. These trips are so difficult. Even had to miss a concert the grands were in today because I can’t sit. I hate that so much. Do take care my dear and hold on until you get news next month from France. Love, Sue

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      • Sue
        It was warm again today, but raining this evening. I have a head cold and it is making me feel lousy. Had a shot of steroids at the pain Dr yesterday , made me feel a bit better. He gave me a medi-pak, but haven’t started it yet, it is for my hip and the sciatica. I have to go thru one more round of shots in the facets before they will do the nerve burn. I thought only one, he says it is two. Stupid insurance.
        WIsh you had a closer Dr too sweetie I always think of you when I drive to Roanoke for my apts. Wears me out so I always think of you guys and your trips. Empathy is a good thing, doesn’t do you any good, but I do pray for you.
        Well, I am going to sleep.
        Love ya
        Tonie

      • 6 pounds is about $8.75 in US money, and that’s about what maple syrup costs here. They have gallons of it just up the road, north of us, so it looks like it wouldn’t be so expensive. I have a friend who likes to go to New England in the spring, so I might have her check on it for me.

        Nobody noticed in my earlier post that my Yorkie died. I guess I write so much, folks just look and say “Linda’s still living” and skip over my long epistles. I’m sorry, I hope that didn’t sound nasty of me. Just with all the dog lovers on here, thought someone would notice.
        I love you all, even when I act out.
        Linda

    • Tonie, when I was a kid, my uncle was in the military and stationed in Europe. All the adult women would send him on shopping trips to get them Channel #5. It was so cheap there. I love that, but it’s out of my price range now.

      Reply

  19. Hya
    All ok Jen.i was busy doing Saturday stuff
    My IBS and diver had eased ,still there ,but come on a bit today so have taken a spasmonal.just to see it off ..how’s yours? How’s Tim?
    My dad he’s the same..but asked me what my mum died of yesterday ..well she fell down the stairs and died it was a terrible time..and he’d forgotten ..it was sad for me. Ok for my dad perhaps ..to have forgotten the terrible wait while she died from it in Hosp
    Tonie
    Wow a man hunting for perfume for you..what can I say ?!
    Our weather is going to get colder they say..so we were off to get antifreeze window fluid down to-20 c and already mixed up,..so partly prepared!
    We have a cover that just goes over the front window of car .cant put it in garage ,too much stuff in there
    Sue
    Hope you are recovering and resting
    Chris

    Reply

    • Chris, oh dear but that is cold. Good that you got everything needed drained at the beach house. Hope your tummy settled down. Mine is in an uproar because of the pain and the trip, etc. Finally starting to settle a bit now but still much pain in sitter and back. SUch an ugly long trip. WIth the trip, the waiting for the doc and meds, etc. I estimated sitting upright for 7 hours Thursday. Long trip home and we stopped to eat but I got carsick. Too much pain I think. Came home and fell asleep until a friend called. The shots do appear to be working and when I asked the doctor how long they worked he said about a year or two. Not the answer I wanted to hear but he said then we try something else. Think they make me feel terrible and it is not just the trip but hard to say with so many problems all at once. Tired of it all.
      Your poor Dad sounds more down than usual. Poor man. Your new large scarf sounds lovely and practical. Aren’t you the practical one though. Hope you’re enjoying it and I know you’re looking chic and pretty in it. I haven’t really felt up to getting on here and should have, I know. Do take care with all that cold coming your way. Love ya, Sue

      Reply

    • HI CHRIS….GLAD TO KNOW YOU ARE STILL AROUND, MISSED YOU. SO GLAD YOUR IBS AND DIVER HAVE EASED FOR YOU……OH THAT MUST HAVE BROUGHT A LUMP TO YOUR THROAT WHEN YOUR DAD SAID THAT, HE WAS WANDERING A BIT BY THE SOUND OF IT.
      WHAT IS YOUR WEATHER LIKE, ITS VERY ODD HERE, BRILLIANT SUNSHINE ONE MINUTE, THEN TORRENTIAL RAIN WITH THUNDER AND LIGHTNING. WE ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE SNOW BY EARLY NEXT WEEK….OUR FRIENDS ARE BACK NOW, SO I HAVE COMPANY FROM TIME TO TIME.
      HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD SUNDAY AND ITS NOT TOO COLD….TAKE CARE LOVE………JEN X

      Reply

      • Jen
        Similar weather here and cold next week they say
        How’s your IBS did it clear ?
        Got my headache starting again and building up..bu..er
        Good Tims bloods came back ok
        Do you think he strains himself there somehow doing stuff? I bet someone will query your comment about tower bridge up and down!!?? Maybe .maybe not…..
        Been out for a ride and DH with camera and stopped for cheese scone and tea
        He’s been asked to help with photos for a recipe book now along with a calander for next year all for charity . Keeps him busy along with doing history of houses etc
        Hope all having a good Sunday
        Chris

    • Chris, I sat with a man for several years who had Alzheimers. In the later stages, he forgot his wife was dead. He would want us to call around and find her and tell her to come home now. Twice I told him she was dead. It nearly killed me, for it was new to him and he went through his grief all over again. The 2nd time, he called his daughter-in -law and told her I had told him something very disturbing and he wanted to confirm it with her. He bawled like a baby after he talked to her. I swore I’d never tell him again and make him go through that. The next time he asked for her, I told him she’d gone out of town shopping with their daughter-in-law. That seemed to content him. But every time he forgot and was told the truth, he relieved all his pain. So, be glad your dad doesn’t remember all that heartache. It will be hard on both of you for him to relive that.

      Reply

      • Linda, yes your messages are long and sometimes those who do not know you may not read them and that’s their choice. As far as your dog, I think it was a bit of a criticism and some of us had already seen that you lost your beloved pet on FB. I know I saw it and already commented but didn’t feel it was necessary again. Sorry if your feeling are hurt but you, perhaps, expect too much. Just give it some thought. Sue

  20. Sue, hope you start feeling a bit better soon. Very long, uncomfortable day for you. Thank goodness you had good weather for travel. Sorry you missed the concert. 😦 Trying to recover from all the holiday stuff and weather here. Been doing, and craving, a lot more sleeping. Tired of being tired. But it’s been worse, so I guess I should be thankful.

