I miss my mind most of all. “Where oh where has my little mind gone?”
I miss my firm, former body that didn’t hang down, jiggle, wiggle or rebel against me at every turn.
I miss one of my breasts.
I miss good posture.
I miss a day of shopping without sore, screaming feet.
I miss sitting over a leisurely lunch with my attention on my companion and the food instead of being on the pain in my sitter.
I miss being carefree.
I miss having a body that was user friendly.
I miss heavy lifting.
I miss reaching items on high shelves.
I miss many of the shallow, self-centered people who I can no longer tolerate.
I miss having one day without some degree of pain somewhere in my body.
I miss sexy shoes.
I miss sexy clothes that actually looked good on me.
I miss making sexy moves.
I miss…no, I’m not going to say it.
I miss my profession of nursing.
I miss slim, pain free ankles and a firm buttock.
I miss strong arms and shoulders.
I miss having only one chin. Now I have two, thanks to prednisone, but I can still only wear one necklace. I ask you, is that fair?
I miss traveling without a suitcase full of pills, heating pads, an ice pack, TENS unit and large bottles of Metamucil and MOM.
I miss leaping…anywhere.
I miss vigor.
I miss the ego-centric life without a care in the world.
I miss independence.
I miss traveling wherever I want to, whenever I choose.
I miss running on the beach or romping in the sand with my grandchildren or my dog.
I miss wrestling, scuffling and rolling on the floor playfully with my pets.
In the midst of all this missing, I have found a few things along the way.
I found a new me and I think I like her more than the old me.
I found a greater empathy for others.
I found a love for life and cherish each day in a savoring way that I never had before.
I found you can buy anything online from the convenience of your home.
I found it is necessary to rely on God more than I ever have before.
I found He is even better at supplying my needs than the internet.
I found it is wonderful to rely on those who love you and others, new friends and old.
I found illness opens doors between all of us.
I found my own mortality.
I found a new awareness of the fragility of life.
I found this new awareness is not a bad thing.
I found my own opinions more deeply rooted in truth as they arose from my suffering.
I found a better way to express myself.
I found the impetus to express those feelings through writing.
I found a way of connecting to others through that writing and interchange.
I found survival, often against insurmountable odds.
I found life is best lived one day at a time.
I found peace in places and ways I never previously imagined.
Most of all I found hope amidst the missing and all that was left behind.
I found hope sustains me.
I found 50 times a day to utter the simple prayer, “Thank you, Lord.”