Sue’s Official Rules For Whining

 

“Hi, how are you?” Don’t you grow tired of having to answer that question? It seems to be the beginning of all conversations, both casual and familiar. I hate to lie and say, “Oh, just fine,” when I usually am not anywhere near that but when I tell the truth, I always feel as if I am whining. One grows tired of that, or at least I know I do. I thought today we’d have some fun with that whole concept therefore, let’s whine about whining. Are you onboard?

When you’ve had chronic pain for many years whining becomes an art form, a sacred ritual while also becoming a bit repetitive. That’s why you have to jazz it a bit by coming up with new ways to whine. Sure, it sounds easy. If you’re new to all this you might think all you have to do is be the victim, I mean patient; then spot another victim, also known as the listener and you’re all set to go. It’s much more complex than that. Let me see if I can sum it up for you. I love a list so let’s try that, shall we?

1. Never whine when you’re with someone sicker than you are. They don’t give a rat’s ass and you will find it very unfulfilling.
2. Whining is not a contest but if it were, you’d have to find someone without any problems of their own. Good luck with that. You might as well call in the Raiders of the Lost Ark to go on a sacred quest in order to find another human without problems.
3. Whining is best with a captured audience.
4. That’s why it works best with pets, infants, semi-comatose individuals, the deaf or those who are asleep.
5. Don’t try this with someone who is only partially asleep because, I know from experience, they will only roll over and say, “Huh? Did you say something?” That’s very unfulfilling and could cause you to perform an act of violence.
6. It’s not considered good etiquette to carry a weapon when you’re whining, especially if you’re planning on a long session of droning, which might include fit-throwing and physical upheaval. You might get “carried away.” Then you would certainly be carried away.
7. If you’re going to whine effectively, you can’t include too much stomping around because it may prove to be counter-productive. It makes you look too healthy; which will defeat the purpose.
8. Whining is salesmanship at its most emotional level.
9. Remember your goal is to gain sympathy, not put the “audience” to sleep or alienate them.
10. You’ll know you’ve gone too far when friends and relatives begin to run and hide when they see you coming.
11. Don’t forget the props if you’re planning a long session of complaining. These would include a large handkerchief or an extra large box of Kleenex; no crying towels because they’re too obvious an affectation and give away the “ending.”
12. Visual effects such as canes, walkers and wheelchairs also give it away too soon, but if you must have them, you must. Crawling on the ground is considered bad form and you also have to worry about getting up again. That can be a bit tricky,
especially if you’re left alone. It’s often dirty down there on the floor, at least at my house.
13. I have found the best audience for whining is your own pet. Dogs are best because they have fur you can use to dry your eyes and will usually lick your face afterwards. Cats, unfortunately fit into that “don’t give a rat’s ass” category. I love cats but it’s usually all about “Me, Me, Me” with them.
14. There is a way you can whine to a cat but you have to use your happy voice and stroke them constantly while doing it. That gets tiresome when you’re already in a bad mood. If you become emotional and stroke a cat too vigorously, they will get even with you. This may involve claws out, your blood being spilled and even more for you to whine about. There could also be a great deal of noise from both you and the cat. Screaming by either of you is considered non-productive.
15. You are allowed to whine at the doctor’s office but only if you keep it concise and to the point; otherwise his/her eyes will begin to glaze over and that will affect the doctor’s notes, profoundly.
16. While you’re in a rant at the doctor’s office, they will stop looking at you; pull their computer close and type in what an emotionally unstable patient you are. The words “nut job” will then forever live on your medical records.
17. They will undoubtedly get out their prescription pad and write you a prescription for Zanax or one of the social anxiety drugs.
18. Doctors seldom recommend alcohol as a remedy for the patient who drones on about his or her problems. They may need it themselves when they go home just to get all the buzz of droning in their ears to fade away.
19. Never complain to your veterinarian about yourself. Why do you think they chose a medical profession where the patients don’t talk? They may also try to take your temperature rectally, while you are being held down by two vet assistants. You might get a pedicure or should I say “peticure” out of it but, is it really worth it?
20. Finally, if you must drone on, whine, complain incessantly, do it to music. I prefer NOBODY KNOWS THE TROUBLE I’V SEEN, sung loudly, while I am alone. Find a song that fits you. You might prefer, I’VE GOTTA BE ME or RAINDROPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD. You could also make up your own tune and lyrics.