    Chris, I know it is hard on you when your dad doesn’t remember, but as you say, may be best for him that he doesn’t recall the pain and grief from that time. Sorry you have to go through it.

    Reply

    • Lyn, you had your holiday celebrations so strung out and then the concerts followed by all the clean up and taking things down. It all adds up so much when our bodies are so compromised. I know you gave each occasion and celebration and concert your all and it doesn’t take long to get empty. Refill dear lady and give it time. That’s the best advice we can often give to each other, you know? Sleep can be so life giving if your body lets you. Do continue to do what you know you must. Love ya, Sue

      Reply

  21. Sue
    the trying something else maybe a better strategy for you. At the moment they are receding so the new meds will have a better base to work from and do good
    The whole trip and day and injections must be exhausting and not only that either. It must take time for the body to be itself again.
    Also we all know you are resting when your not on here after that trip….so do not concern yourself at all
    My tum well I’ve been having ..I don’t think you get it over there….it’s called golden syrup .i didn’t think it had the wrong sugars in it..only my IBS was returning. So I looked at the ingreds. And there it was inverted sugars…huh!.looked it up fructose and glucose..only more fructose,so that’s the current cause .
    Will have to get some 100pc maple syrup
    My whole diet is getting narrower
    What a shame to miss the concert..would your DD have been allowed to video it…here they are very touchy about doing that and have to get all the parents consent..that’s if they even allow it
    Lyn
    Yep the holidays must have been exhausting as you did a lot. Rest up. My goodness you know they are already selling Easter eggs here….feels all out of sync!
    Chris

    Reply

    • Chris dear, perhaps I didn’t make it clear. I will need to take the injections as long as they are keeping any mets away and shrinking the tumors because the three meds I took orally tore up my stomach so badly. I’m sure having IBS and other problems didn’t help at all. I just was expressing a wish that the doctor here in town was a better one for me. I’m sure she is find but I didn’t like her personally and did not feel she knew anything or showed any interest at all in what was going on with all my other problems. I think it’s terribly important for a physician to take in and consider the whole patient. I wish she could just give the shots but it can’t be because I have to be seen before each round of them. I really like and have a great deal of faith in the experience and knowledge of the guy I now see.
      Yes, Beth probably did tape the kids and they will each come over and play their pieces for me, one on the guitar and the other on the piano. It will still be good. Take care, Much love, Sue

      Reply

    • Chris, it’s good that you know more and more about what is irritating to your gut. No, I don’t know what golden syrup is. I know what you mean about a narrow diet. I feel the same way, especially right now with the temporary still in waiting for the crown. Next week I start to make noise about it. Gees. Now that wretched washer…you know the one we’ve replaced all the parts on? It’s acting up. Would like to shoot it but it wouldn’t help. Looks like we’ll be buying a new washer/dryer combo because can’t get a side by side in our kitchen space. Yuk. Well, enough moaning and groaning. On with my day and hope you’re as well as can be. Love, Sue

      Reply

      • Sue
        I can’t believe it .not again..don’t buy the same make ! I wonder what the actual problem is as most parts have been replaced ,,
        What a long wait for the new crown…probably the holidays do you think?
        Chris

      • I wonder if what I see in the baking isle as simple syrup is the same as golden syrup in the UK. I find it near molasses here in Michigan. I wish I could send you maple syrup easily. It’s very common here as trees are tapped every spring. I wonder if raw honey would soothe your tummy

    • CHRIS……I KNOW THIS IS NOT FOR ME, BUT HAPPENED TO SEE ABOUT MAPLE SYRUP, I USE IT ALL THE TIME, AND IT DOES NOT UPSET MY TUMMY AT ALL……TRY IT, BUT NOT THE CHEAP STUFF. TIM DOESN’ HAVE A PROBLEM GOING TO THE LOO, HE IS LIKE US, GOES TOO MUCH, AND ITS HAPPENING AT WORK, SO IT MAKES HIM STRESSED AND HE THINKS EVERYONE NOTICES…..I USED TO BE LIKE THAT, AND REALISED I WAS MAKING IT WORSE….VICIOUS CIRCLE.
      YES MY IBS IMPROVED, BUT SINCE HAVING PANIC ATTACKS, ITS COMING BACK.
      GREAT NEWS FOR YOUR DH BEING KEPT BUSY, IT ALL SOUNDS REALLY INTERESTING.
      HOPE YOU ARE OK LOVE, AND THE HEADACHE HAS GONE NOW….TAKE CARE…LOVE JEN X

      Reply

  22. Oh I see now
    I know the other meds played you up a lot
    I agree you have to treat the body as a whole and need someone that you feel you can rely on to do that
    It will be great for you to watch and listen to the recitals and for the grands as well
    Going to try and get some sleep now it’s 12.30am
    Chris

    Reply

  23. For this coming season at the shed they are not supporting the wifi on the site ..this means we have to be billed direct from the company….since the wifi is not good there and drops out and takes sometimes 15 mins to log on I don’t think we will pay the money for it as its expensive anyway
    But I will take my iPad and get free wifi to some places we go to…but not on as much..but at least I can say when I’m going over there so no surprise when I’m not on for a week ,except when on free wifi
    😟Chris

    Reply

    • Chris, I’m sorry to hear that. Hate to think of going for too long without hearing from you but it doesn’t sound worth the money if the service at the coast is that bad. Is there only one company to choose from? Sue

      Reply

      • I know.i could get it briefly on my cellphone but I am only allowed so much for the month and need to keep that amount for emails.
        The wifi satellite for that company is on the site…so am stuck with it
        But we can go to a hotel on times to get it
        Chris

  24. Tonie, I am sorry to hear about the protocol on the nerve ablation. You’re right…insurance! I think empathy is important and it actually does help so never fear. Understanding what we’re each going through is a good thing. I agree with Lyn, we will all be waiting to see what you get in the mail from France. Hopefully it will be something you can share on here and not so secretive you have to hide it…you know…
    Sounds like your up and down weather is continuing. Hope the steroids help your joints although they won’t help you at all with the cold…may prolong it a bit but it’s the pain, I know, that you want to be rid of. DD and GD have both had them here and Jim wasn’t feeling well yesterday or today so we will see. Sunny yet cold here today and so beautiful. I love the clear gorgeous views on these days.
    It’s not the fatigue I mind so much about our trips to Portland it is the beating pain from the sitting and then to come home on two sore muscles from the injections..well, doesn’t do any good to complain. Have to have the shots to stave off the cancer. What a fix.
    Take care of that cold and I know you will, just have to say it. Love ya, Sue

    Reply

  25. Hi folks, I read this last night but thought going to bed to be a better option than writing to you! Sorry to hear you all are so “poorly”. We had rain for almost two weeks here, then a sudden drop down into seasonal temps. Need I say that this nearly killed me? Fortunately, my pain doctor has more heart than I thought and he adjusted my meds and now has me almost comfortable. Bearable, at least.

