THE TRUE VALENTINE

 

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It’s the love month.  What better time to chat about love? There is so much to say on that subject and so much of it is lovely, enduring and brings joy to our hearts. We know poets write about love, mothers love their children, we say we love life, we love a piece of clothing or we love a pet and it goes on and on. Valentine’s Day is usually sweet love as children exchange Valentines. However the bulk of cash spent on Valentine’s Day is about romantic love as billions of dollars are spent on chocolates, flowers, cards and romantic dinners.

 

Love in the modern world is split between the realities in the world of homo sapiens, that’s us and the world of homo fictus…imagined love. The type of love that’s found in the world of fiction is so ideal; it can make your teeth rot, because it’s so syrupy and dipped in sugar. Fictional love is a perfect size four, has flowing fair locks, firm yet heaving bosoms, a voluptuous tush and a mercurial personality. So much to put into one little package, but on a computer all things are possible. Her name is something flowing like Dazzle, Radiance or Chastity. Her heaving bosoms are so large, in real life she would surely fall forward. Her male counterpart is tall, but gentle, muscular to the extreme and appears rough on the exterior but has a mushy interior.

 

The story is usually the same format. Their lipid eyes meet. Their juices immediately start to flow as they experience love at first sight.  Then something occurs and they begin to hate each other due to some seemingly immovable object. She looks ragged and abused as her distress would indicate but secretly she is secretly rich, or royal and always classy; and has the soul of Mother Theresa. Our heroine is, of course, always a virgin or has had sex only once when it was forced upon her by some cad while she was loaded with Laudanum.  Of course she dresses in a way which displays all of her equipment, this virginally pure lass with the high ideals and the flawless skin.

 

The fictional “he” is usually crude, charmingly rude and hairy. His chest hair swirls around and is almost as long as the hair on his head. His name is usually something like Gore, Dirk or Bronze. He has usually fought his way through some danger, leaving his fortune and huge estate behind, where it can of course, be retrieved by the end of the tale. He always has an acute sense of humor as well as the skills of a Special Ops marine.

 

The two of them must deal with some vicious scoundrel who is out to get her into his bed, secretly knows about her fortune or is just plain rotten to the core. The hero and heroine must overcome impossible odds and realize in the midst of the smoke and gunfire or swordplay they truly are destined for each other. Tantalizing, provocative and endlessly frustrating love is found, love is lost and finally reclaimed and shines triumphant.

 

Most of the tales deal with unresolved passion…at least until the last fifty pages or so. The story is all foreplay, foreplay and more foreplay. Even on television series we lose interest if they “get it on” and we lose the suspense. When our homo fictus characters do finally culminate their union it is always lusty, incomparable and bells always ring for them, nobody burps or farts and they always fall off the mountain together. Their body odor is sweet, musky and wet with desire. “It” is repeated over and over with the same abandon that would surely land a normal human being in the local cardiac unit or end in someone’s arrest.

 

We are in a lot of trouble in real life when we are slammed by crisis, health problems or trouble. If our idea of romance is that I’ve spoken of, we come crashing to the ground. For most of us that would hurt. People like you and I, have globs of fat, sagging thighs or something sagging, thinning hair and have far less sex than the homo fictus if any, at all. Real men belch, have to shave their necks, forget to wash their ears and use a toothpick. Real women work hard for “natural beauty,” have stretch marks and have trouble breathing in most of the positions in the Kama Sutra.

 

Real love takes place in your home and mine or down the block. It occurs over burnt toast, worry about the electric bill and feeding the kids. The house is cluttered because there is no maid and the butler? Well, give me a break. The dog just puked on the rug, the kids are eating the goldfish and the TV is on the blink. It is small wonder 50% or more American marriages end in divorce. The main causes are financial trouble and romantic disillusionment. Too many of us mistake sex for love.

 

When our lives are further complicated by illness, especially chronic illness with no end in sight, reality slams us in the tush like a runaway train.  If you and I can survive the dive to earth, real love can be so much satisfying than the fictional, Hollywood version. One is fleeting and one is not. If you or your significant other can’t handle hard times, then love may not have been there at all. It may also have faded away. Sometimes it takes time and adjustment. Other times it requires counseling but always it requires faith in each other and the type of love that is enduring. Oh come on, you wouldn’t have wanted Mr. Homo Fictus; well, maybe at first but only until you found out he loves his mirror more than you. As for Ms. Homo Fictus, unless she gets run through by a sword, she will eventually run out of enough make-up to hide illness or age.

 

True love is tested over and over again in this world. Love is always a two-way street. There will be times when you are overweight or ill or both. He may have his turn as well. Look at so many of those heroic young spouses and their amputated and maimed veterans. Life has changed forever for them, as well as some of us.

 

There will be times when his relatives and friends will drive you crazy and other times you will also wish you had been adopted. There will be days when you can’t rush home from work if you’re able to work, cook a gourmet dinner and serve it in a sarong and ruffled apron. There will be other days when he won’t shave, has more gas than Texaco and insists on wearing that ratty old plaid, stained shirt. You know the one with paint stains on it?

 

Remember whatever life throws your way it is better to be loved for what you are than for what someone wants you to be. Genuine, lasting love will stand up to challenges and will endure.

 

 

 

112 thoughts on “THE TRUE VALENTINE

  1. SUE THAT WAS AWESOME, THE FIRST PART I NEARLY CHOKED LAUGHING, EVEN THE SECOND PART WAS AMUSING TOO AS IT SPOKE UP FOR “REAL LIFE” FOR THE MAJORITY OF US. THANK YOU FOR ENTERTAINING ME. I AM GLAD YOUR EYES ARE A LITTLE BETTER, TRY NOT TO WORRY ABOUT JIM, I KNOW PEOPLE LIKE JIM ARE NOT REPLACABLE, BUT THEY WILL HAVE TO MANAGE WITHOUT HIM TILL HE HEALS. BARRY IS TALING ME TO THE CANTONESE RESTAURANT TOMORROW FOR VALENTINE’S DAY, SO GOT TO REMEMBER TO DOSE MYSELF TO THE HILT, SO I CAN ENDURE THE LONG SIT ON A HARD CHAIR. THINGS STILL BAD IN THE UK, STILL THE RAIN COMES WITH MORE AND MORE PEOPLE SUFFERING…GETTING A BIT DODGY OVER HERE TOO NOW. I HOPE THINGS GO SMOOTHLY FOR YOU SUE, IT SEEM THERE IS NOTHING BUT ENDLESS TRIALS TO OVERCOME DOESN’T IT MY FRIEND, BUT AS MY DH SAYS, “IF THINGS DON’T CHANGE, THEY’LL STAY AS THEY ARE” SILLY BUGGER….LOVE YOU DARLING…ATER….JENNIE XXXXXXX

    • Jennie, I love your Dh’s remark. I must agree he sounds like a fun chap. I thought the very thing we needed was a good laugh. There seems to have been so little of that lately for all of us. If there is anything we get goofy about it is love and our perceptions of love. I know one time I was taking a private writing class and the woman writing it and most of her students wrote romance novels..hopefuls for publication. I always offended them because I couldn’t get excited about a teddy undie hanging on a clothes line and the description of it’s sheerness.Of course, I was the only poet and non-fiction writer in the class.

      I am so sorry to hear how bad things are in England, how awful it is. Our snow is gone along with the ice. When I got out to the market half the shelves were bare from that morning. Apparently everyone was waiting for the sun to shine to get out. I hope you are feeling somewhat better but I get the impression you are not with that damp, cold weather. I was thinking of you last night when watching CALENDAR GIRLS. Love that film. Was it really shot in Yorkshire..your home territory? Sweet friend, surely spring will descend. Hold tight, take as good care as you can. Hi to DH and we’ll chat later. Love you much, Sue

  2. Good one Sue. I was one of the lucky ones, had 55 years with DH. It was far from a romance novel, but the longer we were together the better it got. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts and energy. It will be difficult for you. Men are notoriously bad patients, but this too will pass. Take care, Janet

    • Janet, this is my second reply to you today. Not sure what’s up with the faeries today on here. Oh well, let’s try again. You indeed were blessed to be married and usually happy for 55 years. I and anyone who is married know it is not fiction perfect..that’s all so silly. I don’t know when I stopped being interested in that kind of romance fiction but I did use to read it, like Tonie. Eventually, I think we realize there is a love between a man and a woman that is even better than some of that nonsense. I still like a good love story but the true ones are the best. Valentine’s Day makes us all a bit weird I think. Yes, men are more difficult patients, especially nurses, but I’ve had some female patients that were real zingers, also. I just think women multitask and bend more easily than men do to the vagaries of life, especially dependence. Hope it’s going as well as possible for you. Love, Sue

  3. Oh Sue !! Love it ! I used to eat up all those romance novels like that and “Dream” of finding that man in it. I really believe that colored my image of what true love would be like. Well, reality smacks hard don’t she ?? Love’s road is rocky and hard in a lot of places, the smooth ones are nice, but then you hit the potholes. It takes work and patience and some of us don’t have it anymore. No regrets ! I am happy alone (well me n the animals !) So glad Jim is getting sorted out, and I pray for strength for you and him,
    We have about 14-16 inches of snow. I have posted pics on FB. I had to comb Brutus when we came back in cause he was covered in snowballs 🙂 Talk about a workout, just walking up the hill to see the chickens !! They were traumatized poor dears, but feed and watered them and will go back up tonight to check on them. They were peeping out the door when I opened it waiting on me. Have a lovely day all. I have so many eggs, I think I will make some custard !!
    Love to you all
    Tonie

    • Tonie dear friend, I meant to get back to you last night on the last blog and my eyes just got too blurred from the fatigue of my current life and the drops and eye exam yesterday. Tried again this morning and it wouldn’t post so here goes. Oh those poor chickens. I can just see all those little colored heads of Sadie and Sue especially looking out at you and isn’t there also a Carol as well as King Tut Rufus? I think I’m forgetting another female…I’m glad you can dress warmly for those outdoor treks. Oh my, oh my.