You see? This whining business can get out of hand, doesn’t accomplish much but seems to squirt out of us anyway. I guess it is part of the human condition. Go with it if you must but make it short, do it less often and always leave ‘em laughing and with hope

10 thoughts on “Sue’s Official Rules For Whining

  1. Sue
    There are times when I MUST whine. But of late I usually do it to the dog, horses, or chickens. They listen and don’t interrupt, lol.
    But seriously, it does make you feel better sometimes. But, rules are good to have. Just in case….especially in the vets office, lol.
    As for Dr’s, my Rheumy is the only one who listens anyway.
    Glad you are feeling better. Happy New Year to you and yours. And to all of you on the site.
    Tonie

    • Tonie, so true because rules or no rules that is life as we know it. To keep me from a certain degree of whining you
      would have to tape my mouth shut! I just feel so badly for Jim who wants to fix everything for me and it’s impossible. My body continues to deteriorate and that is God’s truth as I live it. Sometimes I think we try to convince doctors who shouldn’t really be doctors. Not all are born to the stethoscope. The one I had the awful experience with over two years ago had a daddy who was a doctor and think that’s why he had no interest in it.
      Aren’t our animals wonderful friends, though better to us than we often deserve. Thanks so much for finding this pic for me. I love chocolate labs so much and he does look like he could be whining. Love you much dear friend, Sue

  2. That was clever Witty and funny sue I did enjoy it
    How are you
    Let me have a moment of moaning
    Over Xmas we had blocked toilet and shower drains and had to get the water board out after trying ourselves to sort it..they came and all done after much worrying..thankgoodness we didn’t have to pay as they were the outside pipes that were blocked
    News years eve …got cystitis New Year’s Day at the urgent care ..
    It was quite a holiday….
    I’ll have to think of a song …
    Yea so a happy healthy new year to all
    Chris

    • Chris, sorry to hear of all your water and drainage problems both personal and in the house and street. I assume you’re talking about pipes leading to the street. What a pain. We have to pay for those until they reach the main sewer line. How disturbing bladder problems can be because you just can’t get any rest, day or night. Hope it’s clearing up now and your personal plumbing is working well. Timing is, they say, everything and both of those problems over Xmas, yuk. Much love, Suea

    • Jane, so pleased you got a jolly from this. I do like sharing the absurdities of life. Sometimes they are very close to the truth and frankly, without laughter, what terribly glum, gray world it would be for all of us. That damn hill is high enough some days. Fondly, Sue

  3. Happy New Year, Sue! I try not to whine, but sometimes, it can’t be helped! I concur that it is not wise to crawl on the floor because I definitely would have trouble getting up!
    I am very happy to say goodbye to 2019! 2020 has to be an improvement!!!
    Love & Hugs … Pommum Brenda

    • Dearest Brenda, oh no, no repeats of 2019 for you dear friend. I hope you are continuing to mend at this time and did have a good holiday with your family. Do stay safe and let that be your mantra for 2020, safety first. Love, Sue

  4. Rules to live by! It would be easier to whine of late here. This weather, crazy temperatures, fronts, barometer changes, is doing a number on this gal. I am trying to limit the whining, however. The fall of issues with skin cancer removals and incision reopening was not helpful, either. One thing after another. Now there is another something that developed on my back under the bra band that needs a look-see. That will take place next Friday. Hopefully, it is nothing, but it has grown and changed rapidly, even though it is primarily white in color. On the upside, I am enjoying doing some groundwork on a master bath reno. We’ll have to see how much of what we would like to do we can do. We should do what we can, though, before we replace the current flooring, which really needs to be done. The big project – replacing the 5-foot shower all in one form enclosure with a nice tiled shower. Yes, we will include a grab bar – thinking ahead. Speaking of which, I need to get ready so I can return the boards I brought home for DH to see. I guess I also need to stop at the countertop place (looking into replacing vanity top, if possible) as I still have not heard from them regarding a rough estimate that should have been called in Monday or Tuesday. Take care, dear Sue. You are never far in my thoughts and prayers.

    • Lyn Dear, sorry to hear and see your “interesting” weather and do empathize. We are in the midst of a thunderstorm all day with wind and pouring rain and now they tell us we are to expect snow next week. I have three appts with docs next week and will definitely cancel the one out of town. I was going to cancel it anyway because of the gut trouble.There is one potty between here and there through a forested road and it is a filthy mess at a speedee mart type place, or, yes, I forgot there is a toilet in safeway. When you have diverticulitis and you’re on an hour’s long road trip, these are important facts. YUK> The doc appt. is with my new rheumy but it doesn’t look like she’s going to make any changes to what I’ve been through and doing for 25 years so why bother…but I will go down when the weather gets better but not with snow.
      Do be sure you get a shower bed that doesn’t slip or at least will take a mat securely. Sometimes the ones that are textured don’t work that great and folks put down a mat and it won’t stick. Another bit of advice I have is to get a bathroom faucet that swivels and is taller like the ones in the kitchen. We have one and it’s very convenient. How fun though for you. I also recommend the taller toilet seats for those of us with bad joints. Good luck with it all.
      Hope the spot beneath the bra is nothing to be excised. What a nuisance as we know with Jim’s problems.
      Just had a long three hour visit yesterday with chemo shots and IV for bone density drug, Zometa. Ruined a vein and that’s not good because when you have a mastectomy with lymph node involvement, they will not use the veins on that side of your upper body. Life. Oh well, we just do our best to find the joy and do more than survive. Love you, Sue

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