    Sue, I think of black only as a “lack of light”. I do have those days that seem to lack light for me. But, if I don’t jump in and try to control it, I think I’d dwell there forever. And, I really don;t like it “there”. So, I allow myself one day to sit on my pity pot, to feel hopeless and useless, Then, I know it has to go. When I start saying these things to others, it’s too upsetting for them. Last week I told my son I was useless. He cried, then he wrote me a poem. His poem made me feel so ashamed of myself. I know what a parents words can do to you, and if we had a week, I could lay out lots of examples from my own life. But, I tend to think that this quits when our children become adults. Not so. I had to adhere to my one day limit. Since my last foray into declaring myself cured of depression, I have taken my meds religiously. They are also good at helping control pain; maybe that’s just the chemical attitude adjustment, but help from any port, right?
    My dear little Yorkie, Sammy, died Dec 30. I knew she had been sick. I kept telling Ed and Keith she had to go to the vet, she was walking “funny”. They said, oh, just trim her nails, etc. But, this was not a nail type of walk. Her back side looked like she was widening from the sides. I palpated her legs, abd, and sides and felt nothing, nor did she make any sound or indication that anything hurt. But, the day before she died, I saw her trying to walk without using her back legs at all. She was trying to drag herself along as if lifting her back side was too painful. There is a problem that I think is common with yorkies, Ed’s first yorkie died of this, Keith’s girlfriends yorkie died a month ago of this. They get constipated, and their intentional walls separate. Ed’s first dog had surgery. Ed said Gizmo suffered more with the surgery than with the malady. And he never truly got better. With Stacey’s dog and mine, they said surgery would do no good. Sammy gone is truly a light gone out. She was one of the most loving dogs I have ever known. When she was younger, if Ed and I hugged, we had to pick her up and put her in the middle. I think to her, a happy life would have been with her attached to each of us. But I remember her with so many smiles. We were teaching her to ‘come”, and when she’d do it, we’d brag and love her, and she’d high 5 us. That used to crack us up. When she was about a year old, we found a rescue cocker spaniel. I didn’t want to get another dog but Ed kept saying “just look at that face”…did he ever know how to work me! I worried all the way home that Sammy would feel replaced and be unhappy with this dog. We walked in, sat the puppy on the floor. Sammy walked around her, sniffing. Then squealed, jumped, and went on to act as if it were Christmas morning and Santa had brought her every thing she wanted.
    It was a perfect pairing. The new dog had been abused. For a long time she wouldn’t take treats from us. Sammy finally got her to take them from me and from Ed, but only if he was sitting.They were inseparable. But poor little Maggie never got over her abuse (someone had kicked out her front teeth.) She was actually Sammy’s pet that we fed. Maggie seemed to feel safe with Sammy and Sammy was happy a a lark having Maggie as a companion. Thinking of the two of them makes me smile and sometimes just laugh out loud.

    The really odd thing about it all, my little Japanese Chin, has never been an affectionate dog. You couldn’t make her sit in your lap, and she had a cat’s attitude about you touching her “only on my command”. And kissing? You could forget that. Sometime in Nov, she started wanting to get onto my lap. The time she stayed there got longer and longer with each passing day. Now, I can’t make her get down. She finally understands the word “pee” and will start to move if I say it. When she first jumps up here, she kisses me like there’s no tomorrow. The only other time in 10 years that she has paid any attention to me was when I had surgery for a deviated septum and about 100 polyps removed from my sinus cavities. Every 30 minutes, she’d get on my lap, look at my nose, sniff my nose. Then get down. Once I had blood seeping and she went and got Ed. She checked me like this until I had the packing removed for a couple of days; then she didn’t know me again. But you could set your watch by her 30 minutes interval. Some of the most attentive nursing care I’ve ever received. Ed swears that dogs know things long before we do, and Lucy knew something was wrong with Sammy, and I would need comforting. Maybe Lucy can tell me herself one day.

    I have loved taking this Entyvio. For the first time in years I can eat what I want without pain, without cramps. I don’t hold onto my heating pad like a lover any more. But, as wonderful as all this is, the side effects have began to negate the good effects. My hair is falling out. My hair has always been baby fine, but I had a lot of it, so I could get by. Now, my hair is passed my shoulder blades, and I don’t have enough hair to get it into a pony tail. The constipation is awful. I take stool softeners 3 times a day. I did take a laxative once a week. now I take one twice a day, and I still will go several days without a bowel movement. It seems this swallowing problem I am having is also a side effect. The same with my voice volume just dwindling away. I really don’t know what my options are now. Sometimes I think I don’t want to take anything, and just let the Crohn’s do what it will. I have read that once you get in remission, you may stay there for years without meds. I’m willing to take that chance. I see my new gastro again next week so we’ll talk this all over.

    I hope everyone gets to feeling better soon. Maybe as the effects of the holidays wear off and the new weather changes become the norm, we will all settle down a bit. Donna and Chris, I have peripheral neuropathy in my left palm and foot. My neurologist prescribes a med for it that’s a cream that I massage in. Only one local pharmacist makes it (it has to be cooked), and a mail order place in Florida. I think I lost the name when I got this computer. Mine is a compound of ketamine, gabapentin,clonodine, and lidocaine. If your doctors don’t know of this locally for you, I think I can get a prescription sheet and scan it for you. Or, I could ask the local pharmacist to send it to your doctors. He’s with a Kare pharmacy, and if you have one of them in your area, the med’s available. It really works well for me.