      As far as all the eggs, both Suzanne and I made that lovely lemon pound cake last week. It was so good and used 5 eggs. I love boiled eggs chopped into a creamy cheese sauce served on biscuits or toast. I also love a pea salad, fresh or canned peas, chopped onions, celery, cheese squares, sliced boiled eggs with a bit of mayo. I usually use a dash of dill in those kind of salads. I adore custard and occasionally make it with canned coconut milk. I occasionally top it with hot liquid burned sugar but you got to move fast with that but so good. I just melt brown sugar and when it is ready, pour it over the cooked custard if it’s in those tiny individual bowls..what are they called again? I think they’re called ramekins? It’s pretty cholesterol rich but so good and creamy. I know you are cautious in that nasty wet stuff. I’ve got cardiac arrhythmia today just from one and a half hours on the phone with insurance, billing and drug store. UGH!!!!! Now to rest and breathe deeply.

      Please be good to yourself. Jim is doing as well as possible. Love, Sue

      • Sue:
        Been much in prayer for you and dear Jim ! I know how much strength it takes to do it all. How is he faring ? I need not aska bout you I can figure that out. I made the custard ( had some for breakfast) so good. Mother used to make it in a pie shell. I made it in the ramakins. Lot’s of nutmeg, I love nutmeg. I think I will try your sugar, bet that is yummy. I was thinking of you when I ate mine this am, cause you always make it when your tummy is on the fritz. Yes, one more hen, Mrs. Henny Penny. She is getting on in age I believe. She keeps more to herself and not so active.(unless I come with a bag of goodies 🙂 ) They were happy to see me this am as well. very calm, knowing I was there to help. It is unreal how much snow got dumped on us. I had to reschedule my MRI for next week. It is for very early in the am that day, so fun fun all around.
        I pray you got your stuff sorted out with the insurance company. I hate insurance, of any kind. Such a rip off if you think on it (which it is best not to !) please take care and rest when you can. Wish I could help out some way. I talked to Fran the other night, she sounded so tired. Said she really missed me a lot !! 🙂
        Love ya
        Tonie

  4. Oh dear my last post it wouldn’t go..kept saying it was posting .now it’s gone ,so ill wait and see if it appears if not do it again later
    Chris

  5. Amen, Sue!
    Tonie, glad the pups and fowl are all fine and you are snuggled back in your cozy home. Stay in, safe, and warm. I had a small involuntary nap with Lily this afternoon and am now making some vegetable beef soup.
    Jennie, enjoy your Valentine’s dinner out! I do hope weather on your side of the pond soon starts behaving! Mostly I pray all are safe.
    Janet, 55 years with your DH. You were blessed. 🙂

    • Lyn, You always are cooking up something wonderful. How do you stay so thin? Glad to hear the kids and DH as well as yourself are managing all of that snow. What a winter, huh? They were just talking about snow rage..oh my. Coping skills don’t seem to be as good as they used to be. I think so many are so worried about so much these days but our country has had these times before for many reasons and eventually life healed. Glad Lily or the other cats can keep you penned to that chair. Naps can be good. Stay safe..Sue

  6. JUST TO LET YOU ALL KNOW I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A RHEUMY NEXT WEEK ON THURSDAY FEB.20TH. I AM SO HAPPY TO FINALLY GET TO MEET A RHEUMY, HOPE SHE IS A GOOD ONE. HER NAME IS DR. ANGEL TURCOTTE. I SAT DOWN AND CRIED FOR A LITTLE WHILE, CAN’T EXPLAIN HOW I’M FEELING.
    BE BACK LATER.
    LOVE TO ALL
    XXX

    • Suzanne, we do understand. Hope is a fine thing and that is what a new doctor represents to us when we have so much pain. Hope and pray…all of us that this is a good one. Sweet friend, I think you’re feeling anticipation, fear of being disappointed, hope, confusion at the unknown…etc. Much love, Sue

    • Chris dear, glad you got a laugh. Hope you’re able to stay dry and we are hearing only a bit of all your grand old country is going through. Prayers for you, family and hope the kids are safe. Is your DD doing okay with the split? Hope GS is well and having a good school year. Love and thoughts, Sue

  7. Sue, how funny and also so much truth! DH and I had a big laugh because he has on a plaid shirt with a big rip at the back. It is insulated and really almost like a jacket and he hasn’t been feeling well, so he put it on trying to be warm. He usually wears it at the cottage where he caught it on the tree they had cut down, and I haven’t made the trek downstairs yet to get the needed supplies to mend it. Sewing by hand has become very difficult for me, but my new sewing machine has its’ own computer and threads itself, but I still haven’t found the time to watch the enclosed CD and attempt to use it!
    We have had the coldest winter in at least the past 20 years with temps as low as – 40C/F with wind chill. It is funny that when you get to -40 is the same temperature in both Fahrenheit and Celsius!
    It has been a tough winter and I believe the little ones have been passing several germs back and forth to us and their parents with none of us ever really getting over them. Little Neve has had temps as high as 104F and coming down very little with meds and her fathers’ as high as 102 F. Her dad thinks we have all had the swine flu as I believe it has been diagnosed in the school where he teaches but with severe fatigue, swollen joints, severe headaches, nausea, severe body aches … I am unable to differentiate between what is viral and what is a flare of rheumatoid disease, and possibly the flu hit me in my weakest areas, and that being where I have had my surgeries.
    Sue, I think of you and Jim often, both with troubles at the moment and that is when the going gets really tough, but I know you both realize that this too will pass, you have been through so much together.
    DH and I have now made it past forty years and with having read that the divorce rate among rheumatoid disease is much higher than average, and with average being 50%, I guess we have been fortunate. We have long quit going out on Feb 14 with the long waits at restaurants being difficult for me, but I have my memories! We were engaged when I was nineteen years old and both sets of parents had ter doubts, but we both were sure we knew what we were doing! I was in my last year of nursing school at the time and I came off wards on February 14 to find my classmates gathered around the front desk at the nurses’ residence and looking at a bouquet of the most beautiful spring flowers, when all eyes turned in my direction and someone announced that they were for me! There is always one loud mouth in every class – who then yelled “and just WHAT did you DO to get those flowers?”
    I wish everyone a happy and hopefully comfortable Valentines’ Day ❤
    Love to all … Pommum
    PS – Teddi Bear is giving his sweetie Bella Pomeranian a heart shaped box from the Jim Shore collection and inside she will find a little Teddy Bear. Teddi has been told he is the most romantic pooch on Facebook!

    • Nana B !!!
      So good to see you on here. So yer man wears the plaid shirt huh ?? That is a laugh huh .Honey when it is -40′ it is just plain TOO cold in ANY language don’t you agree ?? That is the one conversion I remember from college. plus and minus 32 depending on which way you are converting. Oh Nana, I am so glad you have had a long marriage to a good man. It is truly something to be cherished. I was just thinking this am about mine. I got married at 17 (smart woman) much to my parents dislike, but they were old fashioned in some ways. But there were other girls in school who married that same way (and year) and they are still together today. I find that so sweet. I just picked the rotten apple out of the bunch Hey ?? But I am fine now, no needs or worries about it all. Content with my life. You take care and stay warm okay >>
      Love
      Tonie

  8. Hi
    I’m awake its gone 3am
    Thought I’d try again as fiddling with the iPad made no difference .if anyone has an iPad..do they know why safari says it won’t let you thru.its intermittent .
    Well we have been together 45 yrs this year and it is as you say sue. I must be odd as I find valentines sort if plasticy ,we have never recognised the day …someone put me right them…..perhaps I’m just not romantic that way
    Anyway try and see if this posts
    Chris

    • Chris dear, There is romantic and there is romantic…it’s so individual, don’t you think. Acts of love come in many guises. I have an Ipad I bought last Fall and don’t know diddly about it. I just sent for IPAD FOR SENIOR DUMMIES. Well, that ought to cover it don’t you think? I’ll see if that’s in there. It should be here in the next couple of days.

      45 years tells me you know a great deal about some form of romance. Oh the ideas people get about the whole subject of love is wild sometimes and understated as well as overstated. Hope the technical issues of your life get worked out. How’s Dad? Love you, Sue

  9. Sue-this Post was better than any CHOCOLATE I could dream of having~~your description of what the “Perfect” woman would look like~~~I loved it!! Got even better with your honest scenario of how us “Normal” women look like, and that includes the guys too!!!

    So much changes as the years fly by~~and I think we ignore the “physical changes” as they start sneaking up on us. But with so many years of wicked Physical Pain—now I can see the changes and it was hard to deal with them at first—meaning when I really took a good “Look in the mirror!” If we don’t learn how to make “Peace” with those changes, I think there is so much Life we will miss.

