Between age and chronic illness

And keeping pain away

My body is ashamed

It’s betrayed me in all ways.


Everyday it’s something

I thank God that I’m not twins.

Where is the old me, I muse,

Hidden in my chins?


Time, disease and treatment

Have all taken their toll

How are you surviving?

Are you on a downward roll?


Do your boobs hang low?

Can you swing them to and fro?

Can you tie them in a knot?

Or do they hang too low?


For you men out there

You have other goods hang down

Just be careful where you step

Lest they hit the ground.


My ankles are kaput

My feet have both grown flat

My rear end disappeared

Somehow it’s just gone splat.


I was sitting in the bathtub

When my thighs floated to the top

They say it’s just the fat content

When will this destruction stop?


I’m trying to apply the brakes

I’m on the downward slide

My innards and my outers

All make me want to hide.


I have to exercise

Lest I trip and fall

Other days I forget to do it

I think, I can’t recall.


My joints, they are aching

My skin is in a rash

I have to watch all foods I eat

Dinner’s boring, so is my trash.


Everyday I have to trudge along

To keep these joints in shape

And a trip to any doctor

Involves so much red tape.


It seems to me this body

Is not really giving back

I invest in maintenance

And it just gives me flak.


Where’s all the respect

For all those vegetables I ate?

Don’t I get the credit?

I’m due a big rebate.


I wish for one lone day

I could just feel good.

Come on, give me a break

I did everything I should.


Aren’t I supposed to love myself?

Some days it feels like hate.

Maybe I got the wrong body

‘Cause this one isn’t great.


That’s it, I found the answer.

I’ll just return this one.

Perhaps they will pro-rate it

Based on all the work I’ve done.


So I’m off to scan the internet

Maybe EBay or Yahoo

I’ll exchange this body

And end this ballyhoo.


I wonder if a new me is covered,

By Medicare or private pay?

Who am I kidding, I can’t afford

The Fed Ex anyway.


Thus here I sit

Making peace with pieces of me,

Wait, I just remembered,

Amazon has shipping for free!













143 thoughts on “WRECK AND RUIN

  1. Awesome poem! Thank you Sue. I will have to read it again but slower. Hope you are feeling better. I go for my CT scan tomorrow. As soon as I know something I will let you know. Love, Donna

  2. Sue
    Yep…feel like that as well
    I felt sad and giggled in some parts too….life is certainly tragic and smiley at the same time
    I know which path you take and the rest of us try and follow your example on this blog..we all try and see positive .even tho we feel like sh.t
    I wonder what’s happened to my body and when I see old photos it’s another person looking at me.whod have thought I’d be like this….I feel I could just go back to another time and change it all
    Clever and thoughtful …..our poor bodies?l

  3. Oh Sue,  You are really having a rough spell.  I wish I could put you in a healing place where your entire body – physical, emotional, mental, spiritual – could be cushioned and float above all those ills that affect your physical being.  Imagine how you would feel.  We are so much more than our physical bodies. So much more.  You are a Daughter of God, who loves you.  I am in awe of your capacity to sustain yourself and reach above your physical body.  I know you will rise above this rough spell.  I treasure moments of peace and calm.  I sincerely hope you find a path that leads you to wellness.  Prayer, meditation, being in the moment, chicken soup, baking bread, crafts, flowers, whatever it takes.  Do it.  Do whatever truly helps you.  Do what makes your heart sing.  Imagine how you will feel.Fondly,AudreySent from Xfinity Connect Mobile App

  4. Good morning !
    Sue, so true, I can relate. Yes, my boobs hand low and I can swing them to and fro. Never tied them in a knot though. Although a mamo makes them feel like they are. I think, so often, how I would like to wake up one morning, and say I feel good. Just to open my eyes and not feel the pain and the awful feeling just one more time. That is without meds making it that way.
    Had a good birthday yesterday, actually two celebrations. Judy, Rocky and his wife came after church and we had soup and sandwiches and a really good visit. We need to do that more often. Then Nikki, James and the kids came and we did it again. Poor Nikki was so tired. She is working two jobs right now. She needs to find one where she can be home at night with the kiddies.
    Had a nice conversation with my other grands and my son. He has them for his birthday today as well. He is getting his house back, the wife is moving out and getting her an apartment. Answer to prayers, but of course she is doing petty things, like selling his grill and the bunkbeds instead of leaving them for him. Lord Lord, life is sometimes so hard.
    Well, I have procrastinated long enough, I must go out in the frosty air and feed my animals. We are supposed to get rain, then snow today, possibly up to 3 inches. I so hope they are wrong !!
    God bless, have a wonderful day and hope you are feeling better

    • Tonie…..Can’t believe your boobs would hang low enough to tie in a know either, they look pretty perky on your photos….ha ha! I was so pleased to hear you have a lovely day for your birthday, nice to have some family around for the day….poor Nikki, she must be quite worn out with her two jobs, hats off to her for making such an effort.
      Good news about your Son, the wife is being spiteful yes, but so long as the house is in good condition, he can get things back as and when…..
      Hope you don’t get too much snow….love you
      Jen xx

    • Tonie, I’m going to let the mistype of your “boobs hand low” pass without comment. Now, aren’t you glad? I’m pleased you were so surrounded by family on your birthday. Sounds like you all ate very well. I can only imagine and remember how tired Nikki is working two jobs and then coming home to kids and housework. Hope the kids help out quite a bit. I am pleased your son is getting his house back. How about the kids? Don’t they need those bunkbeds to live there or at least when they visit? I am so sorry for that family that they are going through this whole mess and all the heartache.
      Hope you don’t get that three inches or at least any more than that.
      Things here about the same. Went to Costco with Jim yesterday for the first time in over a year and had to go to the car. That’s just too much. I need to go for a walk more often but Costco was a bit of an overkill.
      Hope you don’t feel older but wiser. Love you, Sue

      • Sue
        Yeah, handing low is a bit much. Lol. Yeah, dial is being spiteful and taking advantage of the fact he doesn’t want any more confrontation. He could stop her if he tried, but he won’t . Yes they will need the beds, but she doesn’t care. He just finished paying for them and the new couch, etc that she is taking. The kids , he is working on that as well. They will def be better with him, not because he is my son, but because they will be better cared for.
        Just a skim of snow so far, but 2-3 inches supposedly over night
        Hopefully you will get your strength back and be walking Coatco by spring.
        Love ya

  5. Sue,,,,thank you for such a delightful blog…….I am glad to be back with everyone, but other strange things are happening on my pc now, so I am hoping I will be around for a bit longer before something else goes wrong…..but maybe the gremlins will not return…we are having dreadful storms right now, we were awake all night, all the chairs were in the pond when we got up, the poor dog is scared stiff, and was clomping up and down the stairs all night….had the diagnosis for the lump on my foot, a nodule on my tendon on the arch, need an echo next month to be sure……..had the mammogram done also, now the anxiety for the next three weeks.
    The new blog certainly got me thinking, its all going south now, but not the sense of humour, and neither is it for you by the sound of it.
    I hope you are surviving the last lot of shots dear friend, and also the dreaded journey…….was anything said at the hospital, as to how you were getting on??
    Hope this post and the other get on, or I am going to flip my lid….fingers crossed…..love you dear friend…Jen x

    • Jennie! Good to see you back on with more than a one liner! Fingers crossed it is now past and these new gremlins move along on their own! Will keep you in thought and prayer re that mammo. What can/is to be done about the nodule? I know they can be a painful nuisance Take care, my dear.

      • Hi Lyn,
        Not much to be done, it can be operated on, but complications, a shot could rupture the tendon, until the Echo next month, I can do nothing, the Doctor will advise me….there is a gel that can shrink it possibly, doesn’t work for everyone, but maybe I will get lucky……yes I will take care, the same to you my friend…..x

    • Hurray, Jennie is back with us. Cursed computers. Hope your PC isn’t going to misbehave again any time soon. So much frustration in those things. My printer has pooped out and I guess I have to get a new one. Hate that because I’m so technologically challenged.
      Yes, actually as far as my last visit to the oncologist my cancer tumor on the skin and the cancer count are going down. That’s great. I am having trouble with the rheumy stuff with my shoulders. Have to have an appt. to have my right shoulder socket injected. Hope it helps. I need my right arm and right now I’m compromised.
      As I think I told you on FB I have a nodule on the bottom of my foot and another on my achilles tendon. I know there is a certain amount of anxiety and if you’re having pain, perhaps they can give you an injection or shrink it. Mammo’s are awful, aren’t they? Hate them. Good to have you back with us. Much love, Sue

      • Hi Sue…..Yes its good to be back amongst friends, I hope it lasts, this laptop is doing very strange things.
        Oh what good news Sue, that’s great, oh heck! that is a tender spot to have a shot in, but if it gives relief, and the fact that you are right handed, well there is no option really is there?
        The nodule is manageable at the moment, I have heard tell they can get bigger, but then I read that you can push them back yourself, which gives some relief…..we will see after the echo.
        How is your weather in Oregon? Its crazy here, unpleasant, we have lived here since 2007, and never seen flooding like this, but we are high and ok.
        Take care dear friend…I love you x

  6. Dear Sue, Great poem. I can really relate to it. It would be great to wake up just once to no pain It’s true that my pain is seldom severe, but it never goes away even with meds. It wears on the nerves after while. One must never lose ones sense of humor or it would become impossible. Thanks for being here for us. Love and gentle hugs from Janet

    • Janet, I thought we could all relate to these thoughts. Sometimes it helps the actual pain to lighten up the load with humor, don’t you think? Yesterday at Costco I would have welcomed a coma, then when I came home and succumbed to the heating pad, life got much better. Do take care dear friend. Love, Sue

  7. Sue, entertaining, humorous, and somewhat truthful 😮 read. Is this one written a while ago? I seem to recall it or one similar – familiar lines. Regardless, it certainly rings true today.