    Love and prayers to you all,
    Linda

    Reply

    • Linda
      Good to hear from you
      And wow aren’t your dogs clever
      I will hunt for that cream you mentioned and Thankyou for that offer.my ph is in my left heel and my head
      Good to know life is not all bad for you. A POEM FOR YOU. Magic
      Chris

      Reply

      • Chris, I tried to find the poem you referred me to, but, there are tons of poems called ‘magic or with magic in the title. My favorite I found is the one by the Rice lady who writes all those sweet poems on cards, called the Magic of Love. I found a guy I loved too, — Thomas H. Pruiksma — he has a video of this wonderful poem “Magic, Love, and memory” One line in it, I will remember forever “anyone remembered is never gone.” So, what poem did you have in mind? I love poetry. Can’t write it although most of my family can, especially on my dad’s side. My son has written poems that made me cry and made me laugh, and made me realize how special love and life are. So, I want to read your poem!

        My neuropathy is in my left palm, left sole of the foot, and about a 3 inch area above my left ankle, encircling my leg. The leg part comes from ischemia I had with blood clots in my leg, 18 years ago. My hand is from the damage to my neck when I fell following a stroke. Folks think this just comes from diabetes, but not so.
        Linda

  26. Laura
    It could be simple syrup as you say…it is so nice on icecream and steamed sponge puddings ,porridge I put it on all stuff. So it looks like it has to be maple..I love that too,but it is so expensive here
    Honey is no good apparently as it us full of frutose which is a no go for my IBS. It seems a real minefield.but maybe when The IBS really goes my tum can try them all again
    Even apples and pears are ou,t too much fructose…you gotta be a chemist!
    Thankyou for thinking of me
    Chris

    Reply

  27. Jennie, I am sorry to hear you had such a fierce storm. Indeed, cooling it on the electricity sounds like a good idea. Were you having lightning..is that it? So much wind can do so much damage. Pleased to hear Tim is registered with a doc and has already had some testing. That sounds very positive so far.
    I’m sorry you get somehow alarmed when we all are off the blog for a day or two but that’s life. Hope your weather clears but it sounds like winter has finally arrived. Do take care, Sue

    Reply

    • HI SUE……WE HAD ANOTHER STORM LAST NIGHT, IT WAS A MAJOR ONE, EXPECTED TO SEE HALF THE GARDEN IN WITH THE NEIGHBOURS WHEN WE GOT UP, BUT DH MUST HAVE ANCHORED EVERYTHING DOWN WELL…IT WAS ALL THERE. JUST GOT NEW NEIGHBOURS BACKING ON TO OUR GARDEN BUT SLIGHTLY ON THE SLANT IF YOU GET MY DRIFT? ANYWAY, TURNS OUT THEY ARE ENGLISH….MY DH WASTED NO TIME IN INTRODUCING HIMSELF TO THEM…SO WHO KNOWS WE MAY BECOME FRIENDS, AND SHE IS FROM YORKSHIRE….GETS BETTER.
      YES WE HAD LIGHTENING, IT WAS AWESOME…..WE GOT FLASH AND ZIGZAGS AND SHEET LIGHTENING AT THE SAME TIME.
      I WASN’T REALLY ALARMED AT NO-ONE BEING ON THE BLOG…..I KNOW ITS ABOUT TIME DIFFERENCES MOST OF THE TIME, ESPECIALLY IF ITS AT THE WEEKEND….I WAS MORE CONCERNED ABOUT EVERYONE;S HEALTH MORE THAN ANYTHING……SPEAKING OF WHICH, HOW ARE YOU SUE, ARE YOU PICKING UP SINCE YOUR TRIP…..HOPE SO. HAVE YOU GOT ANY SNOW YET?…….TAKE CARE LOVE, ALWAYS THINKING OF YOU….I LOVE YOU…JEN X

      Reply

      • Jennie, I’m glad you now have English neighbors and hope you find something in common if that what you want. The garden damage sounds better than expected and the lightning very frightening. We heard stories when we were in Finland about the strikes of lightning coming through the TV and hitting folks. We don’t get that kind of lightning here…thank God. No, we have not had any snow as yet this year here in Astoria. Jim is making another trip to Portland today and we did check the weather first, you’d better believe.
        I see what you mean about Tim’s health. I know it’s a worry to you but seeing a doctor should make you feel a bit better. Some of us just internalize all stress, right? May not be right but it’s a fact. Do hope the weather has calmed for you..Love, Sue

      • Jennie-Poo ! God answers prayers darling ! He heard your lonely cry. Now maybe you will have someone to talk to that you can relate to. Hope so !!
        Love ya

  28. Linda
    Oh I am embarrassed ..you know what happened… the capitals came out accidentally on the iPad in my message to you and what I meant was it was magic that your son wrote you a poem. It’s my poor way of putting stuff..
    That must have been so good to receive and something to keep ,in your heart. You have been thru a lot and certainly deserve that Magic…and you do have that in your son
    Yea it’s odd this PN I have it moving about as well
    Chris

    Reply

    • Chris, I don’t always quite understand what I read, so I often read things over and over before I respond to them. It’s no matter, I read some beautiful poetry! My son’s poem was very beautiful, telling me I was useful to him, he needed me to teach him as long as he lived. He said I was so special and wonderful, he didn’t want another teacher, for he wanted to be like me. He asked, if saying I was useless meant that he was no longer important. If he had a child, he would know that nothing in the world would ever be as important to me as he is. In 42 years, no matter what he did, no matter if I was angry with him, there has not been a day that I would not have died for him. But, he taught me, too, for he taught me that you should be careful what you say, it may be interpreted very differently
      by others.