    Valentines—my husband and I stopped making a big deal out of it years ago~~~choosing to simply enjoy being together, weathering our way through the Roller Coaster Ride of Life and both of us being so grateful to be here, together and more in Love than ever after 38 years of marriage.

    He is the Love of my life~~~and I don’t need the big things—heck a “big thing”is being able to get out of the house and take a short drive together…. Our Valentines day GIFT was sitting together,struggling our way through the ever changing Computer Technology and managing to get his NewPrinter online and working!!! Not too bad for an old couple!!!

    Thank you for this posting Sue—a loving touch of Reality!!!!! martha

    • Martha dear girl, glad you enjoyed this. Chocolates are great but this wasn’t fattening! My DH and I have also seen how life can change with all of the meteorites that strike us. I think changes in our faces and bodies, faces especially, can be like carved granite and reveal what has chiseled our faces and bodies. Mine can change from day to day. I know what makes me feel most attractive and I find feeling close to my most attractive makes me feel less depressed and oppressed. I would imagine each of us have our own tricks, attitudes and special “ceremonies” that make us feel better about ourselves. Peace shows on a face as does anger, don’t you agree? So many of our emotions truly are written on our faces. I’m thinking of that charming, wonderful true story of the very young married woman who got breast cancer and wrote a booked called WHY I WORE LIPSTICK TO MY MASTECTOMY. Such a small thing, lipstick, but it’s one of my standby’s, also. I’ve always been more convinced our attitude does more for our face than make-up, but a touch of color seems to brighten a face.

      Don’t you think love is something we often have to grow into? I agree with Tonie who read the books and did the search. True love is what you guys have. Marriage is also a roller coaster ride. Enjoy tomorrow my dear. Fondly, Sue

    • Martha:
      I so agree on “making peace” with what you see in the mirror. It IS hard sometimes when it creeps up on you huh ? Sometimes it surprises me when I look in the mirror and see “that woman”. Yet, I am earning those lines and sags everyday with life. Have a blessed day and Happy Valentines to you and your dh
      Tonie

      • Toni, I went through a time when I’d look in the mirror and think my Mom was standing on the other side!

  10. Oh Sue that was just great. Made me laugh as I use to read those romance novel also. Your picture of real life is so true for me. We will be married 38 years on Valentine’s day but we no longer go out with all the crowds. Usually stay home and make a fabulous supper together but tomorrow we are invited to Jonathan’s (my youngest) to celebrate my birthday. It should be lots of fun. Just being with my family helps me feel so much better.

    As Martha said if we don’t make peace with all our changes we will miss a whole lot of life. It has been hard for me and George these past 2 and a half years, lots of changes still not quite use to all this but slowly getting the hang of it thanks to all of you on this blog.

    Wow Janet 55 years with your DH. MARVELOUS you ARE a special lady indeed.

    Pommun, you made me laugh talking about that plaid shirt your DH had on cause mine had one on too. You also shocked me with the divorce rate among people with RA. Something I didn’t know.

    When Geo got home from the farm today and I told him the good news about seeing a Rheumy he response was “it;s about time” I know he is finding this hard also. My whole family is finding it hard.
    But with all the prayers I have been receiving I feel I will come out of this with a better understanding of life in general. I will always have RA but maybe there will be days of relief, I sure do hope so, or maybe not. Really don’t know what awaits me. I will continue to expect a miracle.

    Tonie hope you and your chicks and the boys are all nice and warm right now. Do enjoy that custard.

    The storm is on it way here and is just starting now, snowing but not too hard the worst is yet to come. My body is telling me it’s here!

    Sue you take good care of those eyes and every other part of your body. I hope Jim behaves (LOL) I’m sure he will.

    HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO ALL MY ANGELS ON THIS BLOG. LOVE YOU ALL.

    XXX

  11. I think the love stories I have read here are the most beautiful in the world..they’re REAL and honest and reflect a mutual love and respect. Thank you all for sharing them. 55 years of being happy and in love; that’s more special than anything I have ever heard!

    When I think of romance novel love, I remember a friend I had as a teenager. She fell in love with every new guy she dated and was devastated when it didn’t work out. Her mom set her down one day and said “Carol, you aren’t in love with Him, you’re in love with love.” I thought about that remark so often throughout my life. I grew up in an era when people got married and stayed married, no matter what. Except my folks didn’t follow that rule. My parents divorced, much to my embarrassment. My Grandma hated my grandad and only stayed with him because my mom and her siblings had such a fit when she talked of leaving him. I saw so many bad marriages; both my uncles were unfaithful, one uncles wife was unfaithful. All of them had married for love, but look what misery it had caused. I myself have been married several times, and each time worse than the one before. After my last divorce, I asked God to help me through the lonely times, and I would be content alone the rest of my life.
    When I met Ed, we hit it off immediately. We spent our entire second date explaining to each other why we didn’t want to marry again, it would be nice to have someone to share time with, but no spouse. If marriage worked, I had not learned how to make that happen, and I never again wanted the pain it caused. He had also been through a lot, and he admitted that much of it was because of him and the things he did. But, I had something with him I had never had before. We could talk for hours, and I enjoyed our conversations so much. He had spent his life in the navy, had traveled all over the world, and had the most fascinating stories to tell. We found ourselves spending more and more time together, just because we enjoyed each others company. My Mom didn’t like him, he was too honest for her taste. He didn’t care for her or my sisters, either, he said they were all too rude and disrespectful to me. I ignored all of that.
    For the first time in my life, I was content.
    His proposal was about the most unromantic You’ll ever hear. He was visiting one week-end. He walked by the room I was in and he said “if you have getting married on your agenda, I won’t object.” I didn’t find this especially appealing, so I said “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Then we found he needed surgery. I was still working, and I brought a durable power of attorney home and asked him to sign it so I could have say in his care. He balked at the idea, said there was no one else on earth he wanted to have a say. I tried explaining that legally I had no standing. His answer to that was to get married. Much as I loved and treasured him, I was still resistant to getting married. So, it became a daily thing, him proposing. He’d send me cards, emails, letters, and word of mouth. I kept turning him down.
    One day we were out riding and he went to our little ‘county seat”. He asked what we could do while there. I told him he could move his voter registration, as an election was near. He pointed to a tiny door and said “what do you do there?” I said “that’s where you get marriage licenses.” We got out of the car and he headed me right into that little door. There was one lady inside and she looked at me and asked could she help me. I said “no, thank you.” She asked him the same, he said “I want to get a marriage license”. She told him his intended had to be with him. He pointed to me and said “she is”. By this time, my funny bone had been tickled, and I started to laugh. She asked me again, and again I told her I needed no help. He was starting to get flustered, told me to ‘cut it out”, and asked her to get the paperwork started. She pulled me off to one side and asked was he trying to force me into marrying him. I said “I think so, but I can handle this.” I told him, we’d get the license, but we’d get married within 2 weeks, one day longer and I’d back out. He said “anything you want, short of jumping out of an airplane”. So, we got our license, and spent a frantic 2 weeks making all the arrangements for our sweet wedding. I had the whole caboodle to do in that 2 weeks, get a dress, him get a suit, get a cake, find a minister (who insisted we do counseling with him), get a venue, music, get a suit for Keith, get and send out invitations. A lot of my friends, rather than a wedding gift, got the food for our little reception; that was the only thing I didn’t have to do. It was a very busy 2 weeks and it was a very sweet wedding. And one I haven’t regretted since.