    Tonie, when that rain/snow is through with you it is apparently headed this way. I think we are forecast about 3″ as well. Glad you had twice the celebrating! I know things aren’t ideal for your kiddos, but look on the bright side, they are looking up from previous time. 😉

    • Lyn, stay well with that snow heading toward you. We actually had sun today and Jim washed his car. So nice. When are the new floors going to be installed. Know you’ve over done because that’s a huge job, moving everything around. Be good to yourself. Love, Sue

  8. Sue this hit the perfect day. I was at a rheumatologist appointment this morning (early ugh). Prior provider new practice. I had to fill over a dozen papers, I refused a few things and before I even walked into the building I called my insurance to make sure that the doctor was still covered. He wasn’t impressed that My care was dropped by the previous practice after he had left and that I haven’t had my biological infusion since November. No lab work follow up of abnormal labs in 4 months. Fortunately he had my most recent labs and I could give detailed information. I would order a new exterior, spine and feet. A new left wrist would help too. I’ve ordered so many things on Amazon, I’m suprised if prosthetics aren’t on there lol. I don’t recognize myself in the rare photo that is taken, and just don’t look in the single mirror present in my house. I want a do over. I’ve been active all my life, excercise still, never smoked and look at me…ugh.

    • Laura, I wrote you a couple of hours ago but it fled into the ether. Let’s try it again. I am so pleased you have a new doc and it sounds like you like him. I can imagine he would be surprised and appalled you did not have a recent infusion. I have a feeling you are feeling more secure. Will he give you Humira? Wasn’t that your infusion of choice?
      As far as Amazon, I can speak for experience that I have ordered burn dressings, fake boobs and am always surprised by what they sell. Bet they do sell prosthetics to some degree, huh? Hope you’re resting now after a trying and tiring day. Now you’re hopefully in good hands. Sigh of relief. Later, let us know how it goes. Love, Sue

      • Sue it was actually the rheumy I had been seeing up to last summer just in a new practice. He had sold his practice to a local hospital who then told him how to practice medicine so he left. The practice was a wreck, over 700 clients left. He was not impressed at all that I’d missed 3 orencia infusions to this point and no follow up on labs that had been ordered. (My PCP and I did watch however). I suspect I’ll have resumed infusions in a week or so. He was pleased to see me and a more grown up (bigger) Remi.

  9. Lynlee our barometer has dropped for the last 20 hours or so and it just started snowing here, supposed to get lake effect in addition to storm…so nice. (Note sarcasm). Nessie is having issues (gut) so I’m going out with her frequently. Love doing that in foul weather. Poor old baby. She has some neck issues so I want to make sure she doesn’t fall and not be able to get back in …. She’s worth any kind of inconvenience for all she’s done for me in her service dog work.

    • Laura, I am also sorry to hear about your wonderful Nessie. I hope she doesn’t have a serious issue with the gut and it passes…no pun intended…quickly. She’s so dear to all of us we feel like we truly know her. Love, Sue

  10. Lol!! Excellent my friend!! I can so relate to most of this! Laughter, they say, is the best medicine!!😊 I appreciate you!

  11. Good morning all:
    a little skift of snow on the ground here and colder temps. Joy Joy. My body is not happy, but I have been lazy all morning. I do need to get something done today. It is supposed to get WAY cold this weekend, so probably another week here with no church. As long as the wind doesn’t get going I seem to be pretty much ok, Just so ready for spring and all the better feelings for my body it brings.
    Hoping all of you have a wonderful day. Lyn, look out it is headed your way !!

    • Tonie…..Hope the bad weather stays away, but if it comes, keep cosy, and don’t go out unless you have to…..except for the animals of course.
      The church will still be there when its safe to go.
      I too am ready for Spring my friend, the flowers that are out are being battered to kingdom come with the high winds we are having, its bad, my poor dog is stressed out with all the banging shutters and stuff going bump in the night…we all need some sunshine……God bless x

    • Tonie, I saw some daffodils popping up out of the ground yesterday and that along with thousands of camellia blooms tells me spring is coming. We haven’t had the winter you’ve had, just rain, but it is encouraging. I hope the thoughts of your own spring arriving will keep you fortified and a bit warmer on those trips out to feed the critters. I know your body is not happy but gees, if we had to please our bodies we’re be running around in a purple funk all the time. They always tell us to listen to our bodies…well, that’s crap. I often have to tell my body to shut up.
      Hang in there this weekend. Love you, Sue

  12. Jen
    I know it’s difficult to press it in on the foot
    But DH has one on palm and he keeps pushing that in ,sore ,but it’s better than developing a claw hand
    Could you try rolling it on a tennis ball
    Went out but had to come back today Dh no good

  13. Well I think our wreck and ruin statue is lovely….you can see that she looks charming and regal and was a beauty in her day ,………

    The new carer for my dad is good so far …..gets on well with my dad and seems all round good.i went to see her and she is experienced and responsible. My dad was concerned with the other one going but he is happy there they went out today…she takes him to town in the wheelchair ..took him to the barbers today…going to the park tomorrow ..she loves walking so it fits in. She won’t take him in the scooter as he falls asleep while he’s on it!
    SHe rings and tells me what’s going on with the nurses who come to see him…..so long may it all continue
    Sunny day today and gives it good tomorrow too
    I see the snow in New Hampshire on TV with elections there

    • Chris, I agree about your Dad’s caregiver. So far so good. It’s good that she likes to walk and will be getting him out and busy. Now we’ll see how they do with the TV, food, etc. Hope she’s a good cook. How kind and efficient of her to call you with updates.
      I’m concerned about your DH. Is it a B/P problem? He has such a time, sure wish they could find the right mix of meds for him. Hope you’re doing okay. Love, Sue

      • Sue
        He got very breathless it scared him..so we came home
        Just that one event
        Came home..seems ok now see how it gives

      • Tonie
        The lady in picture at the top of blog … I imagine…she looks like as if she could be a statue

        …..yea he seems good in her company as well.
        Just keep an eye on his clothes being changed and washed and him kept clean
        You keep warm

  14. Hello, folks. Yes, Bobsled and Tonie, the snow did come today and along with it aches, including a headache I couldn’t shake, and that to the bone chill. Beautiful snowfall, not so fun snow effects. 😦 Still snowing now and supposed to get cold here like Tonie.
    Yes, Sue, the floor is going in! Yesterday they put in subfloor in the dining room and studio to bring all the floor we are replacing to level. Today they laid the flooring in the dining room and replaced the trim and almost completed the same in the studio. They stopped a bit early due to the snow. The roads were starting to get slick and both to return to the flooring store then a half hour drive to their respective homes ahead. They will return tomorrow and begin laying flooring in the entry, hall, kitchen, and half bath as well as the last bit in the studio, Well, we’ll see how far they can get. There are actually a lot of cuts in those areas, so they may well need 2 days to complete that. We are pleased with it so far. We would move the dining room furniture back tonight, but don’t have the little pads to put under the furniture yet. Didn’t feel like going out tonight for them in the snow.
    Chris, good news – dad and current carer. I hope it continues.

    • Lyn, that’s going to be so beautiful. It’s going to look so spacious with new flooring, or at least I’m guessing it will. I know it’s a lot of lifting and rearranging but just think how clean everything will be. Do stay warm and as well as you can dear girl. Love, Sue

    • Lyn, I am with you on the snow effects. I feel /felt like a train wreck all day. Fought it the best I could, but ended up with a nap at 3 Could have just kept sleeping I think, but had to go and feed the animals. I hope I feel better tomorrow, it is my swim day and I have to go check on the house. Also need to go to Walmart.
      Well, we will see huh ? Hope you feel better too my friend. Your new floor sounds exciting.
      Love ya

  15. Jennie, I do hope they can come up with a comfortable way for you to walk with the nodule. I, like Chris’s DH have them on my hands as well but just keep moving them. I’ve never heard of pushing them but don’t see how it can hurt unless you’re pressing on a nerve. Boy, life just keeps wrecking us doesn’t it? But remember, it can’t ruin us unless we give our consent and we do not. I know they can do surgery for the nodules but they can grow back and you can get more so often that is why the rheumy always asks me, “Is it really worth going through a surgery?” Hate those kind of questions. Good to have you back. Maybe it’s your new Microsoft 10 that’s causing trouble. Isn’t that what you upgraded? You see, I don’t know enough about all this to even ask the right questions. Oh where would I be on the blog without Natalie? Nowhere is the answer to that. Love you dear lady Sue

    • Hi Sue….yes I did upgrade to windows 10, and I hate it, but loved windows XP, but to go back to that would mean admitting I am crap at technology, so trying to be down with the kids…..lol.
      Speaking of kids, they have had a rough time where they now live in Cornwall, Claire said the sand from their local beach, blew the sand up to the village and all but covered the pub, they also felt the house shaking during the wet and windy weather……us too here in France, worst I have seen in a long time.
      No Sue, you are right, surgery is not for me so not giving permission…….