      Reply

      • Linda, I am pleased to hear you are having less gut trouble. What a long history of it you have endured. Yes, I think our children hold a special place in our hearts and we in theirs. That is the way of the design, don’t you think? I would imagine you are even more important to your son because he does not have children or a wife. I think we each have that feeling of uselessness from time to time especially when we can’t do all we once did. Perhaps, also, it is a common byproduct of aging. Do hope your health and your new doctor stay in better form than previously. Sue

  29. Evening all:
    Well, I slept away most of this day. But am feeling a bit better. Had some chicken noodle soup, which is always better. Now I am ready to go back to sleep again I think. I was awaken by a call from my Frenchman this morning. He thinks it may be mid June before he can come back, doesn’t think he will be released from his teaching until next year. Governments really have us over a barrel don’t they ?
    It has gotten very cold very quickly here. It dropped 15′ in a little over an hour. The wind is north west and extremely cold. We had some snow blowing around and it just made it colder. Tomorrow is supposed to be snow again, but with accumulation. I hope I feel up to swimming tomorrow. I did buy me some hiking shoes which are the most comfortable for me to walk in around here. I took a little walk yesterday trying to feel better. They are very good and feel nice. I popped my inserts in them and they fit good. Got a really good price on them which makes them even better,
    Sue, I hope you are feeling better, I know your pain is so bad after that trip. Linda, good to see you are doing better. Hope ya’all don’t get the cold we are having, you are usually a bit warmer.
    Take care all of you
    Love to all
    Tonie

    Reply

    • Tonie, Well, that sort of sucks…about your Frenchman’s job I mean. I can only imagine how you are feeling right now. If you two can keep communicating and making plans perhaps the time will go more quickly, all five months of it. I am sorry for both of you that it doesn’t seem to be going the way you had hoped.
      I do like to hear that you are feeling a bit better. Colds are so miserable. Like the sounds of those new shoes. May I ask what brand they are? Always looking for comfy shoes and finding so few. Do take care of yourself dear friend. Love, Sue

      Reply

      • Sue:
        The shoes, are more hiking boots style, not sure you would like them. But they are like Merrills. I have worn my old ones out several years ago and never replaced them. For walking I find these better than sneakers cause they support my feet and ankles better and have better traction. All weather terrains.
        I am still holding out hope that he can come after Feb, I know he has been talking with the other teachers and listening to what they are telling him can be done. It could also turn out that the ding in his retirement would not be worth it just to hold out the rest of the year. I don’t know. We will see at any rate.
        I feel better this morning. I am going to go and swim in a bit, hopefully will keep up to my previous laps. You never know when you will run out of steam. If I could swim with flippers it would help, but they pull my back and make it hurt so …it takes me more time.
        Have a good one yourself, prayers for your healing.
        Love
        TOnie

  30. Linda
    A very wise lesson to,learn from your son. Actually I get things wrong a lot of the time I put it down to my age!
    Tonie
    Hope this cold shifts for you quick
    Mid June now…well I expect you both knew it was on the cards ..no surprise but not nice to know
    What a bu..er..nothing to say can make it feel better….roll on summer
    Chris

    Reply

  31. Morning all:
    Well a very COLD start to this morning in the mountains. IT was 11′ when I got up this morning. I bundled up right to go and feed, felt no cold let me tell you ! The sun is out but it is frosty. I will go and swim here in a bit, hopefully be able to keep my number of laps up. I have to get the medipak filled also. Pick up some greenery from the grocery for supper, and of course, have my ice cream cone after my workout ! Life is good ! God is good !
    When I come home I have to clean Baby up and see to her wounds, She will not eat the beets they told me to give her. Janet, do you know of anything else that will help keep her “regular” besides the beets ? She is strictly on hay now that the grass is frostbit. Hopefully, I can come up with a substitute for them. She actually turned the pan over and dumped them out. Hussy !! She will pic up the pan and shake it to get any residual feed out she can’t lick out. She was not happy when I put those beets in her pan instead of feed. Tell me horses don’t have expressions !
    Have a lovely day all !
    I am feeling a bit better today and tired of laying around
    Love to you all
    Tonie

    Reply

    • Tonie, Thanks for the shoe info. I guess I misunderstood and thought they were more like runners. Glad you found them but you’re right, they’re not for me. I can’t even wear socks that touch my ankles and definitely not shoes that do. I’m sorry you’re facing such cold temps. That is such a challenge, I know. Hope the roads were not slick this day when you went to swim. I know you have so much motivation right now to be as healthy as you can be. We all should but we are not all involved in a new relationship and I think that’s got to be great! That’s nothing against my old buy but just a word of acclaim for “young” love.
      I think it’s hysterical about Baby turning over her bucket of beets. Well, she knows what she likes. I still hope her wound is one that will heal and she gets better. She certainly hasn’t lost any spunk. Pray swimming went well for you today. Love, Sue

      Reply

    • Tonie, Wish I could help, but never ran into a problem like Baby is having. The vet doesn’t have any other suggestions? And yes horses do have a mind of their own and don’t mind letting you know. Can’t help but love them even so. Take care, Janet

      Reply

  32. Well, Chris, I did a bit of research on your Golden syrup, it’s a by product of refining sugar cane or beets. it’s available in the us now and wal-mart carries it.
    “Golden syrup or light treacle is a thick, amber-coloured form of inverted sugar syrup made in the process of refining sugar cane or sugar beet juice into sugar, or by treatment of a sugar solution with acid.”
    I love maple syrup, but the cost is prohibitive here in VA, too. I’m not a great syrup eater, never have been. My dad used to pour honey on his plate, put cold butter in it, mash the butter into the syrup, and sop it up with toast. I never could, and still can’t, stand the taste of honey. Ed likes the sugar free Smuckers Maple flavored syrup, and I will eat that with pancakes or French toast, although I seldom make either one of those now. ‘nuf said, just wanted to let you know about the syrup.
    Linda

    Reply

  33. Jen
    So good to gave a pommie neighbour and from Yorkshire. Was Tim waiting for something else with Dr?
    Linda
    It sounds like golden syrup you have ..as the ingr say inverted sugar ….that’s why I can’t have it as that contains fructose.got some maple today.it is expensive £6 for a bottle .but the ingr. Say just maple and nothing else….so that should be ok
    Yep honey is too sweet for me too
    Chris

    Reply

    • HI CHRIS…..YES TIM IS WAITING FOR A STOOL TEST TO COME THROUGH…..I AM HOPING TO MEET MY YORKSHIRE NEIGHBOURS SOON, HOPE YOU ARE FEELING BETTER…TALK MORE SOON….LOVE JEN X

      Reply

  34. 6 pounds is about $8.75 in US currency, which is about what a small bottle of maple syrup runs here. Have you noticed that anything we CAN eat costs twice as much as things we can’t eat?