    My hubby isn’t a touchy-feely guy. He’s not cuddly, but he’s wonderful. One birthday, he got me an entire day at a spa, and I mean everything was covered, even lunch. He picked me up with balloons coming out the sun roof. He does the birthday weeks too, and makes every day special. But at night, when I’d be lying quietly, he’d rub my hair and pray, and thank God for me, saying he never did anything to deserve me, but that made him love me and God even more. I felt guilty for eavesdropping, but I also felt so special and loved.
    As my arthritis got worse and worse, with the pain escalating, my mobility went downhill. So, I kept gaining weight. I did a lot of research, and decided to have a gastric by-pass. He objected, and Ed is very vocal in his objections. For a while he fought me tooth and nail over it. Finally, he sat me down, and said he would have no objections if I would answer one question for him. He asked me was I worried that he wouldn’t love me fat. I told him I wanted this surgery for me, not for anyone else at all; it had nothing to do with him. He said “I want you to know that I married you because of the beautiful person you are, your mind, your heart, your soul. Your body doesn’t bother me, large or small. That’s not the part I fell in love with. I would die if anything happened to you because you thought you didn’t please me.”
    I had the surgery at MCV. They do a wonderful job of patient teaching; they told me all patients on bi-pap or c-pap went to ICU on a ventilator after any surgery. So, I explained all of this to Ed, told him about the vent, all the tubes and wires he would see; and I told him it wasn’t because I was in such bad shape, it was because they take excellent care of their patients.
    In ICU, I was awake, I was on the vent so I couldn’t talk and tell them. Ed was beside me, with my nurse, and he was crying. He told her he wasn’t leaving, his whole life was in that bed. She hugged him, told him I’d need him more the next day when I was awake, for him to go get some rest, she’d take great care of me. I immediately trusted her; she reminded me of one of the best nurses I knew from home. Needless to say, I sailed smoothly through the rest of my recovery.
    On our first anniversary, I told Ed that I wanted to say something to him that I had never been able to say before. I loved him more today than I did one year ago. The times I’d been married before, after one year, no, much less, I’d wanted to kill the sob and pretend I’d never met him. My love for him has grown every year, every day. He’s the love of my life. It’s odd, as much as he’s traveled, there have been times in our lives that we have lived very close to each other. It would have easily been in the realm of possibility for us to have met. But, God knew the time wasn’t right. I think we both had to get to the point where we would be able to love and appreciate each other.
    I don’t like every single thing about him, but I accept the things I don’t like; and I admit that there are things about me that must drive him nuts. But he accepts that, too. A lot of things are important to me that don’t mean squat to him. Sometimes he caters to my wishes, sometimes he doesn’t. But that’s how life works; we don’t have our way all the time, and we don’t lie down on the floor to be a doormat for someone else to have their way all the time. When we were newly married, and he’d been sober for just over a year, he’d go to Christmas at my families, knowing my sisters and their spouses would be drinking and indeed, drunk by the end of the evening. Sometimes even at the beginning of the evening. But he’d go for me. When he came and whispered to me “I have to get out of here”, I accepted that and appreciated his effort. After he’d been sober for more years, it didn’t bother him what they did. But I do realize what an effort he made for me in those first years. I never drank, so I can’t understand alcoholism from that view, but I know a lot of things I am “addicted” to, and know how hard it would be to resist that. I am very proud of the fact he’s been sober for 16 years now. He says it’s because I gave him a reason to be sober. I do know that what he has done has to come from inside him, but I do appreciate that he wants to include me in the credit. Then again, in Al-Anon I have met women of whom I have made the comment “I would have to drink if I had to live with her and that mean mouth and nasty attitude.” So, maybe the spouse does make a difference. I only know that we are a good match. He says he has learned about compassion, empathy, and family from me. I have learned how to be strong from him. I have learned that while I might not be a perfect human, I am perfectly human, and that’s okay.
    I worry so much about this rough patch he is going through, but I love him all the more, because he knows he doesn’t have to pretend with me, he can show me his vulnerable side and it’s all okay. And I love him for trying to “fix” it.

    Sue, Ed broke his shoulder right at the humeral head of his dominate hand, too. He used a sling, also. He had a lot of pain at first, and a lot of problems with a rash in the axilla. It was very painful for him to get to that area to bathe. He was embarrassed to ask me for help; but I finally saw it and began taking care of it. AS the pain subsided, he’d try to use his right arm, to eat and wash, and write. By the time his sling came off, he didn’t see the need for physical therapy and didn’t take it. Physically, he’s fine now. Psychologically, I think this is the basis of his current depression. He knows he can’t ride his Harley any more and that’s too big a spoonful for him to swallow. And, it’s reminded him that he’s getting older, and he doesn’t care for that. I think in a way, we with the chronic pain and illnesses have an advantage. We have had to accept these things gradually, over the years, and it just didn’t hit us as hard. So, I’ll just keep loving him through his problems. And I know, without a doubt, that no matter what he goes through, he loves me. That’s all the Valentine I need.
    Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you!
    Linda

  12. Well folks think I mite have sorted it out . done it by making an app for this on the iPad thru yahoo then googling it then made the app
    HAve to see how it goes rather then go thru safari for it each time
    Well hope all good everywhere Wonder how Laura is
    Tonie you be careful in that snow doing all you do
    Be back Chris Hopefully!

  13. Well Happy Valentines Day to all my “sweethearts” I love you each and everyone !! I found my Valentine in the bag of potato chips the other night. It is a heart shaped chip !! I said, “well thanks God, you didn’t forget me !” Funny how little things like that come out
    It is still snowy here, but the sun is out today so hoping it will melt it off a bit. At least so we can get out and about. If my 4 wheel drive was working on the Jeep, it would be okay. Darn those people at Disability Board !! No, Jennie, still haven’t heard from them. Supposed to be scheduling a hearing for me, but we are waiting impatiently. I pray you all have a lovely day. It IS a rather plastic day Chris. When you are young it is important I think. A teenager from church was posting on FB she would spend it alone again, so depressed. I told her I had spent MANY of them alone and I survived. Just to be patient and it would be different one day. She is barely 17 and in a hurry. I know what that is like. Have a good day
    Love to you all
    Tonie

  14. OH CRIPES…..UNDER THE AFFLUENCE OF INCOHOL…..TOO MUCH TO DRINK….PIZZLED AND ANYTHING ELSE I CAN THINK OF……..TWO GLASSES OF RED, AFTER AN APPERITIF, THEN SAKI, WASN’T GOING TO GO TO THE CANTONESE TODAY, AS I WOKE UP WITH EYE PAIN AND MY EYE SWELLED UP LIKE I HAD SUMMAT LOBBED AT IT….BATHED IT, PRAYED ABOUT IT, AND BINGO, IT WENT AWAY, (NO NOT THE EYE)…..SO, HAD A LOVELY MEAL, THE CHEF NEARLY BURNED MY BLOODY EYEBROWS OFF….MY FAULT, LEANED IN TOO CLOSE, COZ I’M NOSEY..HA HA!!!. ANYWAY THOUGHT I HAD BETTER POST BEFORE I GO INTO A COMA. WOULD YOU BELIEVE AFTER ALL THE EVIL WEATHER, WE ARE IN DOUBLE FIGURES TEMPERATURE WISE, BUT ITS ONLY A SHORT RESPITE FOR MY FELLOW BRITS, WHO ARE DUE ANOTHER DOWNPOUR THIS WEEKEND, SO WORRIED FOR THEM.
    BETTER GO NOW WHILST I CAN STILL SEE…HICK, HICK!!!!! LOVE TO YOU ALL, YOUR’E THE BEST……JENNIE XXXX

  15. Jen
    Well I certainly hope you are asleep and its all gonna be good when u wake !
    You sound as if you had a good time…wish I could have joined you.
    Anyway its your anniversary as well I think so it sounds like you had a good one! And happy one

    Wind getting stronger here and raining
    Be back later..and I could do with some…affluence !
    Chris

  16. Jennie, sounds like you had a wonderful anniversary celebration! Good for you. Hope you have many many more. Your post gave me a big smile. So glad your eye didn’t go away!
    After all that snow, it’s been near 50 today. A lot has melted, but we’re to get more with freezing rain tomorrow. Keith actually had the back door open. My little Lucy has had a wonderful time playing outside. My other two doggies don’t care that it’s mostly gone, they want it all gone before they venture outside! Not snow babies at all, those two!
    Hope all had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. Mine was very nice, Ed was even cracking jokes today, such a thrill for me!
    Poor Keith had cabin fever. I knew he did, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until he cleaned the driveway and got out of here! Guess we all must do what we must do to keep our sanity!
    Love to you all,
    Linda

  17. Linda, thank you for sharing your beautiful love story. How fitting on Valentine’s Day. DH and I don’t go all out for the day, either. Never have, really. We often exchange cards, he may give me a small bouquet of flowers or some of my favorite candy, but we never did the fancy dinner or anything like that. Today we exchanged cards, I was going to the store for a few items and he said if I saw some flowers to pick them up. I found a cheery little bunch of tulips and they spoke to me. Our dinner, simple and no fuss followed by a little cake and ice cream. Nothing spectacular, but neither of us had to fuss and we truly enjoyed the time together. Both kids were working, so we are enjoying a nice quiet evening together. We wouldn’t have it any other way. I didn’t know the statistics regarding rheumatoid an divorce, but I do know we will be one of the few to make it through.
    Suzanne, hurray for you! So happy your appointment is so soon here!
    Jennie, glad you had a good time and your brows escaped demise. Sleep it off now, my dear. 🙂
    Tonie, love the Valentine chip!
    Nana B, good to hear from you!
    Chris, I hope you finally have it sorted out!
    Boy what a difference a day makes! Sun was out today and it was a beautiful day! In all we ended up with 16 inches of snow. We are expecting an additional 2-5 inches tonight into tomorrow. I felt pretty good Wednesday, but achy yesterday and today. Not surprising. Now they say we may be up into the 50’s next Thursday and Friday. What craziness!

    • LYN DARLING…..NOT CHANCE OF SLEEPING IT OFF, FELT A BIT ODD LATER, JUST THOUGHT MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE I AM NOT A DRINKER, AND ONLY EVER HAVE ONE GLASS, SO WHEN MY TUMMY STARTED GRUMBLING, I THOUGHT MAYBE THATS WHAT IT WAS……HOW WRONG CAN YOU GET, I HAD FOOD POISONING, THREE HOURS I SPENT ON THE LOO, GOSH WHAT A STATE I WAS IN, FELT LIKE I HAD BEEN PREPPED FOR A COLONOSCOPY, NOT GOING THERE AGAIN…….I SHOULD HAVE JUST COME TO YOU AND HAD A NICE HOME COOKED MEAL…..AH WELL NEVER MIND. TAKE CARE MY FRIEND….LOVE JENNIE XX

  18. Happy St. Valentines’ day. Most of you know I’m a confirmed spinster, (complete with spinning wheels and I know how to use all 4 of them) never married and never had children. 🙂 Anyway, interestingly enough I don’t think I’ve ever been in love. I’ve loved people, been in like and been in lust but as far as romantic love, nope. As it is right now, I prefer being alone and had long ago made a conscious choice to remain single. I’m not lonely. I know I have many people that love me and many I love as well but that is a different kind of love. I got a valentine card in the mail from my best friend (since we were 4-5) and it did make me smile. She has often had me go out on valentine’s day with she and her husband. It kind of was funny as we would joke that people would think he had 2 wives lol. This year they are at their vacation house in Florida so no dinner together which is fine by me. I’m tired this week and not really up for sitting at a restaurant like so many others.