      I hope everyone is coping with whatever weather is thrown your way, and you all keep safe, soon the worst will be over, and some warmth for our bones should be along soon…………….wishful thinking??????

      • Hi Jennie, sorry the kids got initiated in Cornwall by a sand storm. Gees. They certainly didn’t need anymore stress. How is Tim doing?
        What a time all of you have had and I know that feeling of the house shaking in the wind and it is awesome in a strange way. Sorry to hear the new spring blooms are getting hammered. Hope that storm has passed through now. Warm, dry weather would be nice but for us it is only a dream. We just live with all the rain and are thankful it isn’t snow. We do get sun breaks which is nice. Be sure to let us know the latest with the nodules and the mammogram. Love you, Sue

  16. Good morning ;
    Hope everyone is warm and healthy this morning. We have a little more snow and it is colder. I used my water in the kitchen this morning, went to feed, and came back and the kitchen is frozen. WHoppee ! No where else just the cold in the kitchen. I didn’t sleep good last night, so not sure I can make my swim today, but I am going to go and try. I will go on to check on the house and then on to swim. At least do what I can do. It is snowing some still here, but mostly just cold.,
    Have a great day all
    Love to all

    • Hi Sue and everyone, I see a lot of you have snow again. We have had a few flurries but nothing sticking to the ground. It has been cold. We, like a lot of you, are going to get colder this coming weekend and first of next week. Maybe some snow on Monday.
      I hurt so badly. Tonight at the supper table I had one of those chills that you just can’t get warm from. I have no idea why either. My DH had to get a blanket and wrap it around me. I finally got warm. I hate those to the bone chills where you can’t stop shaking! On Monday I had to get out at 7:45 to go for my abdominal CT scan and be there by 8:30 AM. Then at 9:00 had to drink a large cup of contrast. It is different from when I have had it in the past. It was not chalky but in water and I chose the lemonade flavor. It tasted just like lemonade until I got to the last two sips then it was horrible. I had 45 minutes to drink that then had to wait 45 minutes to have the 5 minute scan. At least I didn’t have to change clothes. I still haven’t heard from the doctor yet. I am guessing it isn’t anything serious or I would have been called right away. If I don’t hear by tomorrow afternoon I will call them. I will let you all know something as soon as I know. So, cold and snowy or rain and wind is what we are all going through along with the pain right now! I like all of you are looking forward to spring!
      Jennie Poo, I am so glad you are back on the blog! We have all missed you so very much. I pray that everyone gets a good night’s sleep and not hurt too badly tomorrow!
      As you know yesterday was Fat Tuesday! The day before Ash Wednesday. My husband and myself both come from a family of Germans. So on Shrove Tuesday, as we call it, we bake Fastnauchts which are like donuts. So I have the job of making the yeast dough, letting it rise, then roll it out into different shapes and letting it rise again. When my husband comes in from work then he deep fries them. That is our supper along with bacon and powdered sugar or Maple syrup. They were absolutely the best I have made yet! I know why I am feeling bad and hurting so badly now. The kneading of the dough and cutting them out (over 50) is not easy. Glad it is only once a year! My mother in law showed me how to make them 3 years before she died. I think my husband is going to try his hand at making bread loaves with the dough recipe. He was asking me questions tonight. I sure hope so. Anyway, I love all of you and everyone try and stay warm and dry! Will be thinking about each of you and praying. Love, Donna

      • Donna, sounds like they didn’t mix the medium properly before they gave it to you. Hope they at least chilled it. I just never finish the two bottles they want you to drink. Prayers the results are okay. DOn’t you hate those metal tables? Your baking sounds so tasty now I’m hungry. Surely there is an easier way to go. Indeed, I get those chills when I’m exhausted and you’re right. It takes a heating pad or two, a room heater and two large dogs to get warm. Hope you’re better now. Funny how our traditions are so valuable to hang onto. Hang in there and do stay warm if you get any of that white stuff. Love, Sue

    • Tonie, well, how did it go? I do get concerned about your driving those slick roads. Hope things were good at the house you needed to check on and also hope you got into a warm pool and moved around a bit. Hope you came home to a defrosted kitchen. DId you mean the water source again? Wasn’t quite clear to me. Do be good to you as you wait for spring. Love, Sue

      • Sue
        All is well. My water was frozen in the kitchen. It thawed later in the afternoon. I left everything dripping since. Today the wind is howling, very strong gusts, and I have put off going out as long as I can. Now I must finish my coffee and go feed and water. At least the sun is out. We were supposed to get a lot of snow, but thankfully it didn’t come. But they are calling for more on Monday.
        Oh well. Now I must venture out, at least I have enough ballast to not be blown away ! I will carry my phone in case

  17. Hello…….

    Sue….Claire put a photo of the pub covered in sand, just a narrow strip of the roof on view, know I shouldn’t but couldn’t stop laughing…oh well!!
    Not heard from Tim for a few days, scan coming up for him 17th March, might get a chat when he goes to his Dad’s in London this weekend, still waiting for their house phone…..hoping no news is good news.
    Nodule painful today, there are shoes available for this problem, but so expensive, don’t think I can stretch to those prices.
    How is everything with you my friend? xx

    Tonie…..what a drag, a frozen kitchen, how come? Must be a fault somewhere if the rest of your home is warm…..hope you soon feel up to a swim, take care in the snow love won’t you? xx

    Donna……Fastnauchts not so strange to me, my Grandmother was German, my Dad Dutch, I am used to the types of food there, the National dish of ham and pea soup…..wow!!
    My DH used to make all our bread, but now he is busy getting the garden ready for Spring, that’s the end of that, bread making is not my forté I’m afraid.
    Sorry you are hurting bad Donna, I wish you well, and hope that you are now recovered from your horrible CT scan. xx

    Chris……everything ok? saw the David Cameron visit you spoke about….interesting, hope your DH is feeling better now, and you are not in too much pain….keep in touch…….xx

    Have a good day all….love and hugs……Jennie xx

    • Jennie, It is a bit of a humorous pic in the mind to imagine a pub totally covered. I can just see a lot of the regulars out there with shovels and wheelbarrows working their way in and a long arm holding a bottle Guinness sticking up out of the sand. Sorry Tim has to wait so long for the scan but hope they are getting settle into their new place. They’d better get a home phone in soon or you are going to go
      into Mom withdrawal.
      Have you thought about getting a second opinion about the nodules on the bottom of your foot. Thought of you today as Beth and I went out to look at shoes. I rarely go anywhere anymore and it was a pleasure to go out with my girl. She found some great slippers on sale and I, a neat pair of leather sandals; however I have to rough up the bottom of the soles which are leather and too slippery right now. Guess I’ll use some sandpaper. They’re SAS brand which I always find comfy; used to wear their nursing shoes.
      All this talk lately about nodules reminds me of ancient times, early in my nursing career when the doctors would break open ganglion cysts which were full of fluid by hitting them. I guess they used to use a heavy book and called it “Bible therapy” because that was usually the thickest, heaviest book most people had. Strange, huh? Now it’s passe. Jen, what do the special shoes do? Do they pad the foot? Do take care and let’s hope all of the gardening DH is doing will make up for the loss of good homebaked bread. Love ya, Sue

      • Hi Sue……Yes I did find the photo of the pub humorous too, the bottle of guiness would be replaced with a bottle of red where Claire is concerned, she likes her wine that lass.
        I am already in Mom withdrawal, its been over a year since a Tim visit……not happy.
        I would get a second opinion Sue, but not had a first one yet, I expect I will get one when the echo has been done, that’s what my Doc said.
        The nodule is on the instep, I think the idea with shoes is to give the foot a bit of a lift at the instep so it stretches the nodule somewhat. There is a sole instep to be had for shoes, but don’t know how that would work in a sandal.
        I am glad you got yourself some nice comfy sandals, I have to rough up the inside of posh clogs like that too.
        All the primula’s are out at the side of the road here now, I always look forward to that, they are spread over the entire embankment in a haze of yellow……gorgeous.
        Well I am off to give my foot a whack with the family Bible now…..you never know!!!!
        Love you

  18. Jennie, I pray you get to see Tim soon. I’ve worn various insoles over the years and with sandals they always slide out the back unless you can stick them in with a double sided tape of sorts. Believe it or not but I used to work for a doctor who would break the ganglionic cysts with a small stainless steel surgical hammer. They don’t do that anymore and I know yours isn’t of that variety…at least it doesn’t sound like it. Just thought that was interesting. Love ya, Sue

    • Hi Sue……I don’t know when Tim and Claire will be able to come out here to France, maybe in the Summer….
      Regarding sandals, I found a site that make them for problem feet, something to investigate at a later date.
      \it will be interesting to see what is said and advised when the echo is done.
      Love you too Sue…..Jen x

      • Jennie, How soon will you have the echo? Have you tried any inserts yet? Maybe just a simple foam one from Dr. Scholl’s would help. You can cut those to fit. I know that will be a happy day when you get to see the kids.
        Don’t you often feel we have so many problems you don’t know which way to turn? That’s how I have felt lately. SO much going on. Later, Love ya, Sue