    My little Yorkie has been dead 12 days now. I miss her so much. She was a major light in my darkness.

    Reply

  35. Linda
    I think my brain is going…but did you tell us about your little dog before,as I’m sure I mentioned about it then and I’m sure others did…if I didn’t I’m sorry and it must be a terrible time to go thru

    Well I just rang my dad and he put the phone down and I waited as I can never ring back as he then fiddles with the phone and it’s engaged..but he rang me back ..so I said you put the phone down when I rang…he said I know I had to to ring to see who it was!…..there’s a logic there somewhere

    Hope your colds healing there tonie
    Lyn your not so tired
    Chris

    Reply

    • Chris, I’m impressed at how much you know about the types of sugars. You’ve done your homework. I am pleased for your DH that he has the new assignment. I know how much he loves his photography and know he is good at it, too, which helps. I think we all need something to give us that feeling of accomplishment.
      Yes, I must agree your Dad’s thinking does come through sometimes when you least expect it. Poor man is dealing with so much here at the last part of his life and the older I get the more I understand that loss. Do take care in that cold weather dear lady. Love, Sue

      Reply

  36. Dear Friends, please say a word of prayer for our dear friend, Brenda Pommom who fell at home a couple of days ago and hurt her shoulder severely. She had X-rays and nothing is fractured but she is very sore, in pain and had to have stitches on her arm. We’re thinking of you dear Pommom. Love you, Sue

    Reply

  38. Just a short note to say hi. Praying for all of you! I have been in pain like everyone else. Taking the high doses of prednisone. Can’t sleep. Tomorrow I go down a pill to the next level for 4 days. I also see my Rheumatologist tomorrow. I am feeling a little better except for my left hand and wrist.
    I have written 2 long post and neither one posted. So I am going to try this one more time. Love you all, Donna

    Reply

  39. Hi everyone, this is a test to see if this will post. I have written 3 different posts in several days. They will not go through. If this goes through I will try and write later or tomorrow. I hope I have it fixed! I have worked on this several hours the last few days! Love, Donna

    Reply

  40. Oh my goodness. I think I finally waded through all the new posts since I was last on. I think. I did find some interspersed as replies to comments I had read earlier, so don’t know if I missed some or didn’t go back far enough. I know I won’t remember well enough to comment to everyone. So much going on! It seems weather is something else for many of us. We’re cold like Tonie, here, although I don’t think we have gotten down to 11 overnight yet. It warmed up to a balmy 30*F here today. I managed to gain enough energy to walk Sadie a bit today, the sun was quite nice, but there was a nasty wind. We were spoiled back in December with such mild weather. We may get a hint of snow tomorrow evening. We’ll see. My relatives across the state from us have had some a few times already, I think. Glad I don’t live there.

    Linda, I am so sorry to hear of your little Yorkie’s passing. I just read it today. Good to hear from you, though.

    Tonie, hopefully your FM will find another way and hopefully it won’t be too much of a hit to retire when he wishes. That little so and so, Baby. Yes, she does know her likes and dislikes, doesn’t she? I do hope you can find something she DOES like to eat that will be a suitable substitute.

    Fading fast here. Sorry, Must close early. Sorry to those I was not able to address. Long day and evening. Prayers for everyone. Sleep well, all.

    Reply

  41. Evening all:
    Sue, it didn’t snow today like the forecast said, thank goodness. It was still cold, but the sun was out and warmed it some. The artic air is still very cold I did get to go swimming, and I got my mile done, plus some. I used the flippers, didn’t bother the back today. I am motivated to take care of me, for me first, then the relationship. I have been trying to get this mile done for a year now. I was so jacked when I finished. Now I am so tired. Monday is my work at home day. So I had a lot of tasks to get done, very tired. Hope you all have a great night and sleep well, wake up feeling better than usual.
    Love to all
    Tonie

    Reply

    • Tonie, Congratulations on your mile swim. That’s great and I’m very proud of you. You deserve a good rest tonight. Love, Sue

      Reply

  42. Thanks, Lyn & Chris. Pommom, I’m so sorry about your shoulder. I think I told you a long time ago that you have the worst luck of anyone I know. Didn’t you have a bad fall just before your shoulder surgery? Please be careful, you’re in my prayers.

    Reply

  43. Well folks been to Dr this morning and I’ve still got this discomfort in tum not as much as befor but lower down along with a discharge ,so I’ve gotta have a ultra sound there she thinks it maybe the polyps in the uterus again ugh!
    Mite try putting up some cream there it mite be just sore from lack of oestrogen you never know got some oestrogen cream I’m supposed to keep using there but don’t .been to sleep this morning after I had Drs appt so just woke up
    Back later Chris

    Reply

    • HI CHRIS….HOPE THE CREAM HELPS SHOULD YOU DECIDE TO USE IT…..WOW WE HAD A FROST THAT LOOKED LIKE SNOW TODAY, VERY PRETTY, BUT SO COLD…..STILL IT WAS NICE TO SEE THE PATTERNS ON THE BATHROOM WINDOW WERE ON THE OUTSIDE, INSTEAD OF INSIDE FOR A CHANGE….HOWIS THE HEAD NOW?………………………LOVE JEN

      Reply

      • Jennie, I hope you’re able to stay warm and loved your previous description of the bathroom window and the frost. It’s good to enjoy this time of year since we have to live through it anyway. Everything here is so green, including all the moss hanging from the trees and growing on the pavements and sidewalks. Hope you’re okay. Any word from Tim’s last test? Love, Sue

  44. Well, we got your snow, Tonie. It was accompanied by lightning, thunder and lots of wind! Under and inch, but it covered the driveway in a flash! That was last evening. Lots of wind all night, still snow on the drive this morning. Rather surprised me. It will only reach 20s today, wind chill in the teens. I’m not looking forward to it. I’ve been having day long fatigue, interspersed with some that just lasts morning or off and on. Yesterday was mostly morning, but with a nasty headache. Today Luka (the kitten) and I had a serious nap in the morning, a real power nap. I hope it fuels me for the day.