    I’m working on getting together what I want to take on the trip to California with me. I had the car serviced today so that everything possible that can be prevented going wrong has been checked, changed, or fixed. It wasn’t terribly expensive so I think it is well worth it. Driving several thousand miles round trip in a 10 year old vehicle I want it to be safe and easy. I do have a road club card too and both Mary (friend going with me) and I know how to change tires and do most repairs but I would rather prevent issues. We leave on the 25th of the month and will be back in time for my infusion I think….or I can change the appointment if I need to so I don’t stress about it. I plan to stay in nicer hotels as this is the first long trip I’ve taken since I went to Scotland in 2002. (went through Yorkshire to get there, it was lovely) I can’t wait to see the desert, the rocky mountains and the sequoias.
    The weather here is blah..no flooding, wind is normal..just normal winter, colder than usual but nothing that I can’t deal with. We are lucky, snow is normal so we have the equipment to deal with it. There have been some roof collapses but I think it was more structural problems than the snow. I can’t believe the weather that the south and Atlantic coast has experienced. What a mess. the houses aren’t insulated like ours, the counties don’t have snow removal equipment, salt/sand mixes for the highways and streets which causes major problems. I couldn’t stand the wind Sue gets with the pacific storms either. I think I’ll stay in the great lakes where everything is as it should be.

    • HEY BOBSLED………YOU ARE ONE BRAVE LADY, A REAL PIONEER, I DIDN’T REALIZE YOU HAD VISITED MY NECK OF THE WOODS….AND THAT YOU LOVED IT TOO WAS MUSIC TO MY EARS, ITS THE BIGGEST AND THE MOST BEAUTIFUL COUNTY IN ENGLAND, SPLIT IN TO THREE “RIDINGS” NORTH WEST AND SOUTH RIDINGS OF YORKSHIRE, I COME FROM THE WEST. ALSO YOU VISITED MY BELOVED SCOTLAND IN 2002 WHICH IS WHEN I WAS THERE…..DID YOU GO TO THE HIGHLANDS OR LOWLANDS, I WAS IN THE CAIRNGORNS IN AVIEMORE ETC. FANTASTIC.
      HAVE A GREAT TRIP LAURA, COME BACK SAFE AND LET US ALL KNOW HOW IT WENT……LOVE AND HUGS…JENNIE X

  19. WELL AFTER A DOLLOP OF FOOD POISONING FROM YESTERDAYS OUTING, I AM GRADUALLY STARTING TO FEEL BETTER….I FEEL REALLY CHEATED, I WAS SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, AS MOST OF YOU KNOW, I DON’T GET OUT MUCH, SO IT WAS TO BE A SPECIAL EVENT……IT WAS THAT ALRIGHT……HOWEVER, TODAY THE SUN HAS DECIDED TO FAVOUR US WITH ITS APPEARANCE, AND I CAN SEE NEW SHOOTS OF SUMMAT OR OTHER PUSHING UP THEIR LITTLE HEADS, SO SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO HUH???/ HOPE ALL OF YOU LOVELY LADIES ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND, I AM OFF NOW TO FIND OUT HOW MY KIDS ENJOYED THEIR TIME IN EGYPT, AND DID THEY BRING ME A PYRAMID BACK………………..LOVE AND HUGS TO YOU ALL…….JENNIE XXXX

  20. Mornin all !
    Jennie, you do have adventures don’t ya love ?? You wil remember this anniversary. GLad you are feeling over it. And the sun as well ! It is gloomy here with another chance of snow. BUT clearing this afternoon. I think I will dig myself out today and go to the store.
    BSL, you will enjoy the desert. I wonder if you are going thru the Joshua Tree park >? It is quite beautiful as well. All the different landscapes you go thru. And the truly wonderful foods. Enjoy and be safe. I love to drive, much better than flying.
    Lyn, glad you had a good evening with the dh. Nice to have some time to yourselves.
    Chris, prayers for you and all your countrymen in this nasty weather you are having. God bless you all
    Sue prayers for strength to you
    Love to all
    Tonie

  21. TONIE LOVE…YES, ADVENTURES INDEED……IS IT ME OR IS ANYONE ELSE ADDICTED TO MALTEEZERS, ME AND MY DH HAVE JUST SCOFFED A BAG OF THEM, THEY WERE MEANT TO LAST TILL TOMORROW, BUT ONCE I START…………I HOPE YOU DON’T GET ANY MORE SNOW TONIE, YOU MUST SURELY HAVE HAD YOUR SHARE BY NOW, ARE THE CHUCKS STILL LAYING WELL?? WHAT HAVE YOU PLANNED FOR THE WEEKEND??? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BAKE, I LOVE HEARING ABOUT IT, YOU NEVER STOP COOKING…..LOVELY…….KEEP SAFE PET.LOVE YOU….JENNIE POO XX

    • Hey Jen:
      Yes chickers are still laying well. Cost me a dozen eggs today to get the car out 🙂 I did a lot of shoveling and am deeply paying for it now. Feels like my spine is on fire 😦 Took a pill and am resting. Went to check on Fran’s house and get the mail in, went to the store. It is such a hassle when it is bad weather, can’t park near the house and have to carry everything uphill (I know Sue , you do it all the time ) Anyhow, gonna rest, no baking or cooking today. No church tomorrow, so maybe something like some tangerine cookies. 🙂
      What are MALTEEZERS ? are they like our malted milk balls ?? I will eat a BUNCH of them also !!

  22. SUE…..HOW ARE YOU???? HOW IS JIM DOING?? ANY IMPROVEMENT IN YOUR EYES MY FRIEND??
    CHRIS….NOT SEEN YOU ON HERE FOR AWHILE, HOW ARE THINGS…I WILL CALL YOU IN THE WEEK..TAKE CARE….JEN X

  23. Jen
    I posted yesterday after your meal out,before you slept
    Hope the tum is better,must be a bit better if your eating maltesers,yep I daren’t start em
    My tums not too good as I’m taking Voltarol for the coxyc …then spasmonal for IBS and Cimetidene for having to take Voltarol . I’m all over the place with side effects!
    What a wind here last night….died down now a bit now

    Laura how long will you be gone on your travels?

    Hope all well with all
    The trick with the iPad didnt work as the settings are all to go thru safari.but it does seem better ,maybe it was all the weather
    Be back chris

  24. Hi all, it’s a lovely sunny day and 20 degrees F which is warmer than it’s been. We’re supposed to get snow again tonight but that’s ok.
    Jennie, we flew into Gatwick then drove to York and spent the night. We wandered around there then drove on to Scotland. When we got to Scotland making decisions where to go was by majority at breakfast each day, over to the Isle of Skye, Nairn, St. Andrews, Inverary, Inverness, most major cities, historic sites, Glen Coe, Culloden etc. We left for home through Glascow. I in my usual sweet way made it known that the museum at Culloden was lacking (slanted against the Campbell’s) as the Campbell presence was on BOTH sides of the battle, not just English but also with Jacobites and Bonny Charlie. They didn’t know what to say to me knowing I know my history and that the sites of each group is clearly marked on the battle field lol. They didn’t agree with their own markers lol. I ordered a one of a kind pair of dance shoes that I designed for myself (custom job, nothing like they carried in stock) when we went to the factory for James Senior dance shoes (dance gillies) and ordered a pair made for dad of stock type but for his short wide feet. The owner picked dad and I up at the train station, took us to the factory and back to the train for the trip back to where our travel companions were waiting. We were there for 2 weeks but most of the country could be reached in a few hours, not like here where you can drive all day and not be more than one state from home. I got to help with lambing at one of the B&B farms we were at and walked out at low tide at the edge of the north sea. We had no itinerary, finding a B&B each evening around supper time and only staying one night (except for Skye, stayed 2 nights there)

    Mary and I plan to be gone about 2 weeks and are going to be flexible about it depending on how I’m doing at any given time of our trip. It’s 30-40 hours of driving not adding in rest, eating, and potty breaks from here to where we are going to in California. We are leaving the 25th, hope to be there the 28’th or March 1st. I have an infusion scheduled on March 12 but that can be changed if needed.

    • HI LAURA…….I WAS BORN 20 MILES FROM YORK AND SPENT MUCH OF MY CHILDHOOD THERE, ALSO WENT TO INVERNESS, ITS BEAUTIFUL ON BOTH COUNTS HUH!! THATS A LOT OF DRIVING YOU WILL BE DOING, I AM GLAD YOU HAVE MARY WITH YOU, I KNOW YOU WILL COME BACK TO US FULL OF TALES OF WHAT YOU HAVE SEEN AND DONE….GO GIRL, HAVE FUN…..LOVE JENNIE XX

  25. Laura, you must be so excited about your trip. We have given up any thought of travelling for a number of reasons but if we ever did decide to take one last trip, California would probably be at the top of the list! Just a thought … I have been told that arrangements could be made to me my infusion at a different location. It would be great if you didn’t have to hurry home or have your infusion late. Are you taking any furbabies with you?