  19. I had a ganglion on top of my left hand…one day I noticed it had gone ..I looked at my right hand and I had got one there..probably been there and I hadn’t noticed.
    Dad causing problems..the carer useless…. She’s notBut she won’t lift him and I suppose the other one did..they are not supposed to on their own
    But she says they are doing ok.she has two hour breaks in the day .the other one didn’t .so I had to organise a help to sit in for two hrs a day..starts on Monday ..so see how that goes
    I don’t know if all is ok for him as when he said she doesn’t lift him I said well dad it may take two really and maybe a home might be the answer now,,,well no further comment he says all is ok…but I think he is covering up how he feels and I wish I hadnt said that now
    Been to Drs today have to go for blood tests and send a midstream off..dH at Drs on Monday for breathlessness .and oddly his bp has gone low with less meds…odd
    Very cold here and gives snow on its way in a few days

    • Chris, I guess you knew your Dad would not like his situation just because the caregiver changed. I feel sorry for him and know what a stress factor it is for you. This one didn’t last very long before he got unhappy did she? I wouldn’t feel too badly about what you said to him about going into a home because it is a fact. I know it’s a painful one but it might make him try harder. I don’t know what he weighs but know one person should not be lifting him alone. Does he walk by himself at all now? What a worry and sorrow old age can be.
      Why do they think your DH is having the breathless issue? Is it his lungs or his heart? And the B/P going down. Oh it’s all a confusing picture. I’ll keep him in my thoughts and prayers. Chris I have been wondering why you haven’t written as much and hope you are feeling okay yourself but see what a full plate you have. Love you, Sue

      • Well I used to write a lot at night..like now.when awake
        And when I had my headaches I used to think the bright light on my iPad was not helping
        But also my pelvis area is sore and bladder joining in!
        Also I feel so tired all the time ..not a proper tired ..but I could lie in bed and still feel exhausted .dr doing blood tests on Monday .and probably have to go for scans on bladder
        Went around my dads yesterday to give him £200 he wanted ,then he rang for another £100 last nite..he didn’t know why ,or wouldn’t tell me…but he was having coffee with that lady next door and her daughter when I went there…..just my mind working overtime !
        I had a word with the carer without naming anyone just giving money away generally..said she would keep an eye on things.
        No he can’t walk at all now
        He can stand and move one step with his walker.but has to have someone by him as he has no control with how he is
        DH sees Dr on Monday
        Still regret saying that tho it plays on my mind..it just got me at a bad time..as that day he rang me about every 30 mins and I have such trouble understanding him and I should have been more sympathetic instead of how it was. Can’t take it back

    • Chris…….I can understand your Dad’s carer not wanting to lift him, as a two handed carry must be used to lift a patient no matter what their weight, the reason I have back problems is because I had to lift patients on my own when working as an occupational therapist, owing to staff shortages, and its been downhill for me ever since.
      I hope it works out for your Dad, and he feels comfortable wherever he ends up…..he has to be happy.
      Same temperatures here, enough to freeze the b……..s off a brass monkey……take care love……Jen x

  20. Chris
    Dear girl, please be sure to tell your dr all the stree you are under. Stress is the biggest factor for me in making me tired, aching and just feeling awful. I hope you find the answer, but I know whe. I got away from my job it really helped me greatly. You have no idea how much it is stressing you with your dad, your do health, and all the other things. Do something for you. Turn off your phone for half a day and go get a massage

  21. Tonie
    Thankyou. I was uplifted when I read your words..you don’t know by how much
    Just the words facing you make it real…I’ll think of a way and the phone is a good start
    I didn’t think the stress was sufficient for the problem..but it grows so slowly till you just except it as the norm
    Cheers tonie

    • Chris dear, oh my. Life has been taking little bites out of you and each of us knows what that feels like. Tonie and Lyn are right. Do whatever will bring you relief like getting out to do something you enjoy, reading one of your books or just sleeping if you can. As far as all that is going on with your Dad, please don’t feel badly for being the adult in the situation. You know the neighbor has taken money before so you’re probably right about that. You know in your heart how much your Dad misses his old self and all you can do is what will comfort him but keep him safe at the same time. Sometimes, as we each know you have to take care of yourself first or there will be none of you left to care for anyone else. Remember how important your own life is, too.
      I hope DH is seeing the doctor regularly about his breathlessness. It is a concern, especially with his B/P acting unusually. I know he also shares your stress. Isn’t it wonderful that you have the beach house to escape to very soon?
      I’ve had more stress than usual for the last year or so and know it can zap you and leave you empty.. I suspect that deep fatigue you’re feeling is from that but hope your getting the surgery over will also help. Know you are loved by each of us. Sue

      • Sue
        Yep dh sees the Dr on Monday
        I’ve got to go for bloods and put in a urine sample
        Also dh has his inr to do
        Then a few phone calls for my dad
        His cancer spot on his nose op..they gave him an appt for 7.30 well the ambulance will,pick him up at 6.30 am….well with wetting everything at night he has to have a shower.and he can’t really move it means up at 5am to take his Parkinson’s meds so he can move to do it .so,that’s all blimmin stupid so got to rearrange it…!!
        Also have to arrange another person to go in to help the carer shower him every day
        It takes so much time up ,by the time they get the message then ring back then deal with it…Or NoT!
        So yea..am going to rest or go out tomorrow .somewhere different
        But it’s cold at moment gives snow etc
        Bring it on I feel like summat different to fight for a change!!
        Not really….

      • Chris, read about your Dad taking that extra half of a sleeper. It explains a lot. Poor man is trying to find some answers and obviously doesn’t see the dangers. Glad your DH has a doctor’s appt.
        Oh yes, you need a few more challenges…maybe you could take up tennis…ho, ho, ho. I seriously do see what you mean about the prep to get your Dad ready to go so early in the AM. There are portable machines that lift a patient and you might ask about one of those. Some have a sling like seat for going into the shower. They are designed to keep the patient safe as well as save the back of the caregiver. I know how fatiguing it can be to have so many irons in the fire. Just take them one at a time sweet friend and hopefully they will get back to you in a timely manner. Love, Sue

  22. Hi everyone. I FINALLY got my orencia infusion on Thursday. It was a challenge including helping fill out the orders as the clinic my rheumy is with now has never filled out that paperwork before. The infusion clinic pharmacist was awesome at expediting the orders so while I visited with a friend (she’s there for an infusion for MS) they got my stuff dealt with and my IV started while they finished hers lol.
    Chris I agree with everyone about the stress. My disease was rapidly progressing until I stopped working and I still am sicker during stressful times. If your dad going into a care home (and it sounds like it’s an appropriate setting from me as another nurse) than that’s probably what should occur.
    I hope everyone is doing fairly well. I know I’m a bit out of the loop.

    • Hi Laura
      Glad you got your infusion after all that bother
      I found out today why my dad is like he is at the moment he bullied the new carer into an extra half a sleeping pill!
      He is falling forward and sleeping all day,can’t move to wash.or pick up his head
      So I said only the one tonight..he won’t like it.but he is in danger of falling and is so bad .thankyou for your thoughts

  23. Morning all
    Well thank God we didn’t get the snow (yet) but the wind is gusting so strong the horses are standing with one leg forward to keep on balance. It is very cold, and of course I feel like someone beat me up overnight. I made me some comfort food this morning though, buckwheat pancakes with blueberries and turkey bacon. So yumme. I was going to go see my son and help him clean his house he got back, but no go today.
    My FM called me the other day and asked me did I want to go back to Az to live ! I told hi. It would make no difference, it gets cold there too and the extreme heat does the same thing. But sweet of him to know that. His town is so full of refugees, he says there are military everywhere. Women and children begging for money. i guess because they are right on the German border.
    Well, the search for gas relief is still on. I got beano, and charcoal caps, it has reduced it, and no more drinking out of a straw all the time. Donna your cooking sounds so good. I loved living in Germany, all the bakeries, and back then I could eat it.
    Jennie poo, I didn’t know your boy moved again, I missed that somehow. I hope his scans come back clean. I know how it scares you. I can’t believe flowers re out there already. I can’t wait til next month and it starts warming up
    Lyn, hope you are feeling ok with all the weather changes. I know it is hard, it is the same here.
    Sue hope you are doing good this weekend. I am glad you got out with Beth, I know you miss doing those things
    Take few all of you in the cold

    • Hi, Tonie, yes, we are getting much the same weather as you are. It is extremely cold today and very windy. Sadie got a short walk yesterday, but today is out of the question, I believe. Silly dog still goes out back, but I make sure she doesn’t stay out too long. I’ve been thinking of your horses. I feel bad that they don’t have a barn or shed to escape into. 😦 I know, they are probably hardier than I think, but they still cross my mind. Took a quick look at my phone which informed me it is 16*F out right now with wind chill of -6*F. BRRRRR! Not going out unless I have to.