    Chris, sorry to hear you are having trouble again. I hope it is an easy turn around.

    Tonie, I would be swimming alongside you if I could! I miss it so. I really wish our pool was warmer so I could. I suppose I could try again… I just didn’t see paying then $40 a month – I’m sure it’s more now – to swim. If the water was just a couple degrees warmer… By the end of my half hour (I didn’t swim for distance then, just for time – usually a half hour) I was feeling a bit chilled and could feel it in my joints. The hot tub was not that hot, either, or I could have warmed in there. Pity. But, good for you! You are right. Take care of you for you first and foremost! The rest comes after. 😉 Proud of you.

    Sue, how are you doing? I hope slowly better. I must try to get some straightening up done around here now. A couple of errands to run too, then a little rest.

    Take care, all!

    Reply

    • Lyn, good for you getting a power nap with Luka. Hope your joints are able to stay inside with lots of silk undies, or whatever you choose, keeping them warm. I’m layering like crazy. Just got back from the dentist where I finally got that crown put on and our weather is getting ready to have the skies open up. More rain…imagine that but at least it isn’t snow or ice. Even Portland is thawing out a bit I’m told. I enjoyed the holidays but find it such a feeling of relief to be moving on now. Hope the family is well and know they’re busy. Do take care of you, Love, Sue

      Reply

      • Sue, was bundled up today. DD got me fleece cuddleduds top for Christmas I had on under a sweatshirt. 🙂 I bundled up well for the short walk with Sadie and managed to keep those joints warm. Whew. Glad you finally got in to the dentist for that crown. What an unusual event – rain in Oregon 😉

  45. Hi
    Went to coast today.sunny and cold but nice
    Went to check shed was drained down ok as well
    So had a nice day
    Lyn hope it doesn’t get too cold and wish you’d get over the tiredness ,it’s awful I know
    Jen
    Yea it’s cold but sunny here.hope tims test comes back soon.
    Tonie
    Mile swim woohoo!
    Hope you got your tasks done ok without hurting
    Gotta do stuff now.chris

    Reply

    • Chris, glad to hear you’ve had a good day and got to the coast if only briefly. DO you stay in hotels when the shed is drained? Hope all going well with your dear Dad. How’s daughter’s situation doing? Stay warm and hope you get out in some of that sunshine. Had dental visit today and finally got that crown in. Jaws sore but that’s all. Now I’m also going to attempt to get something accomplished, if only a bit. It all ads up. Love, Sue

      Reply

  46. Sue
    Well at last the crown done.good ..is that the last of the dentist now..hope so
    Well when we go to coast ,when the site is closed ,we go there and back in a day..we travel about and always end up in the same hotel for lunch..it has a warm conservatory that looks out over the sea.DH goes walking for pictures and I sit and read .we have coffee when we arrive and lunch when DH comes back. They also have a real fire there which doesn’t seem to get into my eyes. And that’s so nice to sit by and hear it crackling away..So we are always surprised the time just goes.also there is always someone interesting to chat to if you want to and find out about. Mostly it’s quiet when we go..we like it like that
    My DD ..well I will be seeing her this weekend..she is meeting friends to go to see a show in the evening going to my dads in the morning..then spending the other time with me..so she says all is fine .GS says the atmosphere in the house is no good.so I will probe …well you know as far you can do!
    My dad seems ok.dr changed his sleeping tablets ..have to see how they go.his carer will be leaving to go back to her country in a few weeks…a shame as a new one will be starting..I’ve been onto the agency to make sure he gets someone who knows what’s what..so have to see
    Hope the sore jaw settles now overnite
    Chris

    Reply

    • Chris, you can always hold out hope that your Dad’s new caregiver will be more compatible than the current one or not nearly so domineering. Hope his new sleeping pills are working well and he is getting adequate sleep.
      Your description of your day at the coast sounds so tranquil and lovely, including the fireplace and it not hurting your eyes. Maybe they have it extra well vented? Lovely that both of you can do what you like to do. There is much food for the soul in that. Maybe when Jim finally retires and my back is willing, we can have more short trips.
      Glad you get to see your DD soon. Love, Sue

      Lyn, sounds good and warm and toasty. Funny how warm clothing can become so important to us. Love ya, Sue

      Reply

  47. Evening all:
    Sue glad you got that tooth taken care of, and now can cross that off your list of bad things to come. Tuesday I have to go have my fillings done. Not looking forward to this. Hate the shots. I am looking forward to Jims retirement and you guys doing things together. I will be happy to hear your stories. I know how you love to travel and see new things. I pray for you daily to get new strength to accomplish what you want.
    I am stopping at the trail on the way home from work and walking a little ways along the river. So tranquil and relaxing after the day. Ms Alice is now on meds for her stroke, rela something, can’t remember. But it has made her like a kid on a sugar high. Very nerve racking. And on top of that with the steroid pack, making me jittery, it has been good for me before coming home. It will be a nice break when they leave next Wed. I will drive them to the airport hotel and then they catch their flight the next morning.
    Chris, I sure do hope the new care giver is a good one. It is hard on him and you to keep changing them like that. I have been with Ms Alice for 3 years now. We have a routine down pretty good now. I wish you could find someone permanent with him.
    Jennie, hang in there babe, the warm weather is coming. You are colder than where my Frenchman is, his weather is much milder, although they are set for snow and cold on Saturday. Liked your pics on FB
    Well watching Code Black on tv, good show. You nurses would like it.
    LOve to all
    Tonie

    Reply

    • Tonie, oh my the picture you paint of Ms Alice on her meds and you on yours. Good thing it isn’t a live in situation like Chris’s Dad. I think that would be far too much, don’t you? A walk in the country sounds just the ticket for you today.
      I wish I could travel and see new things and places but with this back, the trip to Portland is the biggest challenge. Fortunately we have many beautiful sights close to home. It will be great just to see more of my husband…especially while he is awake.
      Good to hear you talk about your FM even if his weather is changing. Hope you weren’t too sore from the long swim yesterday. It’s good your charge is going to be out of town for awhile and give you a break. Tomorrow will surely be a better day for you. How is your cold? Love, Sue