    Jennie, so glad your food poisoning only lasted one day!

    Suzanne, I will be waiting to hear how your appointment goes next week and I found it funny that it was our hubbies who had on plaid shirts!!!. When my son was doing a graduate degree in New York State all the Canadian students were housed in the same residence so they decided to have a Canadian party, and they were all out shopping at home the weekend before, looking for red plaid shirts.
    Someone returned with a canoe which was used as an ice bucket! They invited students from the other residences and I was told a good time was had by all!

    Linda, enjoyed your love story very much. Ed was very determined to marry you!!!

    I also made the lemon pound cake as a Valentine’s gift and it even smells lemony. I have a recipe for lemon icing but never got it iced last night and today little GS on a gluten free diet is with us so it is hidden until he leaves but we are looking forward to having it for dessert this evening. Is there a custard recipe that everyone makes?

    Tonie, will try to get some recopies to you soon!

    Must go as our son is here to help clear with the driveway. Between the flu and the record breaking cold it has been a long winter, but hopefully spring is on it’s way.

    • Nana B !!
      How is little GS doing ?? Hope all is well ! I make my mom’s custard with a couple cups of sugar, couple cups of milk (canned or cream) vanilla, 2 eggs, and a couple spoons of corn starch to thicken. Cook it over low heat until it is thick. OR in a double boiler if you wish.

    • HI POMMUM…….YES, FEELING BETTER THAN I WAS, BEEN A PRODUCTIVE DAY, COOKED, CUT DH’S HAIR, DID A HEAP OF LAUNDRY, AND MANAGED SOME EXERCISES……..WHAT A GOOD SON TO COME AND HELP YOU, GLAD YOU ARE OVER THE ROTTEN FLU NOW……HAVE A GOOD SUNDAY….LOVE JENNIE X

  26. Linda
    I missed your story of how you met etc. don’t know-how I did but it was a lovely post
    I was looking thru to see when Suzanne was going next week for her appt and saw yours.
    It was good to read Chris

    • NanaB. Nessie is of course coming with me as there is nowhere she can’t go or any hotel that could refuse her. The 2 shelties I have left don’t like adventures much so they will stay home. I have a friend that will care for them and the birds here at my house as I have taken care of hers for many years. She plans to spend time here at the house so the dogs can spend time loose. The friend that is going with me will make sure I deal with pain and fatigue, she thrives on care taking. I just had my infusion, will attend another spiritual retreat next week at the convent nearby (sleeping at home) creating an icon as I did last year. I’m almost packed for the trip as I don’t want to deal with it during the retreat. I’ll tidy the house next weekend. If my infusion is a day or so late it won’t be too much trouble. I’d lose time during the trip if I had it with the side effects I get after them. 🙂

  27. Hello everyone, hope you don’t mind this general comment to all. Feeling extra pain with extra lifting around here and extra babysitting..no, not Jim, the grands. Jim is still very uncomfortable with movement and in it for the long haul of healing. He usually does a lot of lifting for me but can’t now so I am figuring out how to do small loads, carry less stuff upstairs, buy more cloth grocery bags, fill my humidifier only half full, etc. Jakie has to lie on the floor more at night than he would like but occasionally Jim can hoist him up with his Right hand and arm. It is an extra hardship to have broken his dominant side. He’s getting in a lot of TV time.

    SO many of you are facing hardships and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Jennie, how awful for you to have food poisoning…vomiting up you socks no doubt. Hope you are recovering and fully on the mend. I have a feeling you would have preferred a hangover. At least you would have had a bit of fun, whether you remembered it or not. Oh I pray you get some lasting sun. I wish I could answer your question positively about my eyes but it will be an ongoing problem due to severe dryness and burning, thanks to Sjogren’s syndrome. My vision is threatened and that’s all there is to it. I’ll do all I can and believe it will be fine but will take diligence. Just wish there was one freakin’ part of my body that wasn’t a problem. Wonder what that’s like????

    Pommum Brenda, hope your son is doing better, feeling more well. Love the FB video you made of driving over the ice. The poms are so lush and fluffy and adorable I love their little turned up noses. Hope your grands are recovering from the flu as well as both of you. Your cabin is located in such gorgeous country.

    Chris, hope you’re staying above the water level. I always think of a flood as being as bad as a fire after all is sad and the odor from the decay and mildew..what a horror for so many. God be with them all. You’ve been pretty quiet lately…hope it’s just the Ipad problems and hope they get worked out soon.

    Tonie, I do get a kick out of your farm antics and critters..I know, it isn’t as humorous for you. Hope Judy is surviving well and hope she is grateful to have you closer to her. What do you hear from our friends in AZ, Millie, your old minister, etc. Prayers for all the grands in AZ. Try to keep warm. I’m glad you have the job while waiting for disability but know it must be hard in this current weather of yours. Cold is so darn daunting, I know. We have wind whipping out here at 50mph today. Beth and SIL are in Vegas at a rodeo with friends and the grands are here part of the time, then with their uncle and friends. Beth spread it out for my sake. It’s okay.

    Jo, I’m glad you liked the Valentine piece I put on FB. I wrote it a long time ago but cut it in half for FB. Hope you’re feeling privileged with your sunny weather. Talked to a friend yesterday in CA and it was 80 degrees. How’s the sitter holding you up these days? Don’t you sometimes wish you could trade parts? Just go into a store and ask for a new tush? Dream on, right?

    Laura, I suspect you’re going to CA for the sunshine. Well, they’ve got it. I know the trip will be hard in many ways but will be worth it. We used to make that trip every summer when I was a child to see relatives in TX, OK and AK. It’s changed a bit along old Route 66 and I’ll bet you don’t have to carry a canvas bag of water on your bumper…does that date me enough? Wonderful food along the way as Tonie said, wonderful jewelry, hand woven object you will like, etc. We’ll all be thinking of you and wishing you well when you leave in ten days. Certainly will be different than your piles and piles of snow.

    Lyn, you are a domestic goddess. You always make home and hearth sound so cozy. I’m getting ready to make a lemon jello cake because the little ones will be spending the night and GS loves those sour cakes. Also preparing to make spaghetti and meat balls…great way to assure I don’t have to cook tomorrow. Love those leftovers when I’m exhausted, don’t you? Although I must say it sounds like you are always making fresh meals. I hope they sleep well tonight because the wind is rocking this old house. Hope the new meds are working out for you and help.

    Suzanne, hope your appt goes well. It’s just the first visit so make a list and don’t overwhelm her. Five most important things to share with her, okay?

    Janet, hope your weather is behaving and your daily life is enjoyable.

    Must close now but love you all and any I ran out of time to chat with. Later, Sue

    • SUE MY FRIEND……..OH DEAR LADY, HOW I WISH THERE WAS A MAGIC POTION FOR YOU TO GET WELL, ESPECIALLY FOR YOUR POOR EYES, I PRAY FOR JIM TO RECOVER, AND HOPE HIS PAIN AND DISCOMFORT EASES SOONER THAN LATER. IS THERE NO-ONE THAT COULD COME IN AND LEND A HAND FOR A LITTLE TIME EACH DAY, I KNOW YOUR FAMILY ARE BUSY FOLKS, ITS SO HARD WHEN THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPEN, WE WOULD ALL DASH TO HELP IF ONLY WE COULD……….PRAYING FOR A WAY FOR YOU MY FRIEND, HANG ON IN THERE……………….LOVE YOU, HUGS AND LOVE….JEN X

    • I’m making my list Sue and I will stick to five things. Do not want to overwhelm her. I will let you all know how it goes.. Going to see my family doc tomorrow. Big week for me. I’ve been filling out all these form for disability and it is making me crazy. So much to write and hand so painful. Having to do it in spurt. Not sure what is going on but I am in so much back and knee and hand pain today, don’t know if I’m coming or going.
      Take good care everyone. Jennie I hear you are not feeling very well either… gentle hugs to all.
      love ya
      XXX

  28. Oh, Jennie! So sorry! I hope you are feeling better by now. You and Bobsled will be amused to know I’ve been to Scotland and part of England, too. I LOVED Scotland. It was a tour and we sang all but one or two of the ten days, so frankly there is some I just was too exhausted for to remember. Sadly. But we were in St. Andrews, Edinburg, traveled through to London. I’m sorry I don’t recall all the places we were without consulting our itinerary (or the commemorative sweatshirt I had somewhere). We ended in London and saw Les Mis there. It was back in the 90’s.

    Sue, I love spaghetti with or without meatballs as a quick go-to meal, and it does work well for leftovers, too. So glad the grands are making the rounds so you have a bit of respite, and fun for them, too! Tonight we had an adult fellowship (from church) gathering. We all met for appetizers and wine (other drinks, too) to plan our activities for the year. I confess I took the easy route with our appetizer this year. I made the simple classic cocktail meatballs (with the chili sauce and grape jelly sauce). Just as tasty and less work. We all had a great time, lots of laughs. Now I should be heading up to bed.

    I guess I should have checked in here earlier today so I could spend more time addressing everyone. Blessings and sweet dreams, all.