      • Lyn, But that sounds terrible. That kind of cold with the wind chill factor that low? Sadie is a braver dog than George wanting to be out in it. I do hope your schedule allows for you to stay in and just snuggle today. Knowing you there is something delicious yet simple planned for dinner and you also have a good book. All you can do is take care of yourself and wait it out. Much love, Sue

    • Tonie, oh dear but you are cold. I’m so sorry because I know how miserable that makes you. Let’s all hope that snow stays away. THe wind sounds very miserable and the poor horses. Sounds so gusty it could carry the chickens away. Yes, it was sweet and thoughtful of your FM to ask about where you should live for your health. I’m so sorry to hear he is having such a terrible time in his village and the general area. How awful the whole refugee crisis is in Europe and perhaps will be here. Tragic for everyone who has been displaced and those who are faced with the new problem now.
      Yes, I wish I felt like getting out more often with Beth but it’s always something with my health plus her work and the kids. They were here after school yesterday. I had rented the film THE MARTIAN and GS and Jim and I watched it. Good film and so well done. I understand NASA even approved it because it was so accurate in the space aspects. BRIDGE OF SPIES, with Tom Hanks was also excellent. Based on a true story.
      Hope you can stay in today and be safe and warm Thinking of you. I’m much the same just wrestling with some medicine issues with new insurance when Jim retires. I may have to change some of my meds to get cheaper ones. Hate that. Later, much love, Sue

    • Tonie….not sure where you got that my boy has moved again, he still lives in Cornwall where he moved August last year…..could be I may have said he and Claire are in London at the moment, visiting his Dad…..he will be back in Cornwall on Monday. The scan will be done on 17th March, I will be talking to him tomorrow to see how he is doing.
      Yes love, there are many flowers out right now, we had the odd day of sunshine which brought them on early I guess.
      Glad you are still getting to chat to your guy, each day is a day less to wait…….look after yourself my friend, good luck with the house cleaning, I bet your Son really appreciates that…..you are a great Mom ….Jennie Poo x

      • Hello everyone, sounds like everyone is dealing with something as usual with us. I hate it for everyone but it is comforting to know we are not alone. I have not been on here as many years as all of you but in the few years I have been and getting to know each of you, has changed my life. I always felt so alone and so depressed. I felt like no one cared and I had no one to talk to . I can’t say thank you enough for the friendships that have developed. It feels like I have known you all for a very long time. We have never met but it doesn’t feel like it. I love all of you very much. Thank you for your friendships!
        I pray that every problem or need that each of you have will be solved or met by God!
        I got the results of my CT scan yesterday and all is good! Praise God! I was really scared my kidney was in bad shape or my ovary had cancer. My doctor said all clear. There wasn’t anything to cause the pain I am having and she suspected it was pain coming from the back or bursitis in the hip again. So the next time I see my pain management doctor, I am going to ask for another injection in my hip and see if the pain eases up again like last time. If it does then I will know that it is the same thing as last time. Backs can cause any kind of pain. It can be a problem in one area and cause referred pain somewhere else. So we will see. Right now I am cold. A lot of rooms in our house aren’t insulated so when it is cold outside it remains pretty cold in the house. We have a good heater but it is a heat pump so the air is not good and warm like most heaters. When the temperature gets to a certain degree, then the gas kicks in and the air coming out is nice and warm. We wear warm clothing and sweaters to keep from turning it up high. I have an electric throw so that helps.

  24. Page #2 I don’t know what happened but it posted before I finished. I just was saying how cold it is. We are getting down in the teens tonight and ice and snow tomorrow and Monday. I won’t be going out. Back in the 50’s on Tuesday! So whatever sticks will melt. I am going upstairs to bed so I will say goodnight and Hope all of you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day! Stay warm and I love all of you! Sending (((HUGS))) FOR EVERYONE!! This is part 2!
    I Hope this post under the other one! Donna

    • Hi Donna, the first post didn’t turn up for me until today. At least it is now on here. I’m glad your scan was clear and hope you can get to the bottom of the pain problem. We also live in an older home that is not insulated so I know what you mean about the heat. We have three oil filled heaters in three rooms and try not to overuse our forced air heat as well. Gets kind of pricey, I know. Won’t it be great for all of you in the east and south when spring finally arrives. We have had a very mild, usually wet winter out here in the NW. Good to hear from you. Fondly, Sue

  25. Happy Valentines Day to all my loves on this blog. Like Donna I don’t know how I would have gotten through the last years without you all. Some have come and gone, but a lot of use have been here and are staying. I love you all. Wishes for a good day for you all.
    It is still cold here as well. They are calling for snow whew tomorrow as well, but I hope it shows up like the snow on Friday. I got my cabinets painted yesterday. It looks much brighter and bigger. I went with just the doors painted and leaving the wood surrounding it as it is. It is a mild green, bright, but not too bright. Kinda moss green. Anyway, I felt better. Something accomplished. Now I want to work on a quilt that my mother started but didn’t t finish. She has been gone since I was 24 so you can imagine how old it is.
    Now, I ,use buck up and go out in the cold and feed the horses.
    Love to you all

    • Hi Tonie…….I like the sound of your cabinets, I also like the fact you are keeping busy, and I love the fact that you are finishing the quilt your Mom started all those years go, I can imagine you stitching away thinking of her. The photo you put on f/b with the horses waiting to be fed in the snow, was great, is the snow still so deep? Hope you don’t get any more now, but I guess it could happen, we had some last night, but once again it didn’t lay.
      I hope you are enjoying your “Downton” DVD’s and the kitchen is done with freezing, did you ever get to the bottom of why that kept happening??
      Take care my friend……love you….Jennie xx

      • Jennie:
        Yep the snow is still deep, but we are supposed to get rain starting tonight and into tomorrow, hopefully it will get rid of it. Then we will have a massive mud pit. 🙂 I LOVED Downton Abby, classy way to end it. I got side tracked on the quilt. I started on a baby blanket for one of our neighbors. They have a new granddaughter. Her husband is always good to come and take care of Judy, and he scrapes our driveways, everyone in the neighborhood, whenever it snows. Hope ya’all are warm too.
        Take care

    • Tonie, bet you are working your way through the last season of Downton Abby. It was so good. I loved it and Beth borrowed my copy and watched it twice. So sorry it’s so cold for you right now and I do get concerned. All that you’re up to sounds so wonderful. The cabinets look great and your Mom’s quilt…well, that’s just so special. I love it. Some things are difficult to describe in their value and sentiment for us all.
      Glad you heard from your FM for Valentine’s Day..how nice of him. We had a quiet day here. Me with gut trouble, Jim having to work a bit. Rained all weekend but nothing like what you’ve been fighting with the snow. HAng in there and know we all love you. Sue

    • Hi Tonie…..what a nice way to get side tracked, its a lovely thing to do for a new little one, and so kind of you, I agree it was a very classy way to end the “Downton” series, can’t believe that’s it, can you? Not never, no more…….Aw!!
      We are warm enough, and we actually have sun today, even though its cold, its welcome…..love to you my friend…Jennie xx

  26. Sue
    You still got gut trouble ..it never goes does it?…it rumbles on with its own life
    That’s marvellous you picking up the quilt your mum used to do…what must you feel ..it must be connecting there somewhere ..the past and future combined.
    We got a dusting of snow this morning..cold now tonite
    Well dh had to have a load of blood tests and chest X-ray .and there was me as well there having mine!
    He’s not too good
    Well try and get some sleep

  27. Hi everyone, well Tonie, the Facebook picture of the horses is beautiful, but made me cold to see them out in the elements! Maybe next year they will have a barn to get into when it is bad. Could you put blankets on them? My neighbor has horses and I noticed on Friday they had blankets on them. They have a barn! I thought last summer you were putting in posts for a shed I thought was for the horses. I guess I misunderstood. It makes me cold now thinking about them. I also think the picture of your kitchen cabinets is good. I love the color with the wood around them and the red apple knobs. You do good work. I hope you are staying warm!
    Sue, thanks for your comments. My pain in that area hasn’t been too bad today! I hope you are feeling better. I am going to try a probiotic that my daughter has started taking. She said she takes it right before she eats and is so much better. She is going to send me a picture of the box so I can get the right one.
    Jennie, I like to give hugs but on here I have to send them! Thank you for the hug back. I hope you stay warm. Glad your snow didn’t stick, unless you wanted it to. Love you my friend!
    Chris, well it looks like you and your DH had a busy day. I hope you weren’t too tired when you got home. I saw where you got a dusting of snow and I hope you aren’t too cold. We had some ice late morning then rain. It is a cold rain. I had to go with my husband to pick up his truck today where it had been worked on. When we left my house nothing was falling. We got on the man road and it looked like it was rain falling on the windshield. My husband turned on the wipers and it was a solid sheet of ice! He couldn’t see and it was scary. He was able to see out the side window enough to pull into a safe spot. Fortunately I had bought a can of deicer 2 days ago so he was able to clear the windshield and go on. I was pretty scared there for a few minutes. He got his truck back and I drove my van home ok. I was surprised that the front of my van was frozen even with the engine and the heater fan blowing hot! Well I am going to call it a night.
    Love all of you, Donna

    • Love you too Donna……I hope you got over your scare in your van….we too have thick ice on our car each day, and hubby has to pour warm water on the windscreen every day, thankfully not as bad as you…..it must be really cold by you. I take probiotics every day Donna, part of my daily routine, not had a chest infection all year, so I guess they are doing their job, also take them to protect my gut….take care dear friend.xx

    • Hi donna;
      Sounds like you had a good save with the ice. I thank goodness that we didn’t get it up here, nor anymore snow. God is good !!
      As to the horses wearing blankets. It is not good for field horses to wear them, they are covered in long thick hair and it would make them sweat and in turn give them colic. Which is something you never want to go through if you have a horse. I have done it once, not something I want to repeat. Only stable kept horses, or slick haired horses should wear the blankets in the pasture. unless it is extremely cold, say well below zero. We hope to get the barn finished this summer though.
      You be careful down there. I know you North Carolinians are dangerous in snow !! LOL !