      Reply

      • Sue:
        I know you can’t travel far, but I am looking forward to hearing of you going to the local antique shops and craft stores you used to frequent again. So many things around you that you haven’t been doing of late. I am hoping and praying you will be back doing some things soon. My cold is better, I have pushed myself too much this week. The prednisone had me feeling all jacked up, you know how that goes. Now I am in the crash and burn phase where I am coming off it. Hate that feeling. Had to go to my youngest grandson’s birthday today. Xavier, my chunky monkey is 5. I am getting really tired of birthday cake ! I have another one Feb 2, then Judy;s the 3rd. Hopefully she and I can do something different. No cake ! I took it easy today, no walking after work, cause I had to go to Nikki’s. I am very tired tonight. Tomorrow is swim day, then I need to do some major house cleaning. The dogs are on my bad boy list. They both peed in the house last night, so I have to clean all the floors , clean and steam them or put Scooba out on them. Bathroom, dusting, my room. It is never done is it ? And wash the boys. They are sleeping on the floor, cause I am so mad at them. They know they are in trouble and why. Praying for you my friend to feel better.
        Love
        Tonie

    • THANKS TONIE……HAD THE FIRST SNOW TODAY, BUT IT CAME TO NOTHING AND NOW THE SUN IS OUT, BUT LOTS OF HEAVY RAIN…….YOUR GUY IS NOT SO FAR NORTH AS WE ARE, BUT I GUESS HE WILL NOT BE ESCAPING THE WHITE STUFF HUH? GLAD YOU LIKE THE PICS, I DON’T LIKE MINE THOUGH, I NEVER DO…..HOW IS BABY? ANY CHANGE?……LOVE YOU ….JEN XX

      Reply

      • Jennie:
        Yeah I am seeing my FM will be getting snow this weekend. We are to get it next weekend, rain again tomorrow, of course since I am cleaning floors. Right ? We are to be so cold on Monday and Tuesday I am not looking forward to it. Baby is still the same, still being a good girl and eating way too good. I need to get some weight off her. Even the vet said she was too big. I never like my pictures, which is why I try not to be in them : )
        Take care
        Love
        Tonie

  48. Always seems to be something going on. My house is getting to the age that it wants a lot of tlc. The commode in the main bath stopped up again! WE had to have the septic tank drained again. seems the first guy didn’t drain it. Keith tried to snake the commode and broke the snake off and it seems to have worked it’s way down into the neck of the pipes. We’re having a new commode installed tomorrow. We’re getting a handicap one, which will be nice for me and Ed. So, I’m guessing the toilet will be my Valentines present! Works for me.

    Reply

    • Linda, sounds like a nightmarish situation; however, you’d be hard pressed to have a house as old as ours at 126 years. We know what it’s like to have things going wrong. I have one of the taller toilets and really like it, if that’s what you are referring to. Hope all goes well for you. Sue

      Reply

      • yes, Sue, we’re getting one of the taller ones. I thought we would like it; I’m glad to know you do.
        Linda

      • I think you will love the taller toilet, Linda. My Mom has one and I find it preferable. We replaced 2 of our toilets and both are taller than our original ones. I like it 🙂

  49. Sue
    I was thinking you don’t have to travel far at all where you live for a sight for the eyes.you used to go down by the river for meals I remember . It will be nice to just do nice things like that with DH.or even for coffee.or just to drive there and watch a sunset…how long do you think he will have to wait to retire
    Tonie
    it must be good to have that break before you go home.it sounds a bit hectic atvwork there .and good to have a break
    Linda
    I hate it when things go awry like that..hope it’s sorts out soon

    Lyn
    I googled your cuddle duds ..good name.they look nice and cosy .we have them here but haven’t heard by that name
    Well gotta get going
    Chris

    Reply

    • They are comfy, Chris. I have an older undergarment from the same company, but a different fabric. It’s a nice extra layer, but I find I really like the coziness of fleece in the cold months. I hate being cold or chilly. I have some warm fleece tops from Lands End that I often wear when it is really cold out. 🙂

      Reply

  50. Hi folks
    After I posted I had a phone call to go for an ultrasound with just time to spare to drink fluid..and yep I’ve got a polyp again..so it’s down that road again.shall put it to the back of my mind till they do it.as they do it without anesthethetic .just an injection in the cervix..that’s no bl..dy good either.still it’s gotta be done
    Back later Chris

    Reply

    • CHRIS…SO SORRY YOU HAVE GOT THE FRIGGING POLYPS BACK AGAIN, BUT IT IS BEING DEALT WITH PROMPTLY WHICH CAN ONLY BE A GOOD THING. I KNOW YOU WILL BE DREADING THE INJECTION, BUT IT WILL BE OVER BEFORE YOU KNOW…….BE BRAVE LOVE, AS I KNOW YOU ARE……LOVE JEN X

      Reply

      • The only thing is Jen the injection is more than useless you still have the rotten pain of having it go thru the cervix and cutting out the polyp . And fiddling after.you almost feel like fainting some do,,so I’m only going to think if it when it happens.ive done it three times before so I’m prepared.it lasts for about half an hour .only thing is.as well I’ve had infections after each one
        Today before they did the scan I had IBS cramps….then when I had to go to loo ,before they put the probe in ,Ihad the runs to the toilet
        All most embarrassing …I’ve been shivering and cold and weak since…dh took my pulse and it was 41 most of day
        It’s funny why I should feel so shook up tho..
        Good job we went to coast yesterday .it was DH birthday today……what a day……oh yes and got woken by those sales idiots selling summat at guess what ..7.30am. Didn’t think they were allowed.but maybe they don’t know the time from the east….
        Cold here and a wind up..gives colder for the weekend
        Hope all well your end
        Chris

      • Chris, it sounds more than unpleasant. Knowing you are prone to infection after the procedure, hopefully they will give you something for it. Would taking probiotics help? I know you have added complication with the IBS and trust you to know your body best. Sorry you have to go through it again. 😦

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