    • WELL LYN……SO ANOTHER OF US BEEN TO BONNIE SCOTLAND, A TINY COUNTRY CONNECTED TO OURS, AND SO MANY PARTS OF IT ARE EXACTLY LIKE YORKSHIRE, WHICH IS WHY I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE PLACE, AND LEFT A LITTLE PIECE OF MY HEART THERE……..LOVE YOU, KEEP WELL…JENNIE XX

  29. Morning all:
    Hello from cold and snowy Va. It is a “crusty” snow today. THe sun is coming out, but we are supposed ot get rain today and tomorrow. I certainly am feeling the affects of using the snow shovel yesterday. My shoulders are letting me know I was bad !. The chickens about ran me down coming out of the door this am. THey had enough and came out to walk on the snow 🙂
    Sue we are praying for you and Jim. Take care of yourself sweetie.
    Happy day to you all
    Love
    Tonie

    • HI TONIE..YOU AND THAT BLOOMING SHOVEL……STILL I SUPPOSE YOU HAD NO CHOICE DID YOU? WE ACTUALLY HAD A FEW HOURS OF SUNSHINE TODAY, AND…GET THIS…..I WENT IN THE GARDEN, AND IT WAS NEARLY WARM, I HELD MY FACE UP TO IT AND SAID A LITTLE PRAYER FOR YOU ALL, COS I DON’T KNOW WHY BUT I FEEL CLOSER TO ALL OF YOU IN MY GARDEN……SILLY OLD BUGGER AREN’T I? HOPE YOU ARE GETTING YOUR REST SWEETPEA….LOVE YA…JENNIE POO XX

      • Jen: I did rest yesterday, and slept a full EIGHT HOURS without waking up !! Feel better today. Glad you got some sunshine sweet. We are supposed to start warming up as of today, so hopefully it will melt off all this snow (which will be a muddy mess for a while) and then we can get on with SPRING !!
        Love ya

  30. Hi all dont like to write too long a post as sometimes they don’t go on.its something to do with the safari browser
    Not too good got DH cold virus and my back is sore so taking voltarol but have IBS with it
    All look after yourselves Chris

  31. Sorry you’re not feeling well, Chris. May you be on the upswing soon!

    Tonie, not surprised your are sore. But you sure are getting your exercise. Take care of yourself!

    Jennie, sunshine! We are getting some today, too. It’s lovely, but very bright with the snow!

    I found myself actually complaining today. I’m not a complainer. I guess I’m really not feeling great today. That mysterious back pain is back and nothing seems to help it. Tired, and joints achy. Will be pulling out one of those no fuss, no muss meals today – that or telling DH dinner is up to him! I’m disappointed. I really wanted to have a little treadmill or elliptical time today. Thought maybe I could do little bits. DD took me to task and told me to just rest. I know she’s right. I also know how important exercise is. Ugh. I have to get up early tomorrow and take DH to work. He did a recon trip in to the school he’s teaching at tomorrow and there is no place to park there. All snowed in, so he wants me to drop him off and pick him up. I wish the city and the people living in the city did a better job of cleaning up the snow. But I also understand there’s really nowhere to go with it all, either.

    Time for a nap or a little reading time. Enjoy the rest of your weekend, all.

  32. Bright spot of the day – DH gave his blessing and DD and I are going to hear Mandy Patinkin perform live next Thursday! Can’t wait! Praying there’s no interfering weather.

  33. Hi all
    Sun shining here .got this cold and sore coccyx but mite go out later to town to do some things and have a coffee,but back so sore and taking Voltarol and IBS set in, so see how it goes later

    Just spoke to Jen and her back is really sore she has to take to a walking stick,and can’t really sit for long by the computer or anywhere ,so she praps won’t be on the blog till tomorrow . She is taking all the painkillers and hot water bottle etc. so hope that gets better soon

    Gonna make some lunch,hope this post gets on
    Chris

    • And here you are Chris: So sorry to hear you are all down again. Prayers for your lifting up and healing. Going to the Dr today about my back as well. Another section another Doctor ! Oh well. Wednesday go for the MRI of the shoulder. Then back to the Dr’s in March. Hopefully going to swim tomorrow, Can’t wait. It makes my body feel so much better. It is supposed to get up to the 50’s and low 60’s this week. I am so looking forward ! Take care and have a good week
      Love
      Tonie

  34. HELLO.I WASN’T GOING TO POST TODAY, I ASKED CHRIS TO DO IT WHEN SHE COMES ON LATER, BUT HERE I AM, COMPLETE WITH STICK, AS MY BACK HAS GONE INTO PAINFUL SPASM, SO GOT NO CHOICE PUT TO DIG OUT THE OLD PROP AGAIN, A BIT SCARED OF LOSING MY FOOTING ON THE STAIRS. DOING ALL THE RIGHT THINGS, HEAT ON THE BACK, RUBBED IN THE GEL, TAKEN THE MEDS, CAN’T DO ANY MORE, JUST FEEL LIKE HOWLING IT HURTS SO BAD……..GOT TO GO NOW, HURTS TO SIT LIKE THIS,,,,,,MY LOVE AND MANY HUGS TO YOU ALL, PLEASE KEEP WELL…..JENNIE X

  35. What the heck is it with all the back pain right now??!!!! I’ve got it, SB’s is really bad again, and even saw a post from one of my other FB friends that hers is bad. Is it the weather??? Poor SB only slept an hour last night. Thankfully he is sleeping right now. I put our bed buddy and “bean” on him (both sources of heat) and he fell asleep. Dear little Aria kitty is back there with him. I hope he doesn’t roll over on her! I sure hope we all get control over this nastiness soon! Take care!!

  36. JUST GOING TO TRY AND BATHE, FEEL SO SICK FROM ALL THE MEDS, A BIT TEARFUL, GETTING ME DOWN SOME. SPOKE TO MY SON WHO HAS TOLD ME HE IS COUGHING UP BLOOD, BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD BEFORE WITH HIM, BUT AS ALWAYS HE THINKS “THIS IS IT” AND NO AMOUNT OF REASSURING SEEMS TO HELP, HAVING TROUBLE DEALING WITH THIS RIGHT NOW, WHAT SORT OF A MOTHER DOES THAT MAKE ME? ANXIETY IS HIS BIGGEST PROBLEM, DON’T BLAME HIM WITH MS HANGING OVER HIM, BUT RIGHT NOW I JUST WANT TO STICK MY HEAD IN THE SAND……………WE’L GET THROUGH IT SOMEHOW…………………..WILL TRY AND TALK TO EVERYONE TOMORROW, IF NOT YOU KNOW WHERE I AM..BED…………..HOPE SUE IS OK, WORRIED ABOUT HER………..LOVE JENNIE XX

    • Jennie, This isn’t Disneyland or the zoo…we’re humans we mothers. My dear friend you have to survive and that means there are times you have to love your family AS YOURSELF. Meaning…you must look after you. I suspect you have said most of the things you said to your son many times previously. There comes a time in our lives and theirs when they must be in charge. If you’re like me, you’ll always express your opinion but…whether they agree with it or not…God will watch and report.
      Do whatever you can dear girl to feel better.If you do stick your head in the sand, just remember that straw to help you breathe. Get any and all help, do what you can with that help and live with the rest. Sorting it all out is the hard part. Sometimes we just have to let it go and hide out.
      As for me..my eyes are better but will never be well completely okay/ due to glare, sun, wind and most of life. It’s me and my eyes against life. Back pain still bad since the fracture and any bending over hurts. Just finished a difficult weekend Knees badly swollen, TMJ acting up, making it hard to eat without biting inside of mouth but this world still swirls and our needs with it. Back soon..Prayers and hugs for you, DH and son and GF. Sue

      • SUE….THANK YOU FOR THAT, AND FOR GIVING ME THE COURAGE TO CARRY ON AS I WAS AT ROCK BOTTOM. YOU MADE ME LAUGH ABOUT THE STRAW, MUCH EASIER THAN THE SNORKEL I HAD BEEN PLANNING TO USE,,,HA HA!! I FEEL LIGHTER NOW I KNOW YOU ARE COPING WITH YOUR EYE SITUATION, YES I KNOW ITS NOT GOING TO GO AWAY, BUT IF THERE ARE PERIODS WHEN ITS EASIER YOU GET SOME RESPITE. CHRIS AND I HAVE BEEN EXCHANGING TIPS ABOUT TRYING TO MANAGE OUR SYMPTOMS. IT WAS QUITE FUNNY REALLY, SHE IN ONE BED AND ME IN ANOTHER, WITH ONLY ABOUT 300 MILES BEWEEN US.
        CLAIRE HAS INFORMED TIM, SHE IS DUE A CAREER MOVE, SHE IS A PA IN A WELL KNOWN FIRM OF LAWYERS BUT FEELS SHE CAN’T RISE ANY HIGHER WITHIN THE COMPANY. SHE IS THINKING OF GOING BACK TO SIGNING FOR THE DEAF AND DUMB FOR WHICH SHE IS QUALIFIED FOR……OR……GET THIS, AN AIR STEWARDESS, I JUST CAN’T SEE HER AS A TROLLY DOLLY. TIM WILL FIND OUT WHAT JOB HAS BEEN ALLOCATED TO HIM ON WEDNESDAY, THATS IF THEY DECIDE TO KEEP HIM EMPLOYED….WORRYING TIMES. I FEEL FOR YOU WITH YOUR BACK SUE, I AM FRIGHTENED TO MOVE FROM LEFT TO RIGHT ETC, ITS AWFUL ISN’T IT, THAT FEELING OF FEAR ALL THE TIME. OK MY FRIEND, I AM PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR LOVELY JIM, I HOPE HE IS BEING A GOOD PATIENT…….YEAH RIGHT!!! LOVE YOU LOADS…….JENNIE XX