      • Tonie thanks for the info about the horses. I didn’t know that. That explains why one horse had a blanket and the other two didn’t in the pasture across the street from me. Also, as for North Carolinians not being good in the snow, you are so right and that is why I don’t even go out at all. Lol! Hope you are ok. Love Donna

  28. Went away to coast and looked into shed.had lunch out .nice day
    Had tuna mayo sandwiches..sat in conservatory in the hotel we go to looking onto seA
    Good break
    DH swapping tamulosin to the evening to see if he feels better..give anything a try
    Cold here but sunny today.gives rain all tomorrow and still cold

  29. Hello.
    Got more snow forecast for tomorrow, my boy had his scan today which involved inserting a balloon to stretch the bowel….very unpleasant, now we have to wait and see….anxiety back in full force….also waiting for my mammogram results, I have to get my DH to open the dreading letter.
    Chris…my favourite sandwiches, used to use Suffolk bread called “Suffolk Trencher” funny that, its what I call my DH.

    Hope everyone is safe,,,,thinking of you all….much love…Jennie x

    • Jennie, I’m glad Tim finally had his procedure. It does sound miserable. Didn’t they put him out for any of it? Let us all hope this will finally ease his fears about his health. Hope you get your results very soon on the mammogram. Miserable things they are, also.
      Hope your snow is gone by now. Where is a hint of spring? My beautiful, huge camellia bush has already bloomed so much there is a carpet of crimson beneath it. Guess that’s what comes of blooming in such a rainy place as Astoria, OR. I hope your pain in the foot is better or you at least are scheduled to see someone who can give you some answers. Thinking of all you’re facing and pray all turns out well. Love, Sue

      • Hi Sue……Tim got his results, which Claire and I predicted would be “Normal” and were, but oh no, it won’t satisfy him until he has been told face to face by his doctor, the results came by text, and Claire even rang the surgery to check…..now she is busy trying to get him counselling because its getting out of hand, and if he is not careful it will ruin his life…and hers, and mine.
        To think all this came from a wrong diagnosis of MS, he has never been the same since…where has my lovely happy boy gone, this is unbearable…….
        We had a heavy fall of snow this morning, covered all my lovely flowers……I too had camellia’s out, hope they survive.
        I am doing exercises for my foot, I printed them off and include them in my daily workout….I am not going down the surgery or injection road.
        I pray you are well sweet lady, as far as you can be, I love you……Jen x

  30. Jen
    Wish they could find a way to get all the results when they do it all like a colonoscopy ..well again you still gotta wait if they cut a polyp,out…should be another way. But hopefully time will pass pretty damn quick!
    How can you put it out of your mind ..you can’t even if you pretend to

    My dad has got some equipment in today and some on order.he has been pretty touchy with me.i? He didn’t want anything but I told him ive got to have this procedure done and some other stuff I can’t still be ringing and organising next week after I’ve sorted it all out this week
    So he was as sweet as pie to the occupational therapist .,but not to me..!
    How are you sue

    • Chris, I see your Dad is still playing his little games with you. Sounds like it is a hobby almost with him. I wish I could assure you he will stop doing it but you know he won’t. Hope some of that equipment that you mentioned will help with lifting him and make that possible. How is it going with the new caregiver? OT is going out there? That is good.
      I hope the change of meds will help your DH. What a merry chase he’s had with those medications. Oh my. Is the change helping his breathless symptoms? I hope so. And how about you? I look forward to you having your surgery and getting it behind you and also the days when you can go to the coast and actually stay. Your trip sounded lovely. Still cold at the ocean here but doesn’t keep the kids from romping on the beach. Hoping the cramping has improved for you. I’m always having IBS. It is just a fact I have to live with. If I stray from the boring food I pay for it. Later, Love ya, Sue

    • Chris……you know I will be thinking of you on Tuesday and Thursday, I pray all goes well, please let us know how you are when its over.
      Woke up to snow today, it was on the BBC weather, but oddly not forecast here in France???????
      Glad Dad didn’t play up this time, you don’t need all that, we Occupational Therapists have our uses, glad he was at least sweet to her/him. Let them all get on with it now, you have more important things at think about right now…love you …Jen x

  31. Yea sue isn’t the diet so boring..and embarrassing when with anyone when out. So much you can’t have
    You almost feel you are over controlling
    The cramping isn’t too bad at moment. Touch wood!
    Got fish for tomorrow with mushrooms and leeks In a cheese sauce and potatoes
    how’s everything going for you sue ..have you managed to go out food shopping this week? The days are getting longer now hopefully not long till some warm sunny days
    How’s the weather with you.hope your taps are ok In the kitchen.the lady who we go to at the tea rooms.her pipes get frozen outside and she has to close for the day.

    • Chris, Yes, we went to the store yesterday. I’m afraid it was a quick trip and I had to escape to the car. I’ve noticed when I get off the diet and eat something I know is wrong I always learn a painful lesson. This time it was cherry tomatoes. THey were good but not worth two to three days of pain. I must learn but often get so hungry for something good. Your fish sounds great.
      Over here I have also noticed it staying light longer and look forward to spring so much. More rain and wind for us today. Same old story here. No warmth in sight but not the severe cold so many of you have had to deal with.
      I do hope your DH is not having that breathlessness as badly. That was a concern. I’m sure your Dad will be over his “mad” very quickly. That seems to be a pattern for him. Love ya, Sue

  32. Hey all;
    Jennie, prayers for all clear, all around. Chris, we gotta get your dh on something that will make him better. Prayers for that as well, and for you my girl. You need strength and peace. Everytime I hear someone talk of using, or eating leeks, I get a picture of “Bridget Jones” fixing dinner for her friends and she ties the leeks with blue thread , so the soup is blue. Turned me off of leeks. lol.
    Warmer here, almost all the snow in the open is gone. Now, lots of mud. Went for a walk today with the boys on the river path. So nice, seeing the cows with babies, lets me know spring is near. As do my hens who are laying more, or rather more of them are laying.
    I hope you all have a good night , a good day tomorrow, with less pain, more happiness, and a brighter outlook on life.
    Love to all

  33. Thank you tonie
    Life just happens…..having a lovely sleep this morning…it hardly ever happens…..had the carer on the phone at 7.30..woke up with a jolt The ambulance men had come a month to early to take my dad to hosp..the lady there booked wrong month.!!
    It seems every day starts off with something wrong to sort out! So I appreciate your thoughts
    Yea I could do summat like Bridget Jones too! Loved that film
    Your walk sounds uplifting ….so it’s more eggs to eat then . But anyway watch that mud it can be slippy
    I get so I wanna eat em with cherry toms I have them for DH but they look and smell so good..but daren’t you wouldn’t think a soft seed like that would cause problems like it does
    Not sure about DH with meds the other day it seemed a good start but today bp was up,but that may have been becos the early am call that woke us up . Our lives seem just beyond our own control to sort out all the time
    When DH retires I’m sure life will be so much better for you.i hope it comes soon

    • Chris, I look forward to the time Jim will retire, also. It is a puzzle as to what is going on with your DH. What about the breathless spells? Have they eased up? Wouldn’t you know the rare time you get to sleep in a mite and you get a call. That’s a pretty big mistake. Did he go in to the hospital? Was it for a test of some sort for your Dad?
      My gut is still a mess and I’m mighty sick of this. Ate very little today and trying to get it worked out but still losing some weight at times like this. I can’t afford to lose anymore right now. Pulling out every trick in the book, been taking slippery elm bark all day and it always helps and sticking with pretty much liquids.
      Hope things worked out with your Dad. Let me know how DH is with the airway and breathing. Love to you, Sue

      • Well sue
        It seems to be easing. He was only a bit puffed when he went for a short walk.then coming upstairs it seemed ok just now.
        So don’t know what to make of it all.maybe he’s just not fit after being ill and not walking for a few months…or pace maker..but pace is being checked next Friday also see Dr.friday
        His bp is going up in the morning now again tho. 160/99 last two mornings.whereas it was normal when first changed timing of meds . So I don’t know really loSt with it
        I can’t have peel either along with seeds
        Have to peel apples and can’t have more than one every couple of days
        My ibs is a run to the bathroom one many times a day. I only get constipated when I taken certain tablets. What does your Dr say..has he got any ideas to help. I suppose you been thru that one with him
        when I rang about the amb arriving at my dads they apologised .the lady had booked the wrong date.wrong mth.for it to come. It was for his basal cancer on his nose next month…he is going to have a large piece out .one ear is already smaller with a piece off it.they will try and keep away from the nostril they say .but it will leave a hole they will get a piece of skin from his cheek to try to fill in
        It must be frustrating to eat the same limited diet….I’m like it but not as bad I think.
        DH is a bit like it with the meds he has ,but prunes do at least sort it
        Gs coming over again with girlfriend I’ll hear all about their trip to London .he paid a lot for one night for them in a boutique hotel,went on the London eye and Madame Tussauds…
        Gotta get going..I slept thru a nite again!

  34. Good morning all:
    Chris/Sue. can’t you take the seeds out of the tomato and eat it ? My sister does that. She also gets this tomato plant that has less seeds in it to grow for her to eat. We all love fresh tomatoes. My sister in law was telling me she takes the cherry tomatoes and slices them between Ritz crackers spread with mayo. Sounds good , I will have to try it.
    Well, warmer day here. But I can’t tell that by the way my body feels. UGH ! But I must clean my floors today, put Scooba in one room while I steam clean the other. AND with all the snow gone, there is doggie poop everywhere I look !! I must clean it up today. Horse poop everywhere in the pasture, I needs to get that done maybe some this weekend, plus the chicken house. All my animals have a healthy digestive tract !! LOL !
    Here’s to us all having a wonderful day !