  37. Jennie I think is Sue is doing as fine as she can be right now. She does go on FB like she told us but her eyes are the problem with the blog. Don’t worry sweetheart that will only make you feel your pain more.
    love you big. XXX

  38. Hey all :
    Well trip down to Roanoke and back to see Dr about my neck pain and pain in between my shoulder blades. Wow, my shoulders sure are hurting today ! All that driving and sitting, well it don’t help huh ?? Anyhow, more xrays, referred me AGAIN for spinal injections for my ruptured discs, and then to a pain management clinic as well. Will let me know if there is anything amiss on the xrays. I am SOOO ready to go on a road trip !! It is supposed to warm up this week and I am more than ready for it to. Melt off all the snow, make it a muddy mess 🙂 who cares long as it is warm ! Hope all of you had a good day and you are all in my prayers
    Love to all
    Tonie

    • HEY TONIE, happy that is done with and you will get even more answers. Wow a pain management clinic, that should help you a great deal. So Miss, where do you plan on going on your road trip.
      I actually had a very stressful day and should say weekend filling out papers for my long term disability. Many questions to answer and not always sure what to write. i need this if i’m going to continue getting some money. Have to bring that form to my doc tomorrow but it won’t be finished as i am having so much trouble writing with my painful swollen right hand, but I’ll show her what I wrote so far and have a few questions for her as well cause I don’t know the answer to them. Also have to pick up the other form I left at her office a couple of weeks ago for her to fill out. That is the insurance for my bank loan. Need that one to continue being paid or I’m up the creek without a paddle. So many forms to fill and once I see the Rheumy there will be many more to be filled out by the Rheumy. All these forms cost money to be filled out, but worth it if they all pan out.
      My back and knees are very painful since the weekend, feel like i’m loosing my mind at times.
      We still have lots of snow and it will not melt before April.

      Oh Sue got the light out and I do believe it is helping. Thanks for reminding me of that light.
      Still working on the 5 questions cause seems to me I have tons. I will also speak with my family doc tomorrow about that.

      Lyn I sure do hope we do get control of all the nasties. Nice to hear some good news Lyn, enjoy your outing with your DD.

      Pommum, I had a good laugh over those plaid shirts our Canadian boys love to wear, but I do have some too. Ha ha.

      Chris hope you are on the mend and not feeling so miserable.
      love to all, and gentle hugs.
      XXX

      • Suzanne, Sweet lady, when you get tired of all the paper work, just mark your place and put it away, for awhile. I know how frustrating it is is right now. We’ve had to have a change in our insurance and I was on the phone for about the 12th time the other day and after an hour and a half finally left Jim downstairs, couldn’t even talk about it and laid down. My heart was in irregular rhythm and four different people had all given me different stories.
        With Jim breaking his upper arm near the shoulder and the ER and doctor, as well as my meds, we have already met $3000 of our $5000 deductible…out of pocket. Oh joy.
        It took me 13 years to get a diagnosis and 3 years to get a doctor to really do anything. I found a great one down in LA who had treated my sister and he was the one who always said, “five things.” They are only human…right? If you want them to think about your problems and try to solve them, you must give them a fighting chance.
        I know the weather change will come and it will help. For now, just take today and tomorrow. Glad the seasonal affective disorder lamp is doing a bit of good. Make hope your word to live by…Never lose faith. Love, Sue

      • SUZANNE…..ONLY JUST READ YOUR OTHER POSTS, PRAYING FOR RELIEF FOR YOU HAND, BACK AND KNEES, AND FOR THE INSURANCE TO GO THROUGH ASAP FOR YOU…..TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS. XX

    • Tonie, Now that roadtrip wouldn’t be to AZ would it? Beware the muddy mess, okay? Safety first dear girl.
      You sound a bit disappointed with your appt. or is that just fatigue I hear? Just don’t let it all overwhelm you..one problem at a time. I know. My eyes are fading so will close but will be back tomorrow. Pooped beyond belief. Love you and praying for your strength and joy. Sue

      • Sue:
        Just tired. MRI place just called, my apt is in the AM and I was thinking next week !! So glad they called. It is at 8:30 so I will have to leave here about 7:30 to get there in time. FUN FUN.! Then go check on the house and go work out ! Yeah ! Swim Swim little fishie Swim if you can ! ” Oh I am tired today, really wore me out yesterday. Do take care of you. Love to you and Jim. How did DD like her weekend away. And yes, that roadtrip would be to Az. But all in good time right ??
        Love
        Tonie:

      • Thank you Sue for your calming words. Very much appreciated. I always get nervous when going to see the doctor, that is just me.I have been living in hope since I got this. That is why I keep thinking I will be able to go back to work one day, when I get the right meds. Or maybe I’m just fooling myself? Time will tell.
        I do hope you start getting answers for your insurance Sue. I know how hard it has been on you and with Jim breaking his upper arm lots falls on you now. Praying for you and Jim.
        Going to get ready now to see the doc.
        later
        XXX

    • TONIE….HOPE ALL WENT WELL FOR YOU LOVE, BOTH FOR THE INJ’S AND THE PAIN CLINIC, TELL ME LATER HOW THAT WORKS AS I HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY SPOKEN TO ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN. HOPE THE SNOW HAS CLEARED AND YOU GET THE WARMTH YOU NEED….LOVE YOU…JENNIE POO XX

  39. Tonie
    There’s nothing I like better than sitting at home with the door open
    Jen
    I’ve been to a pain clinic a few years ago
    And after the specialist talks to you you have lots of options
    Injections.guided by scan injections and physio with different ways of coping with it as you do things .swimming or neck collars to suit and any apparatus .also newer ways of using electrical stimulation stuff.
    And all sorts of new things
    Suzanne
    Thinking of you with all that’s happening its gonna be a busy time.just take it all as it comes,sometimes we can just think too much.i know I do as my DD tells me so !
    Sue
    What a blimmin mess
    Good the eyes are picking up..I get the uneven heartbeat too.stress,chocolate or even alcohol
    .ican do without all but not chocolate !
    I do hope it all comes good with the ins.and Jim starts getting better.
    Ths post is a bit longer than of late hope it goes Chris

  40. Sue
    With my dad and his catheter .he is bypassing all the time.they flush him out and change it.but they say its one of thse things.it leaks on a daily basis.he is always leaking and has to wear pants but his matress is not good,even with protectors. The urologist he went to see recently for his prostate,gave him some tablets for it to stop the bladder spasmimg ,.but they had him ill and worse with the Parkinson’s. he s trapped as he cannot go out.the flush has always got stuff in it.he gets flushed twice a day sometimes most days .he drinks a lot to clear it all .im going to ring the incontinence clinic today as he will get free pads and stuff from them ,as it is costing a lot
    But at a loss with it all …..is this normal? Have you heard of it before?
    Chris

    • Chris, It does sound awful for him and for those trying to keep him clean and comfortable. No, I don’t think problems to this extent are the usual. I want to talk to Jim about prostate, etc. I’ll share his opinions tomorrow with you, on here.
      Has your Dad had surgery to stop the leaking? Is the catheter fitting him correctly? Does he pull it out…because that can stretch the opening and make it impossible. Go for any free items you can, why not? Let me chat with Jim in the AM and get back to you. Poor man. Love to you , Sue

  41. The prostate surgeon never suggested any surgery , his psa is high 11 but its that all the time,they say he has cancer but a slow one they did a bone scan and that was ok.they will leave it alone,he’s had that for years.this catheter went in after he was in hosp fr sepsis and pneumonia and broken rib in October
    He was put on morphine and then on a catheter since,ddnt need one before.
    No he doesn’t pull it out…I think….,they’ve tried him without it and he can’t go
    Theyve tried all sizes catheter ….didnt know you could have surgery for it..but since his sepsis he has lost his memory a lot ,don’t know if that’s why they haven’t suggested it and with the Parkinson’s
    Going to try and ring about the pads etc now
    Thanks sue. Chris

    • CHRIS……….SO SORRY TO HEAR YOU DAD IS STIL HAVING ALL THESE PROBLEMS, CAN’T BELIEVE ITS STILL GOING ON AFTER ALL THIS TIME, THERE MUST BE A CATHETER TO FIT, SURELY THE NURSING STAFF HAVE HAD THIS PROBLEM WITH OTHER PATIENTS. POOR OLD BOY, HE MUST BE SICK OF IT ALL….CALL YOU SOON, KEEP SMILING LOVE…………………………………LATER……..JENNIE XX

    • Chris, Jim and I put our little heads together and the only idea we have is for a large catheter with a larger balloon to hold it in place. They have some that hold 30 cc of fluid when filled to hold it in place. I was thinking surgery only if he had pulled it out and caused damage to the bladder. If he pulls a big one (balloon) out he would damage the opening of the bladder. I realize it is hard to know. Growing old can hurt so much sometimes, bladder or no bladder. I feel for you my dear friend. Love, Sue

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