    • Tonie, as far as tomatoes, it isn’t just the seeds, although removing them from a tiny cherry tomatoe would be tedious; it is also the skins. Like pickles, cukes, etc. many vegies in the raw state have a skin that doesn’t dissolve. It is solid fiber. I have IBS everyday and have given up most meats and get, frankly, sick of the whole thing. I take metamucil i cherry/grape juice every night, MOM, 4 Colace stool softeners and have to stay home in the AM’s. Most fruits are better if the peel isn’t a problem. Soft, mushy foods are best like cantalope, potatoes, squash, etc. I miss coffee and chocolate but both cause cramping. I eat to survive anymore.
      My goodness girl, you are surrounded by poop. What a chore, especially in the slush of rain and melted snow. Sounds like your animals are in healthy condition. I know how much you’re looking forward to spring’s arrival and hope you’re seeing signs of it now that you can see the ground. I saw daffodils popping up in our lawn yesterday and they still had their little heads bowed down. So sweet.
      Sorry you aren’t feeling much better but know how much you keep moving and admire you for that. I know how hard that is. Sounds like the swimming is going well and you do eat well and healthy. Rest while you can before this early summer when, hopefully,, your FM will be back. Hope things are picking up for your son and all he’s going through. Life can be so difficult sometimes, I know. Later dear, Love ya, Sue

      • Sue;
        Ya’all remember and pray for my son. His ex, came storming into the house , while he was moving in. Kicked him in the crotch to get by him, ran into the kitchen screaming obscenities (in front of kids, who were crying and upset) and punched his new friend. Then goes to the police saying he attacked her and somehow got there with injuries they had to photograph. However, when they came right behind her, and he interviewed all who were there, he knows she was lying. But her brother sent him a message that she has a black eye and is telling everyone that he gave it to her. She better be careful, she may end up in a relationship where that really happens. Although right now I would like to be the one to give it to her !

  35. Tonie
    I must admit the ritz cracker sandwich sounds good . But like sue I can’t have the peel
    Like grapes too…but ain’t got anyone to,peel one !!
    As sue says won’t be long till your FM is back to you
    Jen have emailed you .

  36. Good morning all
    Well, it is a beautiful day here. I was out feeding this morning in bright sunshine and just a light jacket. Of course this won’t last but I love it when I get it. Yes Sue, I am much looking forward to spring. I could smell it in the air yesterday when I was burning trash. I was thinking soon you will smell people burning off the gardens and then the smell of fresh turned earth. Good smells.
    I pray you feel better this morning my friend. I had no idea that the peelings upset you as well. I will have to pass that on to sis, as she still has problems and can’t figure it out. I have felt better, but still it is better with each passing day. I have to wait on the mail to run before I go to swim because Fran is sending a check for me to deposit for her. Don’t want to make 2 trips.
    Hope all is well with the rest of you. Lyn, is it warming up your way too ?
    well, I need to get dressed and get on with it. I have it down to a science, I put clothes on over my pjs and go feed early, then come back to bed for my coffee and computer !
    Love to you all

  37. Thanks to all who said prayers for my son….his scan was normal and so was my mammogram……someone was in my corner, and I am grateful…..feeling emotionally washed out, so going to rest….will catch up over the weekend…..much love…Jennie xx

  38. Jen
    Have emailed you but that is such good news for the w.end
    You need to relax somehow now

    MY DD got thru the first interview for this job she wants.amd she’s just heard she has a second interview to show her around..it’s a job she Really wants to do..sort of one up from what she is doing now
    So that’s good
    DH cholesterol was very low so,that’s good as he cant take statins.but his triglycerides were just over the mark so gotta watch that
    Hope that weather keeps warm tonie

  39. Hello….another grey day here in France…..getting awful sick of the rain, bet in a few months we will be wanting the stuff back again, its the way it goes.
    Touch of IBS today….deep joy….foot hurts like stink too, exercises painful…..oh well no good moaning.

    Chris…great news about your DD, keeping everything crossed she gets that job.

    Tonie…hope your good weather lasts a bit longer, had to laugh at your dress code for first thing in the morning….a fine art indeed, kind of thing my DH does, and has been know to walk the dog in his PJ’s…..Lord knows what the neighbours thought…..ha ha!!

    Sue…..I have problems with the skins too, made the mistake of eating cous cous with raisins in yesterday….much to my regret today….sheeesh!!!
    How are you doing my friend? You got endless rain like us, or are things on the up in Oregon?

    Lyn…..you ok love?

    Well, after a good house clean and half the laundry done….all on limited sleep, I am ready to call it a day and take a break….the kids went out for a meal last night, Tim relaxing a bit, and re-reading Dr John E Sarno ” The Divided Mind”, helped him last time, I have ordered a copy too, so I can better understand why Tim has these dark thoughts……

    Happy weekend to all……keeping yo all in my prayers as always……Jennie xxxx

  40. Howdy all !
    It is a gray day here too Jennie. Supposed to have rain some later, more mud, just what I need. I saw this neat invention on Grommet, it is
    a paw washer. A can, with a rubber over it with a hole to stick the paw in and rinse it off. Me, I have a pan of water on the porch with a towel. 🙂 I was thinking, I can make me one of those washers.
    I feel like a train wreck sideways today. But I have to bake some cookies, and make cole slaw for a wake today. One of our church people passed away, and the funeral is at the church with the wake following in our fellowship hall. guess who they asked to sort out the spread ? YEP, the one who was only going to pop in and pay my respects and come home. Well, I am still going to do that, only I will set up the buffet first. I had big plans for today,all of which involved moving poop of some denomination or other . But, not with the way I feel, and not in the rain. That is the thing about this life we live, “the best laid plans of mice and men” You can never really plan something, unless you are just determined to follow through regardless. I spoke with FM yesterday. He was playing with his karate buddies, kicked too high and pulled a ligament around his knee. He was asking me again about if I needed to live in warmer , dryer weather. I told him I was fine where I am, he liked that, cause he really wants to live here. In the boonies.
    I hope you are all having a good day. Some of you just beginning, others ending, but all of us here together.
    Love to you all

    • Oh Tonie you’ve had a far more harsh winter than I have this year. We’ve had enough warm snow free time that for the first time in decades my yard won’t need spring poop patrol. It’s clean now (until I let the dogs out again) . It’s so warm I took down the tarps I have on the chain link (cyclone) fence I’ve had up to keep the dogs from running the fence line and barking at the neighborhood dogs. Remi and Nessie rarely bark, they need a big reason. The Pomeranian I have right now (Brody) doesn’t spend much time in the yard. My friends with livestock have been able to keep up with their pastures and paddocks as well. So different from even the last 2 years when I had snow to my tushy this time of year. We have had some horrible barometer cycles though, beyond the abilities of my pain medication. I’m sure not having my full treatment regimen hasn’t helped and it will take more than o infusion to return to the most recent baseline.
      Out church has a committee that deals with all wakes, church dinners etc so it’s not left to one or two people and a problem if someone gets sick or hurt. We do so much in groups including counting the collection in rotating groups of three so no one gets burnt out.
      Nessie is better but showing her safe too much. She gets tired so quickly, it doesn’t take much to upset her system and I can tell her back still hurts (likely arthritis) but her vet says her heart and lungs are ok and that she’s overall healthy for her age. Remi is 21 months old today and still very much a puppy despite being actively working as my service dog. I will be happy when she’s a confident adult dog.

      • Bsl , Laura, you will always be Bobsled to me !! LOL !! It has just been that big big snow we had, and the boys will go down to my sisters carport and poop if they can get there . She hates this. So do I, but you can’t tell them that. The chickens like to go in there and dig the gravel away so they can get to the dust. I will get it done, sooner or later. It will be warmer this week, enough where I will feel like getting outside. Our church is VERY small, so we have to do what we can. The other ladies that help were singing for the funeral, so … I gave Brutus something for his arthritis last night. I know he is hurting cause he doesn’t want to got out the front deck, he wants to go down the ramp out back. I see the pics of Remi, so cute. Hope you get your body back on track. Mine right now is way off, and am tired of waking up feeling like I have been run over by that truck !!
        You take care

  41. Tonie
    My goodness what a liar she must be. It’ll do her no good . It’ll come back and haunt he. especially with the Kids there too
    Prayers tonie for this and you

    • Chris, she is now trying to keep him from the other kids. I told him to let them reposses the car she has and then only give her child support when she lets the kids go. Then just keep them. There is nothing in writing so if he has them, she has to take him to court to get them back. He needs to put it on her to do these things. She is , what the Irish call an IDGIT !! It will come back to her, always does. Thanks you for prayers

      • Well tonie she sounds like a right one and im sure your advice should be taken by your son. How awful for the kids and your son..but also for you.its a worry.we don’t stop looking out for them do we..it’s certainly a permanent job!
        And yes she will get it back as you say shame she can’t see the error of her ways

  42. Laura
    Good to hear from you and good the weather has been not too bad

    Well my dad has been up to tricks again. The carer has asked her boss to be moved Monday. She says he has been very rude to her and she can’t take it all the time also the first day he made sexual remarks to her.if no new carer will come……I’ve got this hysto thing Tuesday and scans another day and john for pace appt checks and Drs.and going on how I’ve been with the other ops I’ve had infections and bleeding and had to wait at hospital etc so,I don’t know what next week will bring as I won’t always be on the end of a phone to sort stuff out.Dh can’t hear DD not in same town and at work anyway…..what a mess. I’ve told him to apologise to her but she has already started the ball rolling so another carer mite come and I mite not be about to check and see if she is ok . They mite not send such an experienced one now as they have been caught short…..my dad knew this week was going to be difficult ..anyway rant over!

    Gonna try and relax and read
    Hope all ok

    • Oh Chris I wish I were there so I could deal with things while you take care.of your own needs. I’m well versed in level of care issues and could communicate with the NHS folks what I as an uninvolved person was seeing. I’m sure your dad has some level of sabotage in his behavior so he can manipulate to get what he wants but also could be more than a single person can feel safe dealing with alone if dementia is involved as they can have such unpredictable days. Agencies have only so many people on staff and will run out of folks to send at some point. So frustrating for you. I’m blessed to have such minor issues with my dad (he still drives and works part.time at 81 years old) I tell him if he doesn’t do what I know he needs to step up with in his medical care I will call my sister. We both laugh but I’ve had to do it when he was sick and stubborn. I also remind him I’m in charge of picking the nursing home.
      In other news I just got my newly renewed RN nursing license in the mail. I worked too hard to get it and have a nice income and medical insurance after working as a nurse I just will not.let.it lapse.

      • Laura
        Yes sabotage is the right word , thank you for your words they are a comfort .and it does feel as if you are here as you are hearing my inner voice.
        My DD did ring him as I spoke to her and she said he’s got two choices and they are in his hands…behave or go into a home.
        But I think this carer will be going and the next mite not be as good..it will be difficult for me to say if it doesn’t go well for him and he will be stuck.i did ring and speak to him after my :
        DD had rang . He denies all.. I’ve told him to apologise..he said he would so he is admitting it really
        He will now try a charm offensive I know how he works

        Your news is good.and it is comforting to have those advantages in todays world …your dad working at 81yrs and driving.thats so good. And to be able to enjoy and laugh with him too
        I’m still thinking of what you said and it fits in so well with what’s going on

      • Laura, good to hear from you. Sounds like your spring will be a bit easier now that you’re getting your infusion and also don’t have to dig out due to less snow. Happy for you that you got your license renewed as it seems important to you. Hope all is well with your Dad.
        Are you feeling the affect of the meds yet? Do hope so and sounds like you’re in a better place medically with spring coming on. I also enjoy the pics of the pups on FB. Do take care, Sue

      • Oh Sue I admit keeping my license gives me a feeling that if the income stops I can support myself if I had no other way. I also really still admit in my brain that having an active license makes me feel less useless even though that’s foolishness.
        Spring yard work will not be a “thing” this year as most winters there is no chance to clear the waste from November through April. My yard only has what the dogs eliminated this afternoon so I could technically mow at this point. Even the late leaf fall is dealt with.
        I do feel better for having resumed the orencia but it will take more than one to put me back to rights I think. I still fatigue so quickly and pain is still a bit more than my baseline but both are improved compared to pre-infusion.
        We may get the next storm that comes past and I could return to bobsled tactics to get to.my water balance therapy as it’s up hill and there are a few curves.
        Many of you heard about the horrible shootings here in Kalamazoo MI. The reality us he didn’t live far away and he actually took Uber fares between shootings scares the heck out of me. The teenager he shot was actually pronounced dead but kept on life support for organ transplant but then squeezed her mother’s hand so they’ve rescinded her death …. but it’s terribly likely she will surely pass away. The shooters family is in hiding at this point for their safety. It is terrible.

    • chris I really think it is time to consider putting him where he has care 24/7. Which means you won’t have this mess on you all the time. I don’t agree with putting elderly in a care facility until they really have to be. I feel your Dad has reached the mental, physical place where you cannot leave him at his home. He is driving you mad, and all this is making your physical reactions worse. Your illness is compounded with stress, and until you relieve this, it is gonna stay bad. You really need to do what is best for him and for you. I love you and I hate to hear you with all this badness on you all the time. I pray you will come to a decision that is right for both of you and that you have peace with it.

      • Hi just caught this when I posted to you just now
        Yea I agree with what you say .but the carer he has now has just agreed to stay with him after we told my dad off etc.ive just spoken to her boss
        So it’s ok for next week.and after…so we’ll see how it goes now.if it eventually goes wrong after this ,it will have to be a home.when I saw him yesterday I could tell he was being nasty from how he was.and this is the third one he has made sex comments to.
        She is good too.he can’t see it
        Thank you for your prayers tonie…..I feel I need them.but also your words .all of them on here are always not only uplifting but soothing with being honest
        Love Chris

  43. Good morning all;
    How is all this morning ? It is a warm balmy spring like day here. Overcast with a threat of rain, but very warm. I fed in just a jacket this morning. I have big rolls our round bales of hay in the upper yard, near the chicken pen. It is too soft in the ground to move them so I have to get hay off them and then take it down to the field to the horses. So I take this tarp and fill it with hay and pull it down to them. Well, yesterday the chickens were piling up on the hay and taking a ride. They are heavy !! I was pulling it , then all of a sudden it got heavy, there were all the chickens just sitting on the hay looking at me. I had to laugh !! Like a bunch of kids hoping on the hay wagon !! They follow me around like a pack of dogs, so funny.
    Any how, I feel like a train wreck this morning. No church for me today. I really want to shake this feeling, not sure if it is the RA or FMS ! Probably the latter as my muscles ache so bad. And then my back. I don’t know why that girl is taking so long getting me an appt. I am going to talk to her on Tuesday when I go for my hip injection. This is unacceptable. It has been almost 2 months. Okay, enough complaining. I heard from my FM again this morning. Two calls in one weekend ! I am jacked ! He forgot his computer cable at school and his laptop was running out of juice and he couldn’t email me so he called me. He had good news. In April he has to go to a school further down in France, southwest he says, so maybe Jennie’s area ? Anyway he goes there for a couple of weeks, then he can come here in May, not June. So very good news for me. And him. Now we wait this week to see what the Govt says about his retirement. Such a mess dealing with government no matter what country you are in.
    Okay, more coffee and some water, I am a little dehydrated this morning. Please take care all, Prayers for you all. And have a HAPPY day !!

    • Tonie, just the mental pic of you hauling a flock of chicken on a hay quilt is a riot. Who says life isn’t entertaining? Hope your mud dries out soon so you can move things around…carefully.
      What wonderful news about your FM. To be able to know when he is coming to the states and know it’s sooner than expected is great. Hope and will pray that the retirement folks will allow it. He’s certainly earned the right, I know. I suspect he is as excited as you are.
      Hope you feel better tomorrow and those muscles and soft tissue start behaving. I think you do need to remind the doctor’s office about your injection. Still dealing with a bad gut here, now with some nausea. I’m beginning to fear it may be the shots I’m getting for the breast cancer. I sure do hope that’s not the culprit. I’m eating very little now and mostly liquids. Everything seems to hurt. Please pray I get better and it is just a bad bout of IBS which is the best of all possibilities. Love ya, Sue

  44. Chris…….I hate to say, but Tonie is right, this is all getting too much now, and what with the procedures you have coming up next week, you shouldn’t be dealing with it all…..I know you love your Dad, but enough is enough, you need a life too….hope I haven’t hurt your feelings love, at the end of the day, its cos I love you……Jen x

    • No Jen you couldn’t ..I know it’s the truth
      He is suitably admonished at the moment.i was angry with him as was DD
      See how long it lasts he knows this is a last chance.maybe he will see it now
      Been out for a ride and tea and scone..and an upside I lost some weight!
      Hope you w.ends good


      • Chris;
        His mind is not right, you know this, otherwise he wouldn’t make those comments to the carers. I hope he straightened up, but I doubt it will last because of how things are affecting him too. I know you want to do the best for him. I know you have been a good daughter to try and take care of him the way you do. He knows it also. Take care and remember to take care of you Congrats on the weight loss. I am still holding, but I think it is the building of muscle rather than nothing lost. At least I hope so !!

  45. Building of muscle is good tonie..you must be firming up
    Me well. Least said I think!
    Trying to live in the moment till Tuesday. Going to do some shopping tomorrow. It’s at 2pm Tuesday
    How are you? Hope all is well

    • Chris dear, well, looks like your Dad is at it again. I know you must wonder if he does these things on purpose, has dementia or is just ornery. I guess it really doesn’t matter if he is in danger and causes you so much stress it effects you and your DH’s health and lives. I know as a daughter you are in a tough spot and the old daughterly duty and guilt jump into the mix. Just remember dear friend, you are now the adult in the relationship. Do what is best for all and not necessarily what he wants. He has sort of lost his vote. Your responsibility is to keep him safe but you can’t be responsible for his happiness. I know you would like him to be happy but he isn’t going to be. Who knows? He might make new friends in a home and be put out of some of the boredom by having activities in the home. I’m glad your DD laid it out for him…black and white so to speak. I as well as all of us on here want what is best for you. Remember we’re not getting any younger. You have this precious time with DH to seek joy, see the sights, eat out and do what gives you pleasure in your lives. Stressfree is the world…may not be a word but I just said it. Be good to you dear girl. Love, Sue